Karui laying down wisdom, chu cha.

Like I said before, I don't really like her but you have a way of writing even the girls I don't care for in interesting ways. Even though the Kumo arc just finished in the Remaster I'm hoping she gets more weight when you come back around to a new arc with them. It's always been pretty heavily tilted towards Samui with Mabui getting a helping and Karui mostly as an afterthought.

A couple of thoughts this chapter raised.

First that while I understand how the Tsunami thing could be very conductive to properly breaking a woman in a sort of 'one chapter plot arc', I feel like it would be better suited for someone like Anko. I'm not opposed to Sasuke taking up a sex challenge and having broken her by the end of it, just that I think such a thing is better suited to the more seductive and assertive women like Anko, or Mei, or even Temari.

Secondly while I can see Sasuke being mad that one of the harem went and decided on their own to get pregnant, at this point he's gotten enough girls knocked up that he can't be opposed in principle to Samui just being pregnant. So I'd think he'd have his ego prickled if he had developed to the point of craving control and immediately start planning ways to 'punish' her rather than needing time alone.

I also think that maybe it's an arc better suited to a different girl. Not because I think Samui necessarily would never do this sort of thing, but because the Kumo girls and Samui especially are very prominent compared to everyone else. You could shift that plotline to someone like Ino or Gina to make it more properly balanced. Or even Mei, since a baby craze seems more in character given her desire for marriage - it might be that she wants to get married so badly and accepted that Sasuke isn't going to settle down with her, so she moves onto the next part of their 'relationship' without telling him.

This chapter actually reminded me of the sequel. I found that in The Lone Traveler so far Robin has been the real MVP. She was very well-characterized compared to some of the other girls and she had a lot more agency. It was just interesting to read her. And in the original she doesn't really have the necessary development. It's a disappointment I suppose. Even though I'm not too hot on One Piece I still remember what she was in TLT and hope that the Remaster can raise her to that point.

Kurenai deserves to be BROKEN. Only then will she be able to understand the GLORY that is Sasuke's harem. Kek.

Seriously though, you have a point when you said that she needed to be. Konan, Haku, and Kurenai are all examples of women with a strong previous committment to some other man. In order to get past that and not be constantly competiting with a dead man for their devotion then Sasuke does in some way need to break them. This took place slowly for Konan in the original and I don't think at all for Haku (since I think Sasuke 'let' her keep her old loyalty), and pretty quickly here for Kurenai.

I'm thinking that you could use it to showcase Sasuke's own comparative corruption though. I mean, he's falling into being a sex addict and then hopefully at some point into actually wanting to go out and conquer new women (which sets you up for TLT if you want to keep going). And hopefully at some point he develops into wanting to get girls pregnant out of his own desire rather than just accepting their requests.

So why not have his ego balloon with his experience? This could actually properly set up the Issei destruction arc if you decide to write it and have TLT retconned to follow the Remaster rather than the original. In the case of this chapter, it would be a response to Sasuke's part on Kurenai's loyalty to Asuma and her insistence on thinking of another man while he's fucking her.

Just have his ego go into top gear. He talks dirty to her, forces her to admit that he's the one fucking her brains out. And then makes his outright claim. "And after tonight, the only other thing that will touch this pussy will be my children when you're birthing them." I liked this line especially I feel like you can play it more.

Maybe this is the point where Sasuke not only likes girls getting pregnant but actually pushes it. He doesn't strictly force her but he does tell her to get up and go throw her birth control pills away. Maybe even does a jutsu he borrowed from Sakura to 'get rid' of the birth control pills Kurenai has already taken. He could present it as a choice she makes, where either he'll get up and leave or she'll do that and then come ride his cock because he's not going to service her needs while she's thinking of someone else. And since she's half broken already this breaks Kurenai entirely, which can lead to an interesting conversation during that sex. Maybe Sasuke at some point mocks her and wonders if Mirai will be in the exact same place in twenty years, bouncing on his cock and begging to be impregnated.

My thoughts, they be dark.

Gg Kurotsuchi. I have to say though it felt a bit underwhelming this time. You firmly established a dirty talk mechanic before that was absent in this encounter. I'd expect Sasuke to mock her for being such a whore thay she abuses the power of her office so she can get fucked by a big dick in the place the heroes of her village once ruled it. Just something to keep in mind for the remaster I guess. 

Everything is coming up Shion. This chapter made me miss Mei. It's been a while since she got some loving. But that's a consequence of a mass harem and not really something that can be fixed. I suppose you could constantly rotate girls so the early ones keep appearing but that means the plot is either padded with random encounters or the plot itself is like 15 different mini plots put together.

