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Reviews for Slave for you

By : DarthValgaav
  • From fenrir7139 on November 06, 2008
    I liked it; a few grammar errors (mostly repeated words), but otherwise perfectly good; can't wait to read more (there isn't enough NaruHina being updated these days!).
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  • From NarutoPhantom on November 06, 2008
    Oh, I love this fic so far, hey is it possible for Naruto to capture other slaves from his own village too, like Tenten, Sakura, Ino or maybe even his sensei, Anko or even Tsunade?
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  • From straylight69 on November 05, 2008
    I love the story so far. If you can somehow add Kurenai and Anko, that would be great.
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  • From mrse7en00 on November 05, 2008
    pretty good
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  • From darthme1011 on November 05, 2008
    pretty cool been waiting for something like this to be done
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  • From Anonymous7 on November 05, 2008
    An interesting, though not original, idea, but it needs work. There's no real reason given for the girl's slavery, the dialogue between Naruto and Hinata seems contrived and forced just so that they can move on to sex, Hinata went from shy to willing to say whatever's on her mind, and a myriad of other problems. A website like this is horrible for improving your writing, since everyone just replies "Awesome! Update more!" or something stupid along this lines. Honestly, this wasn't that good, and it seems like you went about writing a lemon without given legitimate reasons for said lemon to occur. The plot needs to be fleshed out a lot more, and no one's really in character. I'd apologize for being harsh, but considering 18 mindless readers just responded that it's perfect for some arbitrary reason, I figured you might actually be able to take this criticism and improve.
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  • From Jin on November 05, 2008
    Great beginning. I just hope it doesn't lead to an excessivly large harem. I suggest limiting it to four or five girl, that way you can actually develope thier characters. My suggestions are (in addition to Hinata) Temari, Kin, fem!Haku, and maybe Tenten. Older women like Kurenai and Shizune could be added in as fuck buddies.

    Keep up the great work!
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  • From Overlordofnobodies on November 05, 2008
    Not to bad. Better then I thought it will be. I like all of the pairings and hope to see want the girls think of the guy they got. I want to now what Ino thinks of Chouji. It going to be a pairing right?
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  • From DragonMan220 on November 05, 2008
    An interesting idea, I can't wait to see what other girls Naruto gets. I like the idea of the cat girls you mentioned, I'd love reading that fic! I wouldn't mind seeing Kyuubi being female and being forced to submit to Naruto with Hinata's help!
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  • From mbshadow88 on November 05, 2008
    Sorry i forgot to say this before you but a limit on the number of girls now and keep it around five or six at the most. Your last story was good but you just put to many girls with naruto you should pick out the girls now that way you won't neglect any of them like in you last story.
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  • From mbshadow88 on November 05, 2008
    Man I to take my hat off to you on this one. The idea for this story is so perverted that it's hilarious but at the same time its so brilliant i'm actually a little upset that I didn't think of it first. So I say this is the second time since I started read on this website that a writer does a full rewrite of the serious. Oh and if you need any help to speed the story along let me know.
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  • From Yamizenchou on November 04, 2008
    Well done. You seem to have a flair for Dominate Naruto. Works for me; I dislike submissive Naruto and Uke Naruto makes me twitch, a lot.
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  • From Chronostorm on November 04, 2008
    ooo i love the idea and have been waiting for something like this to come out i look forward to more i hope for Naruto to enslave femHaku if you could ;) i personally think Ino should have gone to Shikamaru but choji's ok i also look forward to seeing more kinky sex and possibly some bdsm
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  • From ecorate on November 04, 2008
    great story so far i hope there is no pragnincy or atleast anytime soon
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  • From SuperMutant on November 04, 2008
    Hella great.

    It must suck to be one of the guys arbitrarily stuck in sausage party like kiba.
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