Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for Original Sin

By : Shiruy

From TrinityFromtheEraofBlood on December 18, 2009
It was amazing an i honestly can't wait for the next chapter!!!!!!! ahhh i love this pairing and please fix naruto after tying sasuke to a ceiling fan and turning it on because i really don't want him to kill sasuke and get in trouble and Minato gets in trouble to i would cry i really love your story and your writing is really good and i really really love this pairing!!!!!
Report Review
From TrinityFromtheEraofBlood on December 17, 2009
oh my god i fing loved it!!!!!! i i you leave me speechless you amazing person you i .....don't disappoint me please!!!!!!!!!!!! and i need a dictionary too lol
Report Review
From ANON - Nikana on January 16, 2009
did i leave a comment already?? doesn�t matter the chapter is good,very good and if you want eve marvelous.Hate Sasuke�s part though,stupid arrogant prick�� I hope you can update soon and do not leave this story in hiatus for much longer,its amazing ^^
take care
Report Review
From Blackwidina on November 27, 2008
All right, it just came to my attention that I haven't actually reviewed Original Sin AT ALL yet, which is criminal in and of itself. I humbly turn myself in for whatever punishment you deem appropriate. Hopefully, it involves blondes. X3

All right, in order to make up for it, I'm going to give you a big one, so here goes. I have sort of a 10-point scale that I rate fics on when I talk to other people. It's made up of five parts: plot, characterization, lemon(if applicable, of course), element, and readability.

1) Plot: I love it. Granted, like you warned, there wasn't a whole lot in the beginning, but I see it creeping up with the two of them trying to deal with the odd facets of their relationship, and in dealing with the changes of Naruto's seal. Not a huge amount of plot, but good just the same. I actually can't wait to see what Tsunade says about it. And I keep holding my breath and hoping no one finds out, because hell, it's a village full of ninja-even with the Hokage on your side, that's a tough thing to hide, especially with nins like Kakashi and the Inuzukas with super senses of smell and everything. Oh, and if Naruto doesn't kick Sasuke's ass, I will. Just so you know you have a volunteer. Hell, I'll even write a oneshot with my characters going over to your universe and doing it. He's an ass.

*coughcough* But I digress.

2) Characterization: I think you wrote everyone very well. It's a little hard to judge, seeing as it's AU, and we don't really have a base for Minato's personality, but I think you did an excellent job. They're all very believable.

3) Lemon: Oh. Migod. Need I even say it? *DROOOOOOOOOOOOOOL* This fic is one of the three top choices for quick reading before I *ahem* go to bed. For being your first, you sure started off right. Daaaaaaamn. And on a curious personal note, have you had any of those, 'omigodI'mwritingporn!' moments? I still have those... when I was younger, I wanted to be a writer, and now I sort of am, but I'm writing...well, porn. It makes me wonder if Jiraiya ever felt that way after watching Icha Icha be a huge success. Sometimes when I look at the numbers I've wracked up for Bitch Nights . . . I find myself wondering if it's for the porn or the plot. I'm afraid to ask, really...

4) Element: This pertains to what you (the author) is trying to do, a mixture of the pairing and the intent. Like you know how a fic is supposed to be sappy, or angsty or funny or porny or whatever. I'm not really sure how to classify your particular element, or what to call it, but it's addictive. It's got a pairing that many consider odd-something I'm guilty of-or disgusting, but you manage to pull it off admirably well by how well you play Naruto and Minato's emotional reactions. Give Me the Words is just the icing on the cake for that. In any case, you pull it off so well. I'd call you the kakashizgirl of Mina/Naru. And that's probably the highest praise I can give.

5) Readability: Bless you, bless you! You can spell. Or at least use spellcheck. Or use a beta. Whatever you do, it's so damn appreciated, I'm kissing your feet. I've probably passed over a score of really good stories simply because I couldn't read through the errors. You have so few mistakes that I can easily forgive the ones I do see-because after all, no one's perfect. I was re-reading one of my own chapters and had to literally bang my forehead on the desk when I caught one of my own. Something about how the *Uchiha's* were all emo or whatever. Gyah.

Over all, I'd give your scores a 2, 2, 3, 3, 2. That's a 12/10! Congrats! *glomps*

All right, I know you're probably bored of my inane banter, so I'll leave it there until the next chapter. But if you have MSN Messenger, my email's blackwidina@hotmail.com. I'd love to talk Naruto, fics, fanart, whatever you'd like. Or hell, if you just need a fangirl worshipping at your feet, I'm available. Trust me; I've got one, and she is the best thing in the world for when I'm feeling down! I think every author needs one devoted fangirl/boy on her writing staff.

Ja ne!

Blackwidina
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on November 14, 2008
Ohhhh! Bad Sasuke!

I think Minato's gonna be more than a little upset.
Report Review
From ANON - Eternal Cosmos on November 14, 2008
Oh my GOD! Talk about evil cliffhanger! Itachi acted weird with Naruto in one of the last chapters and now Sasuke is acting like a total bastard! Are both Uchiha heirs trying to win Naruto's heart?! Man, Minato's got his work cut out for him! Danger! Over-protective father (and lover!!!) on the prowl!

