In chapter 13 Naruto mentioned being defeated in sex by 1 or 2 women. Like a sexfight? Would you be willing to do chapters about those inconters and his referenced rematchs? And maybe some similar stuff with tsunade and potentially mei and or konan, and or kaguya . I would guess he lost to the 2 female jinchurichi initially?

CH.31 - Kushina 6

These Kushina POVs are amazingly well done, you really nail down the whole "descension into lust" kink.

I would have preferred for you to have shown these moments, not told, as it is normally the best way to go about story-telling, however... the way you did it, by having her remember while mentioning what she felt and thought at each of those moments was just as delightful as the actual thing.

Kushina's line of thought is super hot, the way it goes from one thing to another all the while describing her body's reactions to us is amazing.

The thing about her staying in the limbo of not knowing if actually Mito smirked at her in superiority or not is perfectly placed, it just shows the difference between both women and how far it has come.

The twerk/assjob was sexy as hell, my favorite part this chapter actually.

But now I want to see Naruto TAKE Kushina. That end where Naru finally has an epiphany is superb, you got that right, the time for heroes, idols and admiration is the childhood, for an adult yo should go and make your own mark on the world.

Personally, I never really liked Minato's character, so to see Naruto stealing Kushina from him is a gift to me, that guy never deserved her in the first place.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
PPS: there are mistakes of grammar, ortography and punctuation scattered a few times across each chapter. Your structurization is topnotch though.

CH.30 - Kurenai 2

The initial part of her feelings about Asuma and what his death caused in her are kinda exaggerated for me, and that's saying a lot considering I really enjoy this story. Perhaps I'm not looking at this through her side of the story, but how long is it since Asuma died? 

Besides, they're also ninja, death is a close companion that can come knocking any day, so I'd guess she'd be more resigned? or accepting of the situation. 

Then again, the pregnancy can be messing with her hormones, which can mess with her emotions and thoughts due to these changes.

The excuses she keeps making for the things she feels are very amusing. 

Normally I'd say that she's really OOC, since she doesn't seem to be a woman to obey just like this, to be lead like this, but since this is clearly an AU I'll give it a pass, that and the fact that she's pregnant which might be messing with her normal attitude.

The downward spiral after Naru said that she was doing her job as a woman is superb, so is Naru acting both firm and gentleman-like. 

I actually know a few women, that halfway agree with what you wrote on Kurenai's thoughts right there. 
I mean, they already had to take care of children (there are ways that only a mom can do), and, since the latter-half of the 20th and start of the 21st centuries, have to work outside too, which almost makes it a double work-journey, whereas before they (mostly) only needed to take care of the house and kids. So women's lives actually grew harder, in a way, if you think about it. 

I still want Naru to take her in her home though, and, Y'know, make new, better, memories in that place.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.

CH.29 - Kushina 5

Kushina acting so timidly when introducing Mito is gold, I really want more of that. They holding his drink in a traditional manner is also a nice addition to the scene.

I wouldn't say that he had to act coldly, but he certainly couldn't let himself be influenced by them or "fall over himself" to please them. Basically, it's standing up for himself in a firmer manner and not letting himself be swayed from his goals or simply disregarded/walked over like in the past. 
However, that's your story so you probably know it better than me.

The way he treated Mito is fun and the comment on her buns is perfectly placed.

The little spat between Kushina and her son is amazingly delivered, the following point-making/proving of Naru on Mito (where she forgets completely her husband) is hot as f*ck man.

Mentioning the fact that Naru is as affected as the women with him is a masterful play. It really, at least a little, makes it seem less like he is taking advantage of his position. An essential "victim"/bystander (though willing and participative/cooperative) of his instincts, not unlike a woman here.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.28 - Kurenai 1

The start with the inner look into Hinata is pretty nice, a good change of pace from the usual content.

Kurenai's poker face is tough to see from how pathetic it is, but I guess it can't be helped she did seem to take really hard to Asuma's death.

The heartfelt moment between master and student is outstanding. You should put more of those moments in the story, they don't need to be necessarily between these two, but an outsider's look into what's happening around and to the world in consequence of Naru's actions would be extremely nice.

The whole conversation with the rest of the rookies, the banter and quipping, and the interactions described are really well placed. I could imagine clearly the scene with what you wrote.

Kurenai would light his cigar?! That certainly doesn't sound like the woman I know! In the series she hated the damn cigars, couldn't withstand it without complaining. Ahhh, I'm sorry to say, but my Willing Suspension of Disbelief just broke pal lol.

Naru is surprisingly suave at times, delivering compliments like it's nobody's business all the while covering them with other things.  

