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Reviews for Springtime of Youth

By : FieldDranzer
  • From KuroKamiBR on August 23, 2019

    Sorry, but SasuHina is a NOPE to me. The couple just doesn't work. And you threw salt on the wound, showing that they fuck a lot. Why is Naruto with Sakura? Why is Sasuke with Hinata? Why some people insist in this couple? Why everyone here is with their canon spouse, but Sasuke is with Hinata? If you had made NaruHina and SasuSaku I would have enjoyed the smut more.

    Are you telling me that all couples in Konoha have agreed to have an open relationship? Even shy people like Hinata and Sasuke? LMAO.

    The grammar is ok and the smut is ok, but some parts of the smut are confusing.

    6/10, Not bad but SasuHina is atrocious for anyone with common sense. 
     


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  • From jhen70 on August 05, 2019

    Great work! This fan fic will be quite a good read if you:

    1. Are a Sasuke fan (or at least not a hater lol) and/or
    2. Read the previous works prior to this one

    Quite a lot of details I enjoyed from my first time reading. Namely:

    • Settings of the Konoha
    • Tenten bringing up the rumors circulating around the village. I frankly love these types of conversations because of how they build up curiosit and mystery.  
    • Girl on girl bits with Tenten and Hinata
    • Blades of gloryhole
    • Parts involving Temari and Tenten. I particularly like the details of the women's voluptuous movements. 
    • Orgy with the clones. Specifically, I enjoyed how Hinata and Sasuke planned the whole event.
    • A lot of things to be frank.

    With that being mentioned, there were some areas I felt needs improvement. This is more from my perspective as a grad writer. These areas were mainly conventions and grammar:

    • I felt you may need to separate some of the details into different individual sentences. Too much writing in one sentence can lead to run-ons. You can also move some parts around the sentences.
    • A couple of confusing details such as the Genjutsu and how many clones were presence.
    • I believe there were unnecessary words and clauses that can be better off removed. There were also a few cases of repetition.
    • More active voice on certain parts of the story.

    I do not know if you have Foxit, but you should have the app. I took the liberty to highlight and place suggestions in different parts of the story. I am sharing a link to the reviewed fic:

    https://my.pcloud.com/publink/show?code=XZ2q4i7Zwoo7MWVwdP8W4BJ0aygPKFrE0QGV

    • Yellow = needs editing
    • Green = confusing
    • Red = remove
    • Pink = love

    Of course, these are all just my suggestions on the matter. You have placed quite a great amount of effort and have wrote quite and enjoyable fanfic. I hope my review will be useful for you. Thank you very much!


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