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Reviews for The Canalized River

By : susanna
  • From FoxyFan69 on July 19, 2009
    Hi, I really love your story. It's kinda heartwarming.
    I also like how you characterised Sasuke and Naruto, and other characters. Giving that both of them were just teenagers, who completely treated differently, the two had different ways interpreting the world and how to deal with it. However, they were in a way the same in terms of what they were lacks of and longed for. Also, those surrounding them expected them differently so they looked after or helped them grow up differently. All in all, enjoy reading it every chapter. Thanks for charing
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 14, 2008
    Overall: GrrrrREAT story! So many awesome metaphors and symbolism! =D
    I’m okay with no sequel, but NO SMUT?! Come ONNNNN!! After you teased us so much a couple chapters earlier?? WHYYYYYYY?! *BANG!*BANG!*BANG!* (*head hitting the desk repeatedly*) Not faaaaaiiiiirrrrr . . . (*moaning*) T_T T_T

    Also, here’s a little verse of that song I mentioned in an earlier review:

    There are those who freeze their hearts
    Those who quit, before they start
    Who’ve frozen up the part of them that feels
    (Don’t freeze your heart)
    In the dark they lost their sight
    Like a ship without a star in the night
    But hold on tight
    Love heals!
    ~ Jonathan Larson

    Thanks for the story! I enjoyed reading and reviewing it! ^_^
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 14, 2008
    Epilogue: Huh? Now there’s narration? Cool. (Who’s narrating?) . . . . Oh, it’s Kakashi. He can probably relate this same mistake to what he told Sasuke years ago, to just “forget about revenge.” . . . . Interesting symbolism of Naruto taking Icha Icha with him; I totally forgot about that. . . . Interesting idea about Kakashi seeing counselors. I guess some ninja may need psychiatrists sometimes. . . . Hmm, I wonder what Sakura would decide to do if she left the team (what’s left of it) and what her reasons would be. . . . Oh, for God’s sake, Kiba and Yamato, Kakashi wouldn’t do that!! Jeez! . . . . Wow. I wouldn’t’ve expected those three to leave, together or not. o_o . . . . Love Kakashi’s misgivings about the girls and the possible “bitch fights.” . . . . Oh, there’s Team Hebi. . . . Hey, this just occurred to me: If Naruto set the Kyuubi free, does that mean his soul isn’t in jeopardy of being taken? . . . . (*sigh*) Kakashi, you ever gonna quit jumping to conclusions? I thought this was what you criticized yourself for earlier in this chapter. -_- . . . . (*snort*) “Won’t you all have a cup of tea?” I mean that’s a total fall-on-your-face moment. XD . . . . Kakashi couldn’t hear Naruto shouting at the Kyuubi to not go to the man? . . . . Ooookaaaay, so the Kyuubi killed the man after all. And Naruto had already been hit with the Mangekyou. When did that happen again? õ_ô . . . . “Unmanly?” That’d be funny if Kakashi was homophobic. XD . . . . Heh. Sasuke’s all “Grrrr, snarl” to Sakura and Hinata, like an animal when its offspring is threatened. It’s cute, but someone really needs to bitch at Sasuke to cut it out. ^^ And don’t growl at Hinata, you jerk! She won’t bite unless Naruto tells her to! (Okay I could be wrong on that, but still.) . . . . (By the way, I’d love to see a little comic about Sasuke growling at everyone to stay away while he’s holding Naruto; that’d be kinda funny. ^^) . . . . Hey, what happened to Konan? . . . . Funny, Karin telling Sasuke, “There’s no need for melodrama.” ^^ . . . . I wonder what Karin’s referring to when she says, “Damn. He thinks he can do anything, but he cannot.” . . . Lol, “You’re late, Kakashi-sensei.” Old habits die hard. ^^ . . . . Hey, Naruto, that’s kinda mean. Yeah, you and Sasuke are an “item” now, but don’t do that in front of Sakura even to just prove a point; it looks too much like gloating. . . . When did he realize that Hinata had a crush on him? . . . . Why on earth is Sasuke sorry for that guy? I certainly wouldn’t be. õ_ô . . . . “My brother,” eh? Hmm. Not sure if I approve or disapprove. Have to think on that one for a bit. õ_ô (I love this emoticon, I made it up myself. ^^) . . . . AHAHAHAHA, good one, Naruto! “You have to f*** him.” XDDDDDD (*uncontrollable laughter*) . . . . “It would be a bit perverted [. . .]” Uh, YEAH! 9_9 . . . . HAHA!! “Karin might actually do it.” XDDDD (*uncontrollable laughter again*) . . . . I really like this line: “He had switched loyalties rather quickly.” If Kakashi knew why, I wonder if he’d understand. . . . “Still compensating?” You sure you don’t mean “overcompensating?” Either way, the gist is funny. ^^ . . . . This is funny, the guys and Karin teasing Suigetsu and he’s