Reviews for Sasuke's Harem - A World Turned Upside DownBy : BigE2955 |
I had two ideas when reading this. One is more complaining but the other is actually speculative.
First the bitch - I would think that Sasuke could have had a childhood crush on Kushina. So it would have been more interesting to have him fuck her here with that on the forefront of his mind. That fulfillment of childhood fantasy would add more depth.
Secondly, I imagine at some point you might consider finding a cure (otherwise the world is probably doomed to death via inbreeding). So it would be very interesting to see the various conflicts the girls have. Can they be cured or should they choose Sasuke? They will be unable to maintain a mental fiction of simply making the best of a bad business in that case.
I didn't really care for Fem!Sai the first few times around. She was just kind of there, hit it and quit it. But re-reading this makes me wish there was a little more devoted to her. She could develop emotions through sex, as cheesy as it sounds, and that would be a nice little bit of fluff for the story. My preference is for dominance and ownership but nice cuddles are fine too sometimes.
As always, the smut is gud. Thinking on it though, wouldn't it be more interesting going forward when writing smut to write it as a "carnivore's" journey? I think you did this in Awakening and in the Wanderer Remaster, bit it should maybe be a general plot arc for every harem story. Sasuke gains experience over time and only breaks women level appropriate. Kakashi was his mentor and sensei and so I think even genderbent Kakashi shouldn't break so easily. Instead, she ought to tutor him or they ought to experiment over time and slowly break her that way.
I think in hindsight this is alright to start. It sets up the world appropriately and let's us know all the basic facts. The only thing I'd suggest is that you make it longer and look over it to consider possible character angles.
Set a word count for all chapters in a story to reach. This forced you to go back through a chapter after its 'doke' to add enough detail and meet the count. It pushes you to focus on improved detail and action.
As for characterization I think that Sasuke would be slightly horrified rather than simply embarrassed at getting a boner over Itachi. So there's an angle there that could have been explored in this chapter. Maybe it does come back in later, but we'll first impressions matter.
Nice. Always love a good Mikoto and fem Itachi portion.
Man i love the sheer intensity you portray in all of the sexscenes it's so damned hot!
Just wanted to say that keep up the good work! Really am a fan of your writing style and hope you had a great new year and best of luck on this new one :D
Hahaha, that was hilarious. Great work on this chapter.
Damn Sasuke is ruff.
Good story with sexy lemons of hot ladies I love reading about. Keep going.
Nice chapter. Definitely can't wait for more :)
Great to see another chapter but I hope next chapter will be the beginning of introductions from girls outside the village anyway I'm looking forward to it!
Loved it
All your stories are great and I’m looking forward to a chapter with Tsunade.
My personal highlight for this chapter was the impregnation angle. Maybe it's just me, but that was fucking hot.
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