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Reviews for Don't Betray A Demon

By : Cordytoad
  • From ANON - Storylover213 on August 27, 2014
    When are you going to update this.
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  • From SirGeneralSir on June 04, 2014
    so ive read the story before, or tried to and have just tried again.

    its an interesting idea, but i see a few problems with the story.

    1: im not reading a story im being told the story, its as if your sitting across from me and telling me about it.
    it doesnt feel like i can feel his pain, his anger or anything, im told about it.

    2: the idea of it being a game, interesting, but i think you could have had more play with that, but also i think that the starting where Naruto is selecting his options was a bit boring and it felt like it was dragging on.

    3: the plot feels a little all over the place, that there is no ultimate goal in mind, that there is no main bad guy to kill or princess to save or hero to kill, that its just him running around messing with things.
    not that its a bad thing, but with out an ultimate goal, its kind of empty.

    i hope you take another look at your story, improve on it and eventually continue it
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  • From porphyra on June 04, 2014
    This really needs some more proofreading, that aside the plot progression is extremely abrupt one moment he is betrayed the next he is the evilest mofo of them all, without any buildup and time for his morals to change, there is a difference between wanting revenge and not caring about anyone, because even a revenge driven Naruto would care about how his mother has been a virtual slave for half her life. Instead of trying to free Kushina, as well as punishing all those who used her, he was like; "you rock Dad!" and continued where he left off.

    A natural way to slowly change his morals, and it needs to be slow to be believable, would be for him to reload a few times and realize that none of his actions have any consequences, which would be the first steps of his moral entropy, with his views of the world slowly darkening more and more and his actions becoming more extreme with each try. All that is unfortunately skipped, making for a poorer story.

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  • From ANON - ookami on March 13, 2014
    Holy shit man that was epic. Can't wait for more.
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 21, 2014
    i think naruto should be kushina's 1st master to her slave seal since he has minato's genetic
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 05, 2014
    make naruto sex between naruto and kushina or make kushina naruto's sex slave onely he can control
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  • From ANON - highgod on January 05, 2014
    Sandiame and Jiraiya are keyed to the seal on Kushina so that they could Influence and command kushina's lust ---- [ but make minato and naruto keyeing to kushina's seal be "primary key command" to Influence and command kushina ]--- which could overrule Sandiame and Jiraiya Influence and command over kushina so that if Sandiame and Jiraiya betray minato with somthing or tries to use kushina for themself and there use then minato and his offspring or someone with his genes can overrule Sandiame and Jiraiya Influence and command on kushina
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 05, 2014
    Sandiame and Jiraiya is keyed to Kushina's seal so that they can command her but naruto should remove Sandiame and Jiraiya Influence on kushina seal so that only naruto can command her
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 05, 2014
    Kushina could still be influenced by Jiraiya, Sarutobi and Naruto himself to still spike her lust naruto
    should remove Jiraiya, and Sarutobi influence over kushina or keyeout Jiraiya, and Sarutobi so that Jiraiya, and Sarutobi won't be able spike kushina lust onely naruto himself can spike his mother's lust which would give naruto control over Jiraiya, and Sarutobi beside naruto has minato's blood
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 05, 2014
    kushina should meet naruto and have sex
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  • From ANON - Rednova on October 09, 2013
    Hey dude can u do a beastiality one with kushina and akamaru or do one with kiba and kushina
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  • From ANON - andy on June 07, 2013
    love the story would love to see more updates
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  • From ANON - Akuma on March 28, 2013
    Looking to his left at the though of the ramen chef, Naruto smirked. Sitting on a lounge chair in the living room while Mikoto fucked herself on the man's 9 inch dick, moaning like the whore she was.
    Last chapter you said 7 inches? Old guys don't jump in size.
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  • From Revan_55 on December 30, 2012
    this story appeals to certain fetishes of mine so good story.
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  • From ANON - Anon on December 12, 2012
    awesome fic but when are you gonna update?
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