just like, “Ah well, such is life. 9_9” XD I wonder how he’d get along with Shikamaru. . . . Oh yeah, I forgot Kakashi’s watching all this. XD And I love the whole paragraph starting with “I could not believe my hears.” (You mean “ears,” by the way.) All I was thinking when I was reading this paragraph was, “Welcome to the world of the lonesome rogues, Kakashi!” ^_^ . . . . I wonder what the girls are thinking while these guys trade comebacks about sex back and forth. ^^ . . . . Oh my God, this just keeps getting funnier! XD I’m dying of laughter here! XD . . . . Love Kakashi’s dry curiosity about what’s going on. That’s so him. (And I’m a little picky when it comes to Kakashi.) ^^ I love it when he said, “Hell, even I had just now accepted his orders.” ^^ . . . . Mm, Naruto’s had real confidence before, which I’m sure Kakashi had seen. I mean, sometimes Naruto was putting on an act, but not all the time (or so I believe). . . . I guess Kakashi doesn’t know about Zetsu, eh? I don’t blame him, the guy’s easy to miss (for ninja). . . . “[. . .] meaning that he became white as a sheet of paper.” Orochimaru? XD . . . . Ooookaaaay, Sasuke’s sudden “You don’t want me? ó_ò” was a little over the top if you ask me. And why didn’t Naruto just whisper or mumble to Sasuke that he needed a word in private? . . . . In other words, Sasuke, “Eat, drink, and be merry. For tomorrow you shall surely die.” Not sure if that’s quite right or where it’s from, but something like that anyway. . . . Heheh, I’m actually drawing a diagram of the seating arrangements around the campfire (or whatever). ^^ . . . . A speech feast? Oy. . . . That’s a cool thing to notice: “In the last 24 hours, he had shifted his loyalties completely [. . .] with Sasuke.” . . . . So what do you think would’ve happened if Naruto had released the Kyuubi’s light-half chakra into his own body? What do you think the result would’ve been? . . . . Oh, that’s so cute! Juugo’s introducing Hinata to the bird? Awwwww! :heart:heart:heart: . . . . And I love the idea of power replacing loneliness. That sort of thing turns up a lot in the manga as well, I’m sure. . . . Squeeeee, are Juugo and Hinata going to get together?! =D . . . . So why aren’t shinobi allowed to be gay? . . . . That is a strange sight. (K&S) And, uh, both boys giggling? õ_ô (Probably just the wrong term.) . . . . Oh, cool! You’re bringing in that scene about goals in life! =D . . . . Or ask a girl if she’s willing to be a surrogate mother, Sasuke. Or have a child done in vitro. It’s possible. . . . Love how they’re discussing the future and how it might work. . . . Kisame with a shy smile. Interesting. That I’ve got to see. . . . Awww, Juugo likes Hinata! ^_^ :heart:heart:heart: . . . . Love the paragraph, “I pitied Sasuke.” ^^ (This would make another great picture, of them all doing their own stuff around the campfire.) . . . . I can’t really picture Hinata saying that. (I tend to be picky about her as well.) And call me stupid, but just to clarify, was Naruto referring to, uhm . . . Juugo’s d***? (*MEGABLUSH of embarrassment*) . . . . I kinda like the idea about Sasuke being embarrassed. ^^ . . . . I guess there’s no such thing as subtlety with Naruto. . . . That’s an interesting line: “We should have never accepted him in our ranks. He was far too young.” Interesting way to think of Itachi; I kinda like it. =) . . . . It’s kinda weird how the Akatsuki have (twisted) morals about kids and stuff. They’re totally weird. Arrgh, they’re all freaks! . . . . Will he have a life after a trial? Even if he was seduced, in some places that’s no excuse. . . . “Itachi will have to recover without his brother’s help.” I think there’s a hidden meaning in there somewhere. . . . LOLLL! “Lots and lots of females fussing over him. The worst torture Sasuke could ever imagine.” It’s the Uchiha genes, people! XDD Oh God, and then I read the next two lines! XDDDDD (*helpless giggles*) Ohhh God, this is just too funny! XDDD . . . . “[. . .] who did not need being fussed over.” Not according to the girls his age, apparently! ^^ . . . . Cool! Kakashi’s joining in! =D
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 14, 2008