I don't know why, but, from the moment Naruto folded his paper until the break between scenes, both Naru and Kurenai act weirdly. And that's on top of the 'weirdness' of this story. Also ,you're giving conflicting information and not delivering it in a way that they can fit or coexist together (for example: what you told of Kurenai and what we saw from her in the manga/anime, it's too great of a dichotomy to simply shrug off, the jump is too high, the leap too far from one point to the other).

The little tsundere moment of Kurenai certainnly was cut through with the intensity of Jyuuken strike by Hinata, that brought a smile to my face. Also, those were requests? I can see no way that that can be interpreted as anything other than a command/order.

The description of her appearance for the date makes her look like nothing but a babe, but I'll admit that a photo/image (or link to one) of it would help in the visualization. Again, I'm loving this romeo Naru that you're displaying here, there really aren't many stories of those, much less harem ones.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.27 - Ino 9

Damn, I love these onsen chapters, they're so fucking hot it's crazy. And I know what you mean when talk about Ino, fuck, that's one gorgeous woman, they really went all out when designing her and Hinata's looks for The Last and after (which I assume is what you're going for).

This possessive behavior from Naru is what I'm here for! That and its counter female part, happily being possessed to!

The emotional rollercoaster Ino went through in-scene was amazing, from not even remembering she had a husband to feeling bad over it to completely throwing that aside to embrace her new man and breeding... otherwordly hot, no other words.

Sakura's view on events is funny and amusing, but also shows the depth and off-screen development of things with time.

The whole ending with Ino's view as predominant I think cement this chapter as nothing short of amazing, don't get me wrong the other parts of it are superb too, but this last part, with her on focus, really estabilishes this 'bond' that happens/is shown since the 1st chapter.
How it works and grows and deepens and develops, were things that I felt were still to be explored and delved into more than they already were. They felt lacking before, now they don't.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.26 - Inuzuka 3

Kiba's doubts were well placed I think, on all the women falling for Naru, however you made an extemely compelling argument to dispel them, one that really is true, even beased IRL. Having Tsume deliver it and in the way she did is also topnotch. 
You really got the whole animalistic thing down pat, in personality, in life outlook, in behavior and inner-belief good goind. 

The whole talk with Koharu and Homura is fantastic. The interaction going from respectful to antagonizing to an advice session/political class is so dynamic that it wouldn't look out of place in a episode or movie. More than that, it is so organic, that it wouldn't be a scene weird IRL.

Amazing chapter! You should do more of those. World-building and setting the background is important in longer, out reaching stories like this.  

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.25 - Kushina 4

Naruto's considerations at the start here I think are pretty believable. Sure, perhaps a bit of Oedipus complex mixed with greed from a poor childhood is there, but it is certainly not unrealistic these thoughts running across his head.

His reasoning for taking care of Kushina this way is sound, I have to say. Better him inside their home than a random guy out in the world. If that satisfies any desire of his, well. that's a bonus only really.

The dialogue between them is reallly hot too, Naru showing a resolve of nothing short of adamantium to resist indulging her.

I'm not really into the foot thing, but I'll admit that it, at least, has use to get the point across of each of their positions in this "relationship".

The impregnation thing is hella HOT. As is the lipstick kink too.

I'd advise you to not insert precise measurements like you did with Naru's dick. Things like that are better left with vague terms and open so that the readers' imaginations can fill in the details. 
On the bright side you never mentioned cupsize in any chapter, so you got extra points. There's nothing about knowing exactly what the size the breasts of a woman are that makes a scene hotter.

The wedding dress thing at the end was sexy as hell man. How do you come up with these things?!

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.24 - Kushina 3

I will be short this time. Great chapter.

Loved how the whole scene went. The loving parts, the comical ones, the explosive ones, all of it. In special, Kushina's thoughts all around it.

I think that what really sets you apart from other authors is this focus you give to each woman, that and the way you describe their thoughts and feelings, even as the lines of dialogue and descriptions of interaction keep rolling. It's a differential that I rarely saw, but one that is wonderful for this kind of stories.

Do try and not mention sizes in a precise manner (measurements and inches and the like), keep it like you've been doing most of the story, vague and general terms (big, thin, thick, huge, petite, large...). Let the reader fill in the details a little, making their imagination work is a good thing.

I really want to see you write a chapter for Mei. 
She's a Mizukage and last of her clan, you could have her as a foreign dignatary in Konoha, or as a travelling diplomat, after she steps down for Chojuro, then you could have her get with Naru by him helping her. 
That as a way to increase political ties between the villages and bring back her clan to its former numbers. 
She looks to be the seductive type, but also a romantic type of gal, that and she doesn't seem to have much experience in after the actual seduction when I remember the manga, so you could use that dichotomy to include her in. 
Have her put the moves on Naru, they get past a certain point and she gets reluctant/hesitant then Naru takes the reins in a truly wooing manner.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.23 - Hinata 2

Good going on Naruto admiting that he'd kill whoever's name came out of her lips, at least, if it was the name of a man. That's the kind of protectiveness and possessiveness guys in this situation get.