Needs moar breeding

Meme aside this chapter made me think it does, but in a different way. This isn't the first time Sasuke has agreed to get one of the girls pregnant. But it's the first time I saw him react with glee rather than shock. And perhaps that's something that should be explored. While I've expressed the thought that a girl seeking out pregnancy marks the zenith of her arc (looking at you Tsunade) I'm thinking it should also become part of Sasuke's arc. What if instead of him simply accepting a pregnancy request he seeks it out? Sasuke can develop a taste for it like he developed a taste for building a harem in general. What if at some point he's the one that simply tells a girl to stop taking birth control, and then convinces her through dominant dirty talk to do it?

Again, saw potential even if I don't really care for Tsume and Hana. I think that as part of the Grand Project yoy might consider fleshing out the various girls not only in terms of plot and fashion (different piercings and pubic hair styles) but fetishes. Hana here seems to peripherally suggest a sort of animal mind set. A desire to be claimed by the alpha that you could probably explore more deeply in the remaster.

I don't like One Piece enough to get super invested into Robin, so it was good but not great you know? But it does make me wonder about the Remaster. In the original all these girls pop up with no explanation ever given, and while Traveler links it to the Rinnegan that only provides a bridge to travel back and forth rather than explain why it started in the first place. Is it going to continue to be a deus ex machina or will it get studied more closely? 

I'm not sure how to feel about this chapter. My emotional response was just meh. But it was technically solid there are no glaring problems. We got some development for Rias and Kurenai was introduced with a plot thay wasn't 'she saw his dick and had to have it'. It could have been better, especially since I imagine the Asura guilt could play in,  but it could be worse. 

I dislike large orgies because I feel detail is lost. As smut readers we're always craving for more detail. We want things to be right there in our faces. We want to know who is doing what, and why, and what it feels like. It's a matter of showing, not telling. Again, I'm reminded of the Rias orc cock story simply because when I read it I was struck by how overtly detailed and filthy it became, right down to talking about how her cum gummed up the sink.

So in the Remaster I hope you don't do a repeat of this birthday bash thing. You're doing a massive project with proper plot arcs, and a scene like this really feels like emotionless smut without any underarching narrative or plot purpose.

That complaint made, I did want to proceed to the whole Sasuke and Naruko relationship. It's not bad really. I enjoy reading it and the development has been pleasant. But I like the idea of it being MORE. Of it being deeper and more dramatic. I mean, looking back at canon I can't imagine any arc that should be more intense and more detailed than the Naruko one.

This reminds me very vaguely and only very peripherally of Sasuke's Condition. There's a simliar element of dubious consent since Sasuke basically captures them both and then tempts them into sexual submission without giving them the option to flee.

I don't know if you'd be willing to deepen element and make a slide into immorality part of Sasuke's development through the Remaster, but it would be nice to see. I mean, a Sasuke that is willing to cut the bars and basically do whatever he needs to do even if it's unethical to own a woman he wants to own would be pretty ace fetish. Chuuni as hell maybe, but wankworthy.

I think this is actually the best part of the fic. Not from a waifu perspective since I'm ambivalent on the Kumo Trio, and not from a fetish perspetive, since the breeding and dominance is meh. But simply for the fact of having the various women in Sasuke's life actually express territoriality and conflict both with him and between themselves. It gives them an agency they generally lacked otherwise.

" At first, he'd thought of all of these fuck buddies as just that - fuck buddies, people that he visited whenever he was stressed or bored, and fucked into unconsciousness. "

Hey, it's me bitching again. I saw this line and thought again about development and so forth.

It occurs to me that you should draw a line between cock breaking and real love. Someone like Konan or Rias can believably be in love with Sasuke because of continued exposure and on screen non-sex interactions. If you want to really sell it then it makes less sense for someone like Temari to just confess love when they had sex only a few times (hot springs, kage summit, random town, and here). I'm not complaining from a waifu perspective, but it should either take longer or the encounters should be more frequent (even if offscreen like how Rias lived with Sasuke for half a year). Or you could sell it as cock mind break.

I think I've expressed my thoughts on this love phenemona enough lately in reviews and conversations.

So moving on I'd just like to suggest something that occurred to me.

In the original Lone Wanderer the development of the various waifus is very uneven. Girls like Yugao or Ino or Kushina get VERY sparse development, while girls like Samui or Konan get an almost absurd amount in comparison. Obviously I always want to see MOAR development in general, but maybe you could consider trimming the list some.

In my opinion it's better to have five well-developed waifus with their own story arcs, compared to having fifteen waifus that are just one shot wonders. So perhaps you'd be better off to look over the list of the entire mass harem and decide if you want to cut down on a few of the girls, or genderbend a few of them back (i.e making Gaara a man again). A mass harem is a mass harem, but it doesn't need to include literally every vaguely desirable woman/genderbend conceived of.