    Chapter 36: Oh my, I like this opening. ^^ . . . . I liiiiike this scene. (*droooool*) *_* . . . . Tricky picture, that particular expression on Sasuke’s face: mouth smiling ever-so-slightly but the eyes are beaming. But, um, (*aherm*) “Naruto’s eyes filled with tears” seemed a little farfetched to me. ¬_¬; . . . . Excluding the crying part, Naruto’s thought of “I want him inside me” (*blush*) is totally masculine, which I totally encourage; yay for the manly ukes! =D . . . . Where are they, by the way? This isn’t still the sharing-cookies scene, is it? And what time is it? And where’s everyone else? . . . . “Pretended not to notice.” “Sasuke concentrated on answering Naruto’s increasingly passionate kisses and tried to forget what was happening in the lower regions of his body.” Uh, can you say “awkward” and “not gonna work?” ^^ . . . . The chakra doing that stuff; is this like that legend Karin mentioned to Naruto earlier? . . . . Arrrgh, WHYYYYYY?!? Soooo -- not -- FAIR! (*wails to the sky*) . . . . There better be a repeat performance that goes all the way, dammit. (*grumbles*) . . . . Confidence is good, Sasuke, just don’t get overconfident. . . . I’ve always said that Itachi was “born under a bad sign with a blue moon in his eyes.” (Song is Woke Up This Morning performed by A3; I consider it to be Itachi’s theme song. ^^) . . . . Excellent description and metaphor of severing bonds. And it’s pointed out a possible difference in Itachi and Sasuke: Itachi destroyed his bonds, whereas Sasuke just froze them. . . . Oh, hell yeah! Naruto’s still hella tough without the Kyuubi! >:D . . . . Oh yeah, I forgot that a person has more dimensions than what the surface shows. . . . And Itachi has frozen a part of himself as well. . . . That’d be interesting, seeing Itachi afraid. . . . Interesting about the glass and concrete. I wonder what they symbolize. . . . How come Itachi’s not stopping the kagebunshin from turning the mirrors? . . . . I wonder what Shikamaru would say to Sasuke if he heard Sasuke’s thoughts about chess. . . . I thought Itachi was a little afraid earlier? What happened? All through this whole mirror experience he seemed to have regained his composure. . . . Hey, how did this all knock out Itachi? What was Itachi experiencing physically? I’m confuuuuused. ?_? . . . . Just don’t look at the Mangekyou, Sasuke! . . . . So Naruto’s seeing Sasuke’s nightmares. I’ve always wanted to see that in a fanfiction. Thanks for putting it in. . . . Um, I don’t think that’s necessarily true when you say “never for their lost lives.” I think he mourned for them too. . . . Hang on. If Sasuke was hit with the Mangekyou, how can Naruto lead him out of the house? Wouldn’t the house be locked or something? . . . . Whoa, damn, that was grim. Mistaking a graveyard for a garden? (*shivers*) . . . . Whoa, that was clever, the guy summoning the Kyuubi and sending Naruto into a panic. . . . Wha? Hey! How’d that happen?! First the Kyuubi goes to the man, Sasuke realizes (maybe) that the Kyuubi’s going to kill the man (maybe), and then the guy catches Naruto with the Mangekyou? How?!? I’m so confuuuused!! @_@ Oh and where the hell are Suigetsu, Karin and Juugo?? I thought they were backup!
    In response to one of the A/Ns: “Canonwise, the Yondaime took the dark half with himself to the Underworld when he sealed the rest of the chakra into Naruto.” Thinking on that sealing technique, I notice that the two times it’s shown in the manga (first was the Kyuubi, the second was the attempt of Orochimaru by the Sandaime), they’ve only done things partway: only the light half was sealed into Naruto, and only Orochimaru’s arms were sealed. And the weird thing about the latter is that Orochimaru seems to be able to use his arms in later fights after he switched bodies. What the hell. õ_ô
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 13, 2008
    Chapter 35: Hoo boy, long chapter ahead. o_o
    That’s a little ironic, Sasuke being scared that Naruto would disappear in the night. ^_^; . . . . “Why should he suddenly be gay?” He wouldn’t, Sasuke, he would suddenly be bisexual. ^^ . . . . Nice choice, Sasuke, go slow at first. . . . “[. . .] there were genuine kindness and a compassionate heart.” Sasuke never noticed that?? . . . . I’ve always wondered what Sasuke thought at the Land of Waves. They kind of left that up in the air. (Well, it wasn’t that big a deal anyways, but I was curious.) . . . . Hmm, Sasuke, do I hear a little self-contempt? And I love how he realizes that he’s suddenly fallen in love and how he takes the revelation. . . . (*snicker*) “You did not Chidorize me just now, did you?” XD . . . . Love the lines about their arms. . . . Love the confusion. . . . Okay, I like how Sasuke admitted that he was worried for Juugo. . . . “Juugo was badly in need of the second kind.” Meaning he needs a girl/boyfriend? That kind of love? (Actually, there’s also familial-love as well as friendship-love and intimate-love.) . . . . (*giggle*) I always thought Juugo was more like 45 cm taller than Sasuke. XD Honestly, the guy’s huge. ^^ . . . . You should get together with Sai, Sasuke; you both need to learn about love and interaction with others. ^^ (Just kidding, I actually think that would just aggravate both of them if they were stuck together.) . . . . I’m guessing that Karin and Suigetsu can be called “official lovers” now; I wasn’t