I can't wait to see the next update!
Take care!
Eternal Cosmos
Report Review
From ANON - Direwolflilith on November 13, 2008
My brain is dead. You killed it... You killed it and there is absolutely no chance for revival... -pokes lumpy gray matter-
Okay. First of all, I've never, ever read this pairing before, but the novelty of it trapped me and by the time I'd read the first few paragraphs of chapter one, I was pretty much hooked. You make the characters seem almost real, the feelings they have for each other a perfect blend of familial want and sexual need, that extra spice that turns the forbidden into something that, while still bad in the eyes of the world at large, is more than enough to risk for what can be. The portrayel of Minato's and Naruto's relationship is, to me, spot on, a perfect blend of teasing that one would come to expect from Naruto and, by proxy, his father as well as the sensual seduction, all tinged by the fear of someone finding out and the touch of the dangerous. And now we have the added element of Sasuke, which makes me want to fall off my bed in excitement. I simply cannot -wait- until the next chapter, and if you have a mailing list, I'd love to be added to it. Thanks!

-Direwolflilith, the butterflywithclaws@gmail.com
Report Review
From ANON - ShadowofLight on November 13, 2008
First, I really like this fic. The lemons are hot as hell and the plot is actually pretty good. But that brat did THAT to Naruto! Ooh I wish someone would jsut--permanently ensure he never has kids! Gah, poor Naruto though. Shit, I think if his dad didn't be so worry-worry he would have been jounin and shown that ass up. But well, I love this and I can't wait to read the rest.
Report Review
From Nekoastrid on November 13, 2008
great chapter. personaly I think he should have broke the uchiha's pretty littel face, sasuke has it coming big time. Itachi isn't half that damn arrogant and he's OLDER!. he's been hanging out with his other family members WAY to much. anyway rant aside. this is the best incest fic I've read. like I said before normaly I don't go that way but this one is good, hope to read more soon.

ja ne!
Report Review
From Nikana on November 12, 2008
Good,very good!!! an update!yay! reconnecting chapter and smooth.I cant wait to see Mr Hokage sama reaction to this little stunt from the crazy duck butt(mind you, Naruto is so not going to tell him muhahaha!)
Anyway,thanks for the update,very worth the wait^^
tke care
Report Review
From ANON - Meli Christophorous on November 12, 2008
sweet merciful christ, i went from cloud nine when naru was busy bugging poor kashi, to seering pissed at the audacity of a certain clan heir. tell me somebody hands this kids his own ass, please. as for minato...well, i just love him, no questions asked. i'm so happy you finally updated and i really hope you get another chapter out soon, cause another three month wait and i'll go bonkers. gah, i adore your take on naruto's character, and i'm pretty sure he wouldn't take kindly to getting dominated by anyone but minato. which should stick a potato in that uchiha-brat's tailpipe. the little fucker should be flayed, drawn, quartered and fed to the kyuubi. heh. anger management. oops. i LOVE LOVE LOVE this story, and can't wait for more. and happy birthday to idlesana! i'm reading her fic over on ff.net. makes me laugh. heh. love and peace and blessings! ja ne, Meli-chan.

p.s. has naru met gaara yet in this fic? i can't remember... but this should prove interesting whether or not you have that meeting in mind. just wondering...
Report Review
From ANON - andipose on November 12, 2008
Oh yes. The update I have been waiting for. I love this story. Simply love it. The intrigue with the Kyuubi seal, Naruto thinking of Minato as "mate", the hot, hot sex--It's all good. ^^ Though it seems like the secretary has figured out the Minanaru love and was objecting in her own way. -_- And now a cliffhanger! I'll have you know I check the 4th Hokage and Naruto character selection every day over on FF.net to see if you've updated Original Sin or the ficlets. Not to put any pressure on you or anything. They're just that good. ^^
Report Review
From ANON - Sailor Kismet on October 06, 2008
Omg. So hot....every chapter was golden. I hadn't ever read a MinaNaru before this. Your writing is amazing. I'm going to be looking out for more chapters from you. ^_^

P.S.: I didn't see any Sasuke bashing. ^_~ Sasuke seemed to act like he would if situations were different.
Report Review
From ANON - Angelique on October 01, 2008
Wow.... That was HOT! It was also excellently written. I look forward to what you come up with next with much glee and excitement.
Report Review
From deedeesan32 on August 21, 2008
X_X-dies from huge amount of blood loss-...........^.^ i just dont know how i could ever live without this story OMG!!!!! it is freakin hot >>i so hope that you finish this story i will die a slow painful death if you dont give me another chapter god im begging you to please put out another chapter or i will........hunt you down for the next chappie j/k newho i await the next chapter with great anticipation-cries tears of joy-this story is so awesome i mean words alone can not express how great this story is i know i will be doomed the moment this story is finished please email me whenever you update and I am your biggest fan god for a first timer wrinting fanfic you totally do a fantastic job please keep it up i will never be able to live if you dont write XDDDDDDD MinaNaru Rox!!!!!
-Deedeesan Ja,matta(l8trz);3
Report Review