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Reviews for Twice Shy - A continuation

By : eternalshiva
  • From eternalshiva on April 10, 2009
    Thanks for the massive review. I did say it was lemon-ish behaviour. Yeah it's lime but I put that there for the other sites I post it on also. Hinata's Husband has been a very good editor and has adapted to my Canadian language "rules" I guess, he had issues with some of my spelling too but they're grammatically correct in my country so he's been careful to learn what words are "Canadian" and what words are "American" Some words I can accept when they're edited but I have tendency to change them back to English Imperial spelling ^^;

    I'll change the warning to Lime but I'm happy with Hinata's Husband's beta, he's been very attentive to my writting quirks and can actually figure out how I try to say things (French is my first language, English is my second. I have trouble with tense usage sometimes.

    Please forgive my use of imperial English ^^;
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  • From Perpetual159 on April 10, 2009
    Yes, I agree with the other reviewer out there... sex master no jutsu is ludicrous. I, myself am writing a lemon and straying clear of the sex master no jutsu... I know how tempting it can be, but it's unrealistic.

    However, correct me if I'm wrong, but this was just another lime chapter... sorta... though stronger than first, I suppose. But if they did "do it", I certainly missed the hints, unless with the "bangs of the fireworks" you were symbolically stating that they had indeed made love, for it had immediately followed that these loud sounds drowned out Hinata's cries of ecstasy. So... yeah, call me slow, or something, because though it was clear that Hinata was just as turned on, the only one to receive actual outside stimulation was Naruto, unless watching him climax enticed her own orgasm, additionally to her grinding, I suppose....

    So... for now I'll conclude they haven't actually had intercourse yet, but that this whole thing was just more fooling around between the two. But do feel free to correct my ignorance in case I am wrong. Your author's note at the beginning was confusing when I didn't actually see a full blown lemon scene, but just another lime.

    Aside from my lemon rant, though I haven't reviewed this story religiously as others have, both here and in ff.net, I am happy to see more NaruHina love in this site, as it is incredibly lacking, especially good NaruHina fics. This story is a breath of fresh air, and I'm glad it's under the Naruto x Hinata section; it makes it incredibly easy to find, as aff does not have alerts, unfortunately. (And I do know you have this posted in ff.net, but I've always found it easier on the eyes to read a story here, and correct me if I'm wrong, but you update here faster than you do on ff.net.)

    Oh, and though I know editing a fanfic is strictly a favor; I know how hard it is to find an editor... I write stories myself, so how frustrating it can all be, but I do notice that your story still has several grammatical errors even after allegedly being edited. My recommendation is that you find a second beta aside from the one you already have who can diminish these errors. Granted, I don't know how bad the story is as it's pre-beta-ed, but if Hinata's Husband is to remain as your only beta-reader, he should make a greater effort in sharpening his editing skills; perhaps going over the chapter more than twice, but only after taking a long break is recommended so that the mistakes are more obvious, say, the third time around. I'm not trying to be hard on the guy, or you as the author. I'm simply giving some constructive criticism in hopes that, since you are sharing this story with readers, you present your very best, and that all your efforts actually show, thus making you shine as an author, and Hinata's Husband as an editor.

    Anyway, I'll be looking forward to next chapter. Thank you for sharing this story with us.
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  • From serenagold on April 10, 2009
    Sexmaster no jutsu is absurd!


    I loved this chapter.
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  • From serenagold on April 09, 2009
    Whoa.. I did not anticipate Naruto getting whooped. I wonder what had Hinata so against him tapping into Kyuubi's powers to save himself. Although I suppose having to use no demon juice is always the better option. Hinata was great in battle. Naruto was definately a beast, but it seemed like he was distracted too easily. I suppose I should be happy you didn't make the characters all powerful (always a sign of a lousy writer), though it makes a lot of sense that they would have a hard time struggling against a jounin level Branch member. They are still technically genin after all.

    Keep up the great work. You do write an exciting battle, thats for sure. ^^
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  • From statnin on April 08, 2009
    AWESOME!!!!
    Update soon!!!
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  • From eternalshiva on April 07, 2009
    Thank you all for the kind reviews :D I appreciate it very much ^^ Yes chapter 437 was my ultimate fave but 442 is close second :P Naruto butttssss oh and the pwnage~

    Thank you again :D
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  • From wharehouse on April 06, 2009
    Great story, I read DameWren's story out of curiosity when I came across yours, and then thoroughly enjoyed reading all 35 chapters over the weekend. I started your contiuation just yesterday and found it kept the same type of flavor and maintained a very good quality of writing. I'm definately looking forward to your future chapters and seeing to what other levels you will take your story :)

    Best of luck.

    Oh, and 437 is definately one of the best chapters :)
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  • From statnin on March 23, 2009
    Lovin this!
    go NaruHina
    keep it up ;)
    Leaf > Out
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  • From serenagold on March 10, 2009
    Spoiler alert in dream sequence! Real slick there. ;) (How upset were you? I know I was!)

    Keep up the good work!
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  • From Coldstone on March 07, 2009
    Really Good Story so far.

    Interesting you allready included the current chapters in Narutos nightmare.
    I have to admit I was really glad that Hinata survived since she is one of my favorites. Still sad about Shizune and Kakashi (If he is really dead. I still have my doubts about that one).
    I'm eager to read more.

    Thanks for a great piece of work.
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  • From ANON - Rosepadfoot on March 01, 2009
    Holly crap! I love this story. How Naruto and Hinata work so well with each other and just seem to compliant each other. I loved the scene in the shower. How Hinata wasn't afraid to show Naruto some skin, and almost cause a major nose bleed. Can't wait for more chapters!
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  • From ScarletWarrior on February 19, 2009
    Congratulations! This story is very well written and entertaining. I cannot truly express my gratitude for you treating Naruto and Hinata's relationship as just that, a relationship. Thank you for not making this one of the many rush into the sex and forget everything else fics out there and I can't wait for the next chapter.
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 27, 2009
    I like it. I love it. I whant more of it!!!
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 24, 2009
    I hope the next one will be as good as this one and the frist one was. Please keep up the good work! P.S. what happens with the test they will take.
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  • From serenagold on January 22, 2009
    hehehe! Great chapter!
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