so sure before. I guess they don’t waste any time. . . . “But the way it looked at me was scary in itself.” XDD I can just picture him going out there and just freezing, wide-eyed. And then thinking, “I’m, uh, going over there,” and moves away from the Kyuubi. XDDD . . . . AHAHAHA!! “ ‘Sure we are,’ Sasuke answered, and let his eyes wander freely up and down Suigetsu’s body.” Good one, Sasuke, good one! XDDDD . . . . Ohhhh, so the stuff that had infected Juugo was the dark half of the Kyuubi? I see! That’s awesome! =D . . . . How does Sasuke suddenly know that Itachi’s alive? I thought they weren’t sure. . . . This is interesting; in the manga, everyone tries to either defeat the Kyuubi or capture it. But this group actually wants to protect it. Hard to think of the Kyuubi needing protection, even from the Akatsuki, with or without Naruto. But it’s a cool idea. . . . Love the insight into the real fear and danger behind someone having Madara’s power. You wrote that bit really well. . . . “For the first time in his life, Sasuke pitied his brother.” Understandable in this case, but I keep thinking it’s grudging pity. . . . Has Sasuke admitted to Suigetsu that he had made a mistake earlier in not meeting up with Naruto? Because, if not, then that might knock down the grudge a little. . . . Nice decision, Sasuke; he’s reminding me a bit of Shikamaru in this case, analyzing abilities and deciding how to best put them to use. . . . Cookies! =D . . . . Only, in this case, “Mother” and one of the “little boys” are screwing each other. ^^; . . . . Another traumatic memory, eh? Interesting idea, but I think I prefer the idea that he’s just not into sweets, because they don’t appeal to him that much. Not that your idea is bad, I’m just stating my own preferences. . . . Hmm, touching scene of Naruto comforting Sasuke, but to me it seemed a bit much. I know it’s a hard thing to get over, but it was so long ago when his aunt and uncle died, even if he is only now beginning to unfreeze his heart. Sorry, it just seemed a little out of the blue to me. But it was cute when Naruto said, “Do you want a cookie now?” Cookies make people feel better. ^^ . . . . “What could Itachi gain by killing them? [. . .] friendly old people.” I’ve heard that in real life, when ninjas are hired to kill a person, they often wipe out the entire family. That doesn’t really fit with leaving Sasuke alive, but he wanted something from Sasuke and was just waiting to finish his assignment. Also, if he thought the fighters of the clan were pathetic, what about the mere civilians in the clan? In the case of this story, “Uchihas were meant to rule, not serve.” So what the hell are a couple of clan members doing making cookies for everyone, for crying out loud? That’s my guess when it comes to this story. . . . That’s a good idea, Sasuke, so long as you don’t let it depress you. . . . (*snicker*) “You are still cute.” “Moron.” XD . . . . Hey! Since when are black-and-orange “horrible colors?” They’re major colors for Halloween, my favorite time of the year! And anyway, I think they look hot on Naruto! (Better than orange-and-blue anyway.) õ_õ . . . . Lol, “Where’s the connection?” Confuuuused. ^^ . . . . Wake up, Sasuke! He just accepted your proposal! ^_^
    To some of the A/Ns: Oh yeah, Naruto’s totally bi. And you’re probably right about gays getting used to anal sex. It might be an acquired taste and something they want to experience. (Although humans in general sometimes get weird ideas and urges. Not that gays having anal sex is weird, but it probably was when the idea was first ever tried out.)
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 13, 2008
    Chapter 34: Hmm, have you read the book The Dark Half by Stephen King? It’s pretty cool.
    Juugo “of the Scales?” Did you make that up? Sounds cool. I wonder why scales. . . . Hey, Karin and Suigetsu didn’t do it right in the same room with everyone else, did they? ¬_¬ . . . . Even in those terms, I have a hard time thinking of Itachi as “helpful,” even accidently in this case. (*sweat*) . . . . But Juugo’s sweeter, Naruto! :heart: . . . . Jesus. From one nightmare to the next? I hate it like holy hell when that happens to me. I really sympathize with Juugo. (*hugs Juugo*) . . . . (*groans*) Oh, Juugo! >.< I feel so bad for him! (*hugs tighter*) . . . . Huh? Wait. “This had been the dark half of the Kyuubi’s chakra.” Where? What was it? I missed something here! >.< . . . . Seemed a little too . . . “wussy” for Naruto to start crying here. I mean, I know he’s been through a lot and needs to get some of it out of his system, but . . . I dunno, it just seemed kind of early and a little too wimpy for me. (Please forgive the criticisms.) . . . . Naruto’s positive the Kyuubi won’t hurt him? I’m still wary.
