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Reviews for Don't Betray A Demon

By : Cordytoad
  • From Ookami88 on June 29, 2012
    Hinata would be a very nice choice here! I wouldn't mind Naruto making a deal with Hiashi in strenghtening the Byakugan, which the clan head would agree to (oh, the naive fool). Then the blond would fuch his little, shy and cute half-sister (I remember that Minato here was the father of almost all genin from Naruto's generation).
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  • From fedemugna on June 28, 2012
    well... you could make dark hinata that join him willingly (spell? lol) without seal... let me explain the motives:

    1)naruto need at least 1 alpha mate that isn't a simply slave
    2)"evil" hinata is not used very often, so it will be a nice change
    3)she has a load of political power
    4)i don't think she will ever betray naruto... it's like sakura hating sasuke. lol.
    5)dominatrix hinata... lol.. you could put in even naughty stuff with hanabi if you feel perverted enough
    6)or you can make her mad ala harley quinn...

    and i am a naru-hina fan... lol
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  • From NarutoPhantom on June 28, 2012
    Next target should be Hinata and Ino while the person Naruto saw should be Tsunade.
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  • From The_Dark_Soul_Magician on June 28, 2012
    I would like to see Naruto break Hinata's spirit by fucking one of his 'slaves' infront of her(or in another way. It's your choice man) before putting the seal on her.
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  • From Raphmaster14 on June 24, 2012
    Good beginning, I'm glad that Naruto got Sakura first. Hope to see more.
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  • From Christopher11 on June 24, 2012
    A good story thus far though I don't understand the 'betrayal ending' at the start of this. Perhaps Tsunade was being controlled by someone else?
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  • From Dan70051 on June 23, 2012
    First off, thanks for writing. First, let me say your story is interesting, you had some fun ideas. However, when I read it, the action just kind of feels superficial and short, with little beyond basic narrative. Certainly it's still pretty good, I'm giving you four stars and I hope you keep writing, not just this but in general. Still, you might want to try flushing the details out. How tight was Sakura? How deep? What did Kushina smell like to Kuromaru? Taste like? Make sure to mix it into the motions of sex so the reader doesn't end up skipping ahead, but it should help enrich your story. Again, thanks for writing.
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  • From TheDisturbed01 on June 21, 2012
    I honestly would not mind BETAing any of these chapters.
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  • From TheDisturbed01 on June 21, 2012
    Dude, awesome story. I really like how you made this original plot line and it even has trace amounts of humor. One way I think you can improve your story is by giving more details on the characters and their actions. Things like explaining how big Kuromaru was compared to Kushina and how big his dick was. Also, dogs have a 'knot' at the base of their penis that locks them into the female and it's significantly bigger. Others include mentioning dick size for the males and breast details. Also, try making the sex acts longer, just read a couple of the good lemons here and you'll have an idea of how to do it. And if you can, can you please update ch.1 with the added details and improvements? I, and i'm sure your other readers would appreciate it. Thanks and keep up the good work.
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  • From Hinomaruz on June 21, 2012
    Awesome Man Keep Going With This I Would Like To See More Of This
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  • From Liger001 on June 20, 2012
    wtf, you turned kushina into a whore for no reason, and naruto isn't even angry or showed no emotion at all, instead he laughed, wtf is wrong with you. @ian904 shut your dumbass mouth.
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  • From Ian904 on June 20, 2012
    Please update quickly. Its not often you see an author who turns kushina into a mega whore with all the fanboys who lose their shit if she's with anyone besides naruto
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  • From NarutoPhantom on June 20, 2012
    Me Likes, I hope you get Naruto to really get even with Tsunade, also will you be making Hinata as Naruto's wife or will she be his personal sex slave?
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