Didn't expect Hinata ro be so kinky, but you know what they say "it's always the quiet ones". 

I really loved how you combined both domination, a variation of bondage (one without ropes or chains) and gentleness. This scene was super hot. 

Also congratulations on making your first lemon with Shadow Clones in this story, I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to come around to it.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.

CH.22 - Hinata 1

The inside look into Hinata and what she thinks and feels of her past, family and related things until now, is awesome. That's a great way to go and develop her character, really unlike the original author who did a shitty job at it. 

Their bed-talk is also great, they truly FEEL like a couple here, in the playfulness, honesty and openess between each other you delivered us things we normally we only see in fan doujins (not the Hentai type) and nowhere else.

Naru's insecurities are well founded and the way you wrote, the way it was revealed to us here,in this heart-to-heart... It was nothing short of fantastical.
You gave depth here in a way, that even being so succint and simple, managed to convey perhaps more than what the author of the original manga ever did.
This whole story we see Naru act in a certain way (wanting to own people so that they didn't leave him), now we got the reason behind, the first incident/circumstance that came to be the cause of who he is now.
Outstanding.

The tattoos over her womb and ass (a Uzumaki spiral or even a replica of his seal as tramp stamps) are also nice add-ons that fit perfectly here. The same goes for Hinata's desire for some kind of revenge over her family.

Believing in hard work and actions instead of pretty words, believing in earning love instead of being given it, I can understand that, deeply so to be frank.

The ending in this sexy cliffhanger is superb dude. Always gets what he wants huh, loved it. *thumbs up*

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.21 - Ino 8

This assistant is right, she HAS seen more of Ino than Sai himself. These comments of one line you insert once in a while really stick with us after we leave the chapter.

Super fun chapter by the way, I love the attendant trying to explain things to Sai, all the while trying to keep the secret but still not being able to keep from stumbling into the actual truth or letting innuendo escape.

No way poor Sai didn't make a mistake there. You never ever let another man have a go at your woman period. He's not a bad guy in canon, but when your wife has looks like that... you gotta know there'll be other men gunning for her, even forming a line really.

I kinda pity for this poor woman, but I understand why yuo put her in the story. I also think you should insert more unnamed characters like this and have them throw their views on the events and changes that are going on around them, it would make good world-building in my opinion.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.20 - Ino 7

Please don't put Himawari in. I have no issue with Sarada in the harem, I even desire so - and yes I know that might make me a hypocrite - but I have some principles, even if a few of them ARE based on double standards, like this one.

The focus on the attendant is really nice, it provides us a different look in the circumstances happening and, in special, on how a 3rd party bystander would see what's going on with Naru and his entourage.

The dialogue between Sakura and Hinata is done in such a normal way that it's funny. They're so freaking used to it that it's like they're discussing the weather. Though, seeing Sakura get all hang-up on Ino like that just cracks me up good.

The real punishment there is, frankly, amusing. Though, I guess I can definitely see where it's coming from, if you look at it form Sakura's point of view. It's also nice seeing her recognize Sasuke as what he is.

Seeing the second part of the women's dialogue just makes me think that they're kind of using Naru, well, at least Sakura is. Don't ask me why, it just gave me that impression.

The thing with the women waiting in position for their turn is also quite sexy, I really liked it.

Both Naru and Hina have become quite vindictive, haven't they? I LOVE it. 

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.19 - Kushina 2

Gotta be honest, I thought that this was going to be like a cheesy porno, where the plumber "cleans the pipes" of the housewife, You completely subverted my expectations though.

I like how you had Kushina almost patronizingly explain things to Naru, even when he's the involved in the whole schtick.

Never expected ushina to be such a tease though. And the worse is, does she do it consciosly? I mean, she certainly realizes what she's doing, but it's not like she's actually shooting for it, it just sort of ends up happening, like it's automatic right?

Once in a while you have Naru some really awesome one-liners that just hit deep. Keep doing that.

Ah so that's what they mean by "slap her right in the pussy", can't say I've thought of that before.

Woah that...was way too hot, like damn man. It wasn't even se and it was already like this. You're getting my hopes up high.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.18 - Kushina 1

Wow that was heartfelt. I almost forgot you could write amazing scenes like that too. I also certainly wouldn't mind more of their type.

Shizune is a surprise mention, but Kushina's certainly taking the indirect approach it seems.

The thing about her being a personification of his guilt is unexpected, but witty and sharp nonetheless. Didn't expect Naruto of all things to think of something like that.

It's nice to see Naru being uncomfortable like this once in a while, I guess that's the kind of power only a mother has over her son.

His worry over her acting that way out of the house too (even if he didn't know how that world worked). 

The thing about lifting the dinner table is super funny though, those are some great flexors he's got there to be able to do that.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.