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Reviews for Bottled Memories

By : AvangalineHazel
  • From ANON - Jen on October 18, 2011
    Quick grammar thing--

    "inpatients grew in his features while he summed up his courage"

    --I think what you meant to say was "impatience grew in his features while he summoned up his courage."

    I'm on the fence with this story. I sorta like it and I sorta don't. The strongest part of the story was at the end in the scene with Sasuke and Mikoto. That was some of your strongest writing in the chapter. It was smooth, vividly descriptive, and the trickle of blood on Sasuke's mouth and the tear coming down his cheek made me feel sad for him. All you needed was that one image to do it. You wisely didn't go on and on about how Sasuke was feeling in that moment and why, which would have ruined the image and lessened the impact of the scene.

    Which is what I didn't like about the rest of the chapter. It was so... overwrought. I understood that this is a sad, serious decision the Uchihas have come to, but the characters' actions and dialogue were over the top enough that I stopped feeling like I could relate to what they were going through. For example, when Fugaku reveals that he doesn't want Sasuke and Naruto bonding because it would be a gay relationship, Minato's response is to gasp, take "a shocked step back," knock over his chair, stutter, then move further and further away from Fugaku as "his hands slowly [rise] to cover his mouth that was hanging open." It's just too much. With a response like that, you'd think Minato was about to get devoured by the vampire in one of those old Hollywood monster movies. The horror.

    There were other big and little moments like that one in the chapter, but I think that scene sort of exemplifies the tone of most of the chapter. Having Fugaku running around the house like a man possessed in order to separate Naruto and Sasuke right that very instant (why let Naruto come over at all that day if their separation was such an immediate necessity?), having him engage in ninja battles with Itachi to keep two *six year-olds* apart, Sasuke's hysterics, Sasuke kissing Naruto in front of their parents, etc., etc. It all could have been toned down. For one thing, I wasn't entirely sure why Fugaku would fly into that much of a rage (*just* because of their argument), or why he would treat his son that way in front of Minato. Seems more reasonable if Fugaku had simply ordered Minato to take Naruto home (and not come back). The hysterics over separating the two boys at that point (given what Naruto overheard) would have been more in-bounds in that case.

    I dunno, don't mind me. If you write a second chapter to this, I may or may not (probably not) opt to read it.
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  • From ANON - Dragon on October 15, 2011
    Wow. This sounds very promising! I look forward to your next update!!


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  • From ANON - lunayolly on October 14, 2011
    This is amazing! I want to know what happen next!Poor Naruto, he will suffer for being apart from Sasuke and from not remembering him. I really like this story I hope you update it soon!
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  • From moodysavage on October 14, 2011
    That first chapter was absolutely amazing!!! I love the whole idea for the story! It's very unique. Can't wait to read more!
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  • From ANON - Stalker-san on October 14, 2011
    Wow... That was awesome. I am kinda hating the Uchiha family right now... It's a good time fore Itachi to be slaughterin' people, no?

    I can't wait until the next update. It's been so long since a GOOD fanfic has been written. Bravo!
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