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 13, 2008
    Chapter 33: So they slept together? Awww. :heart: . . . . Long day, eh? . . . . Love Naruto’s questions about Sasuke. And the last one cracked me up, even though it was a perfectly reasonable question. ^^ . . . . And then it gets even funnier with the next paragraph. XD I guess Naruto really wasn’t kidding when he said too much had happened. XD . . . . “He who was so strong and [. . .] who would not let anyone touch him – he should give his body [. . .] f*** him?” Not necessarily, Naruto. I’m about as straight as possible, but I don’t engage with men when I’m attracted to them. There is such a thing as celibacy, Naruto; Sasuke could be gay but not practicing. . . . Hebi’s certainly unprejudiced, which is fortunate -- well, maybe a little for some things, but not for such nonsense as sexuality and having a huge monster stuck inside you. (XD . . . Honestly, no pun was intended. XDD) . . . . Erm, might want to revise this sentence a little: “He had learnt how women went not only for the best-looking [. . .]” you know the rest. Not all women are like that, actually (which I’m sure you know), but maybe you could’ve put: “He had learnt how some women went [. . .]” and so on. . . . Lol! “Over thirty.” So typical. XDD . . . . Jiraiya’s line to Naruto. Odd. I kinda like it and I kinda don’t. õ_ô . . . . Arrgh, MEN! Can’t live with them, can’t live without them! (*shakes fist at sky*) Curse you, villains, for making me a woman! (I’m just being silly. XD) . . . . I know, Naruto, sex is weird, I know. -_- . . . . Since when did he have erotic fantasies about Hinata? She’s hardly ever there. But I guess she does have huge tits. ¬_¬ . . . . Man, this is so not fair! Please tell me they’re going to do each other in front of us readers before the story’s done! O_O . . . . Wait, wait, back up. He’s talking about Sakura now, “and he had never imagined her naked.” But a few paragraphs above that, there was the line, “His erotic fantasies, even those that did not include Hinata or Sakura [. . .]” How can Sakura be in his erotic fantasies but not naked? Did he fantasize about doing her with her clothes on, or her sucking him off, or just innocent little smoochies, or what?? (Sorry if this sounds crude, I watched Kathy Griffin last night. *sweat*) . . . . Dude! [to Naruto] You can be lovers without engaging in anal sex! Oy! . . . . Sasuke’s physical design is really tricky actually. When I think about him for a long time, I do get that “gracious and lean, even feminine” sort of image. But then looking at the manga again, he’s actually pretty masculine. He’s somewhere on the line between “beautiful” and “handsome.” . . . . Don’t think for a second, Naruto, that all those troubles will totally disappear if you switch over. . . . I really liked this chapter! It’s kind of cool how it’s completely about a person’s private thoughts; you don’t see that every day. And of course I liked all the sexy talk (*blush*). But I just loved how it kept going around and around and he kept trying to imagine relationships and possibilities and contemplate love and lust and all that stuff. Really a cool chapter.
    To the last sentence of you A/N: It’s actually pretty cool how so much time is taken for such a short amount of time (several chapters for one night). There’s a play called Rent; have you seen it? (The play, not the movie.) The first act covers several people meeting each other and making tons of decisions, but it takes place over the span of about 3 hours. Whereas the second act is shorter than the first, but it takes place over the span of a whole year! o_o Funny how stories work, huh? ^_^
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 13, 2008
    Chapter 32: Wow. Cool transition. A spiritual embrace and it turns out that it’s happening physically as well. . . . Yeah, that would be creepy. . . . So where the hell did the Kyuubi go?! . . . . Oh, there it is. . . . That’d be a cool picture of Naruto caressing the Kyuubi while Sasuke looks on. . . . I guess Naruto can’t help having some affection for the Kyuubi. . . . Hmm, I’m not so sure if I totally approve of Naruto giving up his dream of Hokage for Sasuke. I mean, it makes sense, his friends come before himself, but it sounds just a little too shojo-romantic. (Hate to criticize, please forgive. >.
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 13, 2008
    Chapter 31: Question: where is Juugo in his own mind? . . . . I like how Sasuke wants to keep Juugo’s mind private. It is kind of a personal experience. . . . That’s a cool line: “There’s more to my mind than this?” Has kind of a philosophical ring to it. . . . That’s also a neat distinction: “Everybody admires him for his courage. Nobody realizes that he is just not able to see any danger.” . . . . What?! You’re kidding me! Naruto’s not, uh, real . . . adult down there? Is that what you’re trying to say? . . . . This is cool, taking a tour of Naruto’s mind. Awesome! =D . . . . Hey . . . if the Kyuubi’s not there, where is he? . . . . Jeez, there’s a whole town? Yeesh. . . . (!) I saw the word “canalized.” (*alert*) . . . . This is interesting, how he says that Sharingan only sees so much and that normal eyes can see something that the Sharingan would miss. Makes sense. It kinda reminds me of when a person loses faith or religion when they become scientific. Not everybody, but some people tend to rely on science without any kind of faith. . . . “Fool” is right, and Naruto’s proud to be one. ^^ . . . . Wow, that makes total sense about it not working with yourself. I’ve often believed that you know yourself better than anyone else, and everyone else can see things about you that you cannot. . . . What does Naruto mean when he says “It’s not that bad?” . . . Oh. Jerking off? Was that what he meant? (*sweat*) . . . . Like I said: Sasuke’s repressed. . . . “He did it without my permission when I went after you and Jiraiya and he only used it to torture me.” One word for that: rape. . . . “Retreat?” Makes sense. Sounds sad. . . . I understand what you mean when you said “He had learnt to recognize sadness and despair.” But if you ask me, I think he could recognize that on his own. Not at first glance, but once someone would tell their story, he could definitely recognize it. By the way, are they still in Naruto’s mind, or did they move over to Sasuke’s mind? . . . . I hope Sasuke doesn’t make that connection of the “delicacy.” He wouldn’t like that. . . . “Not all black and white.” Yay, more symbolism! =D . . . . “What have I done? Winter everywhere – even here.” And personally, I’m thinking: “YESSSSS!!!” Sorry about that, but it reminded me of a couple lines from a song I like. The song’s called “Love Heals” by Jonathan Larson if you’re interested. There’s a part where it talks about freezing your heart, and it just sprang into my mind when you were showing this scene. ^_^
    To the A/N: One of my favorite novelists in real life is often surprised by his own stories too. But that’s cool, how canalized rivers turned up unexpectedly!
