Reviews for Naruto's RebirthBy : animehentaiworks |
This.......is really bad. I take it English is not your first language. You might want to focus on proper capitalization and comma usage alongside learning how to structure a story before continuing this.
I'm sorry to say that the grammer is better but still not good. I would also encourage you to take things slower, add more details, for example:
Hinata gazed into Naruto's eyes, her own burning with love and desire, as she slowly removed his pants. She then slowly releived him of his underwear before stopping to marvel at his size. Licking her lips, she wrapped one hand around his cock as she started to stroke it gently.
Something like that is normally how I write things myself.
Great chapter
If you wrote this on your mobile again, I applaud you, while the grammar mistakes are all over the place, you conveyed the story and point well enough. You are doing good work fam
Can't wait for the next chapter to come out. You should add girls from different animes and add please add Anko
Interesting story
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