Reviews for The Lone WandererBy : BigE2955 |
Any in 2020?
Pretty chapter.
I still can't get over what the fuck is that cum tank
That Shizune scene made me laugh. I had the image of at some point Sasuke is doing his whole salesman spiel about how some girl hasn't had a good fuck in a long time, and she just looks at him and deadpans "No" before walking off.
There's not a whole lot to say about this chapter that I haven't already said before.
I'll reiterate the need for a proper Kushina arc.
I'll raise again the point that it would be better if there was a discreet 'ending' arc centered around Sasuke concluding his travels and settling the final arrangements with all his various love slaves.
And again, I need more dere Tsuna-chan. While she's not a top tier waifu for me I've always gotten a strong sense of resentment on her part in all their interactions. It feels very out of place compared to most of the other girls who proceeded to obvious affection.
Shorter stuff here.
I did think going through it that I don't really like how you handled Erza in the original. You retconned it in the sequel so that she's not a totally mindbroken fucksleeve, but even then I feel like eh. I think it's one thing to break a girl into loving you. There's a stockholm syndrome element that can justify it, especially when Sasuke gets quite forceful about it.
But I don't think that should necessarily be the same thing as just indiscriminately craving cock every hour of every day. At that point it seems less like a break to love and just a total mental destruction. Erza here isn't Sasuke's love slave, but just a piece of equipment or a pet that he keeps alive by feeding cum. Individuality is lost in that case and it seems a bit boring.
aYYY Erza.
This actually brings up a problem of pacing. In the original we just tended to proceed from girl to girl, giving them mostly discreet arcs, and then it just ended. I think Erza is probably the last proper girl to get a story arc, minus a few 'bonuses' like Kushina slipped in at the end there. I think that you might want to avoid this in the Remaster.
What I mean is that the ending feels abrupt, you know? Like we just transition suddenly from the journey to the epilogue with very little padding. It would be helpful with pacing if you introduced a final arc before the epilogue, centered primarily on Sasuke deciding to settle down and settle into a marriage with all the various girls. He'd have to decide where to live, to propose to all of them, the rules of the marriage, and so forth. It would probably be a bit overtly legalistic to work through but I imagine it would help tie up the loose ends of the story and give it a satisfying conclusion.
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