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 12, 2008
    Chapter 30: Holy cow, I love the first paragraph. That is alarming. . . . Huh? “Acting in panic of panicking [. . .]” What? Sorry. . . . Does Juugo necessarily have to be awake when Sasuke looks into his eyes? Because can’t they just gently open Juugo’s eyes while he’s still unconscious? And did Karin and Suigetsu fall asleep? They were supposed to be watching Juugo. . . . Cool description of Juugo’s innerspace. Is that his homeland? . . . . Whoa, cool! Naruto just got in Juugo’s mind! =D . . . . Love it when Sasuke says, “but I certainly don’t make up the pictures.” Not his thing. ^^ . . . . I wonder has Naruto tried the deep breaths and counting to 10? Or 100? That sometimes helps cool a hot temper. . . . I like your idea of how Sasuke subdues Juugo. Excellent imagery and description. And it makes total sense that this is symbolic to overcoming your own fears and stuff! Part of development. And it’s something that can make Sasuke stronger. I kinda like to think that the seeing-into-your-mind/soul trick was something that Sasuke discovered on his own, though. ^_^ . . . . The chakra’s getting a mind of its own? Curious. . . . Ohhhh . . . crap. O.O (Naruto just ripped the seal off). . . . Sasuke seems to be taking this rather calmly. Wouldn’t ripping the seal off practically be opening the floodgates to the Kyuubi’s chakra? . . . . I wonder what Karin and Suigetsu would see if they woke up right now. And what would Karin sense with all this chakra activity? . . . . Now I’m really excited: “Without killing him?” “Without killing him.” “Get Karin!” I get the feeling that Sasuke thinks the Kyuubi’s words were bad news disguised as good news. . . . Wow. So it’s really okay? With the Kyuubi out from behind the seal and everything? (*worried*)
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 12, 2008
    Chapter 29: I like the way Naruto’s feeling right now. Really understandable. . . . Hmm, I don’t recall any real major affection that Yamato may have shown, but I think he came off a little harsher in this chapter than he really was. . . . Love how Naruto’s expressing his “concern” about Sasuke’s team (or his dubiousness, I should say). ^^ . . . . LOLLL!! “ Even when you were twelve you acted as if you were nine.” XDD . . . . “His image of Sasuke [. . .] did not go together with homosexuality.” (Only to yaoi-lovers and fangirls and groupies. XD) . . . . I think I see why Naruto’s upset right now: He wants things to be like they were before Sasuke left; before all this concern about the Kyuubi, the insecurity, Sasuke getting a new team, Naruto leaving his own team, etc. His family is in all different directions and there’s been so many changes. . . . “Given up trying to be a ninja?” She is a ninja! Where the hell did Sasuke get the idea that she wasn’t? õ_o . . . . Um, I don’t think Suigetsu and Karin are “lovers” yet -- they haven’t done it. “Lovebirds,” maybe? And Sasuke seems to be wavering between concerned-and-learning-to-be-nice and son-of-a-bitch in this story. He was pretty nice in the previous chapter, but now he’s all mean. Meaner than usual; I notice he tends to be like that when he’s around Naruto or Sakura in this story. . . . Okay, now things are getting heated (I’m on the part when they’re discussing Itachi). I like this part; I can totally see it. . . . I like it when Sasuke admits his mistake; he reasoned it out loud, which was cool. . . . This is a really cool scene, when their tempers just come back down and . . . I dunno how to describe it; it just seemed really natural to me. Even when Sasuke leans towards Naruto here. Totally natural. But, um, the paragraph of “Finally Sasuke put his arm [. . .] unable to think.” I had to think about it for a few seconds. I think if it was just a little slower and subtler it could’ve worked better. Once again, it just seemed a little too out of the blue. And does Naruto like Sasuke the way Sasuke likes him? And does Sasuke know that he likes Naruto?
