Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for The Canalized River

By : susanna

From ANON - Anon on February 28, 2008
Chapter 9: LOL, “Ten days ago [. . .]” Yeah, as I was reading the first line of the story, I was thinking, “Uh-oh.” ^^ . . . . Hmm, with Ino I don’t recall Sasuke ever telling her to back off, so that’s probably why she kept at it; Sakura would back off for a while when Sasuke told her to, but she’d make another attempt at a later date; Karin just seems to take every opportunity. I also get the feeling that even if Ino did accept that Sasuke is not and will never be interested in her (in my opinion), she’d probably still jump him just to bug him. >D . . . . It’s called “social grace,” Sasuke (I think). And no, the girls may not have much of it either, but I think if you sat down and talked to them about why you’re saying no, then maybe it’ll make an impression. I know, I know it’s not your thing to share stuff like that, but that’s what they mean when they say you don’t have any. ^_^; . . . . “He even got the impression [. . .]” Well, duh! Who wouldn’t? XD . . . . “Fighting machine.” Good description. That seriously explains the Mangekyou, which I’ve speculated about all last year. . . . I notice this whole story is pretty dark. Not the worst I’ve read, but very serious. This isn’t gonna turn into Angst, is it? ó_ò . . . . Oh, Sasuke, that’s not nice! You’re telling Naruto’s secret! Okay, it’s not totally a secret, but it’s not your place to tell! õ_õ . . . . “It assisted with the foundation of the village?” Huh. Never thought of that. . . . Yeah, Suigetsu’s shrewd that way; not always, but he’s pretty good when it comes to people. ^_^ . . . . I’m wondering: Is Juugo going to be more active in this story? I like him. :) . . . . I like the story about the bargains with demons. 30s or 40s seems kind of late to me, though. But I guess it works. . . . I always love it when people say, “But it’s just a story.” It makes you wonder how much of it was truth and how much was fiction. Ever read the manga Ayashi no Ceres (the English title is CERES: Celestial Legend)? It covers something like that; it’s one of my favorite mangas. ^_^ :heart: . . . . Love the insecure question at the end of this chapter. But Sasuke’s taking some stuff for granted. He might not live past his battle with his brother, and how would he help Naruto then? Also, we don’t know how long it might take for Sasuke to defeat his brother if he lives; it doesn’t seem likely, but it could take years. Leaving less time to help Naruto.
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From ANON - Anon on February 28, 2008
Chapter 8: I like this opening. . . . I like the topic of this conversation. . . . “[. . .] and how he gets upset every time I use my Sexy no Jutsu.” I thought Jiraiya liked it. õ_ô . . . That’s a great take on Kakashi. About him kind of hoping to find love someday. It actually kind of fits him when you wrote it. . . . I like the real purpose. I also read in between the lines a little bit: “The council wanted you to be far away from Konoha, but they do care about you. They wanted to give you the best protection from Akatsuki and the Kyuubi you could get.” Reading in between the lines, I would say that the “best protection” was probably more for the sake of Akatsuki not getting the Kyuubi, not necessarily Akatsuki not getting Naruto. I mean, they probably don’t hate him like some of the other villagers do (¬_¬), but they’re probably wary and don’t trust him, and are just keeping an eye on demon if not Naruto himself. . . . Excellent point and phrase: “Of all those he had talked to that evening, the Nine-Tails had been the most understanding.” . . . . Love how shaken he feels.
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From ANON - Anon on February 28, 2008
Chapter 7: Like this discussion with Sakura. . . . “For hell’s sake.” Never heard that one, but I like it! . . . . I wonder why they’re going at it so slowly, especially when they know that Sasuke’s eager to kill his brother; he’s not going to stay in one place for very long. If they finish searching one area and move on to the next, Sasuke could’ve moved to a place they’ve just vacated. He’s probably moving faster than they are at any rate, because he’s got a particular destination, whereas Naruto & co. are searching countrysides! . . . . Err, wouldn’t the fact that they’re teenagers make the adults want to supervise? ô_o . . . . Okay, Sakura just said that Jiraiya’s in more immediate danger than Sasuke. How does she know?? . . . . I like the way you melded Naruto’s thoughts after his conversation with Sakura to suddenly being outside the Kyuubi’s cage. Very subtle. . . . (*giggle*) That’s funny: “So what is it this time?” Like he’s a parent or guardian or something. XD . . . . Love his cold logic too about “ripping your own heart out.” ^^ . . . . Huh. Naruto chats with the boys about their romantic problems, eh? Even so, I'm having a slightly hard time seeing them in those moments. It's just hard for me to picture.
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From ANON - Anon on February 28, 2008
Chapter 6: Nice dialogue between Sasuke and Suigetsu. . . . It’s interesting hearing the story from Sasuke’s perspective. . . . Love the reaction to “They don’t believe in revenge.” . . . . I like the stories told, but (sorry about this) I thought the one Juugo told seemed a little outrageous. ô_o . . . . