CH.08 - Ino 3

The beginning with a bit of past talk with Sai is nice and certainly sets the tone for the rest of the chapter.

Ino's descension into lust and growing more and more depraved is a great touch and, certainly, a delight to read. The thing about having a right to suck is amazing too.

I think the highlight here, other than the obvious and in-depth process that Ino goes through, is Naruto admitting that he's affected too, and that convincing her basically. 
That this strength necessity thing is a road that goes both ways, manifesting in domination for males and submission for females, is the perfect touch that was lacking here. Because it mostly alleviates the whole sensation that Naru is taking advantage of these women.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.07 - Hyuuga 2

The beginning with Hanabi, her background and backstory in the way of a memory, is my favorite part here. 
I really liked how you made this more meaningful, hardcore sex is good but so is this kind of intercourse too.

You know that Hitomi is one of the most used names for the mother of Hanabi and Hinata right? That and Hannah are the fan favorites, since we were never given a confirmation on what was her actual one.

I really liked this chapter, the ending is also super fun with these considerations and thoughts being aired out loud.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.06 - Sarada

Didn't expect a Sarada chapter, at least not so soon. I also didn't expect it to be so fulfilling, yet it was.

I really liked how you developed and wrote her here. The daddy kink was completely expected though.

Her narrative on the events that happened, as brief as it is, also paints a good picture of the almost infinte spanse of time between the Naruto timeline and the Next Gen timeline.

Her input on the world and how it adapted to the changes inflicted upon it by Naru is also really well done.

I honestly liked this chapter more than I expected. And to think Naru got with at least half of the kunoichis in Konoha (and that's without counting women out of the village that are in the harem too) ..., that's nothing short of amazing. 

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.05 - Ino 2

The talk and banter between the men at the start is an unexpected but welcome surprise, the fact that none of them seem to bat an eye at Naru's habits is as comical as it is tragic. The blonde's roasts are awesome though, doubly so cuz they're true; his maturity is something cool to see too.

The fight, if it can be even called that, and the antics after it are super well written and more than a bit amusing, I gotta say.

Naru's completely casual offer a competition in the glory hole is funny as heck. His own consciousness of his acts and little lack of trust that you wrote also deepen and humanize his character in ways seldomly seem.

The reveal to Ino of what was going on between her friends was sexily explored to a degree I've never seen before. To be honest, I'm not into the whole gloryhole kink, but I can kinda see how it's hot to other people.

The part with Naru's view at the end is really good. You did a magnific callback to their pasts and to the events that happened in-story, that coupled with the emotional undertones provided, really sells the whole thing to me.

And Ino finally succumbs! Dude, I know you wrote time after time that it wasn't the cock size of Naru that made girls crazy, but the strength of the man, however the brunt of the content of your chapters say otherwise. Just saying that you've been giving conflicting info for us.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.04 - Hyuuga 1

I really liked the first half of this chapter, the preparation of the fight, the politics involved, the struggle between duty and desire. Masterful really.

Teasing Hanabi and later having Naru being a little romantic with her really were the favorite parts of this chapter for me.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.03 - Ino 1

Hinata's POV at the beginnign here was really fun to see. It's nice to have different outlooks from distinct characters to enrich the story. Her ponderings on Sakura and Naru's relationship are also quite deep, unexpectedly so to be frank. I think you should do more of it, as it is quite good.

Outstanding smut at the middle. Super hot.

Ino's slowly going down a depraved spiral, let's see how long she lasts.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.02 - Sakura 1

Outright starting with Sakura's denial is a masterful play right here.

The whoke smut scene is really developed. It's emotionally charged too, not too much that it's a turn off, but rather more than enough to give that just bit of extra to the lemon.

The descriptions involved and the "trip" she went through are amaing too.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.
 

CH.01 - Anko 1

Powerful beginning for a story supposed smut-driven. You got me excited now.

Woah what an amazing first chapter! Definitely super hot.

The way you described everything is super sexy, not to mention organic and dynamic.

I did not expect for 4 girls to appear in what's essentialy a pilot, but I'm more surprised at the qualty of the content. You got some skills friend.

I have high expectations for the rest of this story.

I hope I helped with constructive criticism.
Over and out.
PS: please post this and your other stories on AO3. The feedback is much better there, both in quality and amount. The review system is better there too, being similar to the Reddit threads.

This is one of my favorite fan fictions I’ve ever read! It’s such a hot story and I can’t wait for it to continue! Thanks so much for sharing this awesome story you are creating with us!!

possibly one of my favorite stories I've red so far, I would like to see more chapters, more girls, hell i would love to see how a loli would please him, would she give him a naizuri(flat-chested titfuck basically), there's alot you can do with this type of story it's insane

It looks like this story is dead dam it was great and had a great concept 

Hey, great story. Just started reading 4-5 days ago, can't stop now.

Please continue writing.

And you mentioned, having another account.

Can you send a link to that.

Thanks and good day.

Love this story man. Don't know when you'll update, that's a you thing and I don't feel like I should make any demands, but I feel like Tenten would be hot. Just a suggestion.

Keep it up! Don't lose faith! Also consider Mei Terumi and more Sarada please!