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 12, 2008
    Chapter 28: I really like the line about how exhausted Sasuke is. . . . Ahahaha! I knew he would wake up now! XDD I mean, like, “*ahem* Guys? You have an audience. >_>” XDD . . . . It’s really hard to tell with Sasuke when it comes to sexual or romantic feelings. He could be asexual, straight, gay, or bi, he just doesn’t seem to show it a lot. Or he could just be repressed from the trauma his brother laid on him and his focus on avenging the clan and all that stuff. Or he’s just clueless. Or, etc, etc. The fun thing about that is that it leaves a lot of openings for us fanfiction readers/writers. =D . . . . I wonder why Sasuke chose who seemed the most beautiful to him; I’m having a hard time picturing that part, so I’d kinda like to see how that whole scene went. Or that whole day, actually, to know what his thoughts on all that were, or why or whatever. (“Why” because I’m curious as to what made him interact with those guys then; from what I’ve seen of him, he didn’t seem to interact too much with anybody else unless it was part of training to get stronger. So how’d he get roped into looking at a magazine with a bunch of boys? =) ) . . . . Okay, I just finished reading that paragraph, and some of my questions are answered, but I’d still like to see that scene. . . . Ohhh! Clever! So that’s where Sakura got the idea that Sasuke likes long hair; she overheard him talking to the guys! I’ve always wondered about that! Thank you! ^_^ . . . . “Still he could not help being touched by [. . .] between Karin and Suigetsu [. . .]” Yeah, cuz you’ve gone through some more puberty now, Sasuke. XD And he also probably missed Naruto and Sakura during the time-skip, so now seeing intimacy and trust is an even bigger thing to him. . . . Heh. Did Naruto notice that Sasuke woke up? Guess not, otherwise he might’ve said something. ^^ . . . . Dude! Did those two forget they’ve got company?? Jeez! ô_o . . . . And Sasuke’s discovering that he’s gay, eh? Cool. I don’t see the “discovery” very often, and I love how you wrote it as kind of sneaking up on him. I mean, so far you’ve shown that he has no interest in girls, and he says he’s not gay because dignity demands it, but I wonder if he really knew that his attraction was meant for the male gender and not the female; I mean, had he really considered that men could be sexy? . . . . I SWEAR TO FREAKIN’ GOD, THIS STORY SHOULD BE MADE INTO A FREAKIN’ DOUJINSHI!! =D (Sorry about that, but this is just too good! I keep seeing this as a manga in my head!) . . . . Heh. Yeah, I figured that Orochimaru and Kabuto would be screwing each other or something. And I guess seeing that would make someone just think “Don’t even go there. Not thinking about it.” ^^ . . . . Oh, and that was an awesome metaphor about “stepping off the shore.” I haven’t heard that one before. =) . . . . Oh Gawd, Naruto did know that Sasuke was awake! XD . . . . “We’re sorry. We did not mean to . . .” Don’t they feel awkward at all?! õ_ô . . . . Well, now I know what happened to Juugo. But still, when did they find him? When Suigetsu and Karin met Naruto, there wasn’t any mention of Juugo. . . . Sooo, Juugo’s cursed state takes a toll on his body? I can understand why it would to other people, who’ve had it forcibly injected into them, but . . . oh wait, never mind. I just remembered Juugo sort of “caught the disease” as well. But NOOOO, SAVE JUUGO, I LIKE JUUGO! T_T . . . . Argh, where’s a Hyuuga when you need one? They can see those little point-things; some of those are probably stopped up and if the Hyuuga could release them, then maybe the chakra would flow better. I think. That’s my guess anyway. I commend you and your ideas. ^_^ . . . . Lol, Suigetsu’s baiting Sasuke. XD . . . . “Naruto stared at him in confusion.” Don’t blame you there, buddy; Sasuke’s changed again. (He does that a lot. ^^) . . . . “Naruto only looked hurt and did not answer.” Why’d he look hurt? Sasuke’s showing him some concern; I woulda thought Naruto’d prefer that. . . . Huh? Wait a second. I thought he wasn’t sure if Itachi was dead or not. So why’s he apologizing? They should find out sooner or later. ô_o . . . . Lol, “genjutsu thingies.” Love it how Suigetsu’s all confused about them. ^^ . . . . Ooookaaaay, what made Sasuke say that to Karin? That she looked beautiful? I like the dialogue between Sasuke and Suigetsu after that, but, um, where did that come from? (Call me picky, but I think he would’ve gone with “You look nice” rather than “You look beautiful.” He still seems to keep his feelings to himself a lot, and I thought “beautiful” seemed kind of a strong word for him. Sorry, just my thoughts on the subject. *sweat*) . . . . What, they had a bet about Sasuke being gay or not? . . . . Oh jeez, this little debate between Naruto and Sasuke is hilarious! XD . . . . They’re teasing you cuz they love you, Sasuke! ^_^ . . . . And the metaphorical boat and river returns. Love that. . . . Wow. It never ever occurred to me that Sasuke would see dealing with women easier. Well, okay, it has unconsciously turned up in stories, but never in those words. One really good thing about your writing is that you’re good at pointing out exactly what we’re thinking, even when we don’t realize it ourselves. . . . Don’t think too hard on it, Sasuke. Just act as you always have and you shouldn’t have a problem.
