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Reviews for The Return Of Uzumaki Dandji

By : garsdal
  • From 24CaratCoal on May 23, 2008
    Okay, I'm totally willing to Beta/Edit for you, I just need to know where to send the chapters to is all. So, I'll get started on the editing and I'll let you decide how you want things done. Though I would like to know a bit more about Dandji as a person- though that can be done through e-mail to avoid spoilers.
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  • From 24CaratCoal on May 23, 2008
    Alright, first off to get my only major complaint out of the way. His last name comes from his mother, not his father. Though now that a re-read the summary, I'm sure you've already thought of that. Though I'm guessing the reason Kishimoto used his mother's family name rather than his fathers was because of basic storyline. The villagers have a tremendous amount of respect for Minato, hell for all of the Hokages really, so they probably would have treated Naruto more like they treat Konohamaru if they had the blatantly obvious familial ties. The similarities in appearance can simply be passed off as coincidence for those who truly wish to hate and/or harm him. His mother however doesn't appear to be nearly as well known, so using her last name rather than fourths would cause them to think he's just a demon wretch with no one to protect him. (Tough call for Sarutobi, seriously, demon container growing up as a spoiled brat because of who his father it, or demon container being raised by the school of hard knocks.) I'm pretty sure I'm correct in my assumptions here, but I have been proven wrong on many occasions. But yeah aside from that and the grammar errors which you were already aware existed, it's a good story idea. Though I do advise getting someone to beta for you. It'll help smooth out some of the rough spots and plot holes that may/probably will appear in doing AU/AR. Seriously, I know how much of a bitch they can be. Anyway, good luck and I hope to see more of this soon.
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  • From Cyraxr on May 23, 2008
    Hmm interesting beginning and changes to the story of Naruto. I would like to see where this tale goes so please continue. Signed a fan of Hinata, Tayuya, Anko, Kurenai, and Temari.
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  • From serenagold on May 22, 2008
    whoa wait... Hinata is a demon too? o_O


    Also.. I could just be nitpicking... but taking a shower as he waits for instant ramen to cook? Huh? You boil water and pour it in a cup and wait three minutes for it to soak. That's it. The whole wording of that sentence just struck me as wrong. You do know how to make ramen, yes??



    Other than that, great story. I loved the opening chapter and its overall premise. I personally like how you chose to introduce Minato's brother before Naruto fails a third time or discovers he holds the Kyuubi. It opens the story up for so many new directions. Well done. Keep up the good work!
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