    ((Holy cow, this review was looong. o_o))
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 12, 2008
    Chapter 27: Het? I’ll brace myself. XD
    If he’s being honest, I take it the turn-into-water trick is the reason for no wounds. . . . Yeah, it was obvious to me, too, that Itachi was keeping something private. But this is interesting, Suigetsu talking Kisame out of a fight. . . . “Not able to kill.” Sometimes I wonder. . . . Hah! Suigetsu’s throwing Karin’s reasoning back in her face. XD . . . . My God, Suigetsu’s hilarious! I’d love to see this interaction between him and Karin with Naruto watching in the background all in a manga! ^^ . . . . Wait a minute. Did Karin really take her shirt off? She didn’t protest? Okay, she’s smiling, but still. . . . And, um, how did the scene just suddenly go from WTF-crazy-moment-with-sweatdrops to tender-and-affectionate? I, uh, think you could put a little more, um, emphasis(?) on that part so it could flow a little more smoothly. . . . (*snort*) Interesting description of Karin’s breasts. Doesn’t sound appealing to me. ^^; . . . . Dude, Naruto, don’t stare, it’s impolite. (Actually, never mind, I used to watch couples make out when I was 15 too. *sweat*) . . . . This’d kinda make a nice picture, these two acting kind of shy and Naruto just watching. . . . “Tenths of a millimeter?” Is that even possible? ô_ô . . . . Exhibitionists, oy. Get another room, you two. ^^ (That’d be funny if Sasuke chose that moment to wake up quietly and just watch. XD) . . . . Jiraiya’s such a whore. XD . . . . Nice! I like it! I like how you described the scenes in Jiraiya’s books! And then I love the last paragraph! What I think is really interesting about this is we, the readers, don’t get all lost in sex scenes, and we’re able to focus on plot and the characters’ thoughts & reflections. Awesome. =)
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 12, 2008
    Chapter 26: Prisoners? Surely not the Akatsuki members. . . . And where the hell is Juugo?? . . . . Hmm. Naruto’s had just about as much as he can take when it comes to rejection, so I like how short (in tone) he is with Suigetsu. . . . “[. . .] but for some reason the man’s words had not hurt him.” My guess is because Suigetsu’s being totally honest with him about being wary. . . . (*snicker*) “Naruto was confused again.” XDD . . . . They seriously caught the Akatsuki?? O.O . . . . Hmm, I wonder what Suigetsu’s going to think about Sasuke’s do-not-kill condition now. . . . Sounds kinda funny: “Overlooked Itachi.” I mean, how does one overlook him of all people?! XD . . . . Huh? Wait a minute. When did Juugo come in?? (*checks back over chapters*) Where’d he come in? õ_o . . . . Ahahaha! “You’d love to.” ^^ . . . . Love the comparison between Karin and Sakura. . . . So his shoulder was dislocated? . . . . “If this was not an interesting prospect.” Oh God, that sounded so dry, I loved it. It’s like, “Well, well, what’s this?” ^^ (*breaks down into uncontrollable giggles*) XD . . . . Love Suigetsu’s paragraph of, “Ey! You are useful!” ^^ . . . . I guess Sasuke can look fragile when he’s out cold and wounded, but otherwise I don’t think he does. . . . I like the logic you used about the difference between injecting chakra and actually getting it to move. . . . Oh, jeez! XD They exchanged looks, “There’s a way, but I don’t think you’d like it.” “Sasuke might, though.” XDDD I’m wide awake for this news! =D . . . . Oh man, I love that legend. :heart: And I like the way you went into details about synchronization and total melding into new chakra and all that stuff. Cool. And I also like how it gives kind of a reason for the blissful state too. . . . Why’s Naruto irritated about the story? . . . . (*snicker*) “These were the weirdest people he ever met.” And that’s saying something alright. ^^ It’s also a funny reaction to everything Karin just told him. XD . . . . Nothing wrong at all, Naruto; stop being so paranoid. . . . HAH! “Don’t let him irritate you.” Karin’s irritating Naruto way more than Suigetsu is, I think! And she’s the one who’s irritated at Suigetsu! XD . . . . Okay, I spoke too soon: “And not some other part of your body.” XD . . . Nice note to end the chapter with; indeed, Naruto could use that trick. ^^ (It’s probably genetic, though.)
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 10, 2008
    Chapter 25: So Naruto got hit with the Mangekyou? . . . . Love Naruto’s insecurity here. . . . And, like the earlier chapter, we’ve got some similarities to the Land of Waves arc. ^_^ . . . . This is cool, how this time Naruto’s keeping the Kyuubi in check. . . . Ohhh, I think I see now. Sasuke got hit with the Mangekyou. How the hell did all this happen?! There’s some chunk of information missing from between the last chapter and this chapter! (Intentional, I’m sure. ^^) . . . . Oh, it’s Suigetsu and Karin! For a moment there, I thought it was the other two Akatsuki members (of course, it could be them using Henge). . . . Yay, he’s alive! (I had a feeling he was, but still. ^^) . . . . (*snicker*) Suigetsu’s insult to Karin. XD Hey, where’s Juugo? >> / .< . . . . Love this scene. It kinda teases a little, but it’s interesting as well. I like picturing this in my mind as a live-action crime-drama or something. . . . I like Suigetsu’s lines to Naruto starting with, “Must have been one of their genjutsu things.” Love the way he talks. ^^ . . . . Oh, that was cool! “[. . .] holding him and keeping him warm were the best things you could have done. You probably saved his life.” Awesome! =D . . . . I understand Naruto’s more depressed feelings here. . . . “A job for men.” Arrgh, so sexist! D: (I’m just kidding, by the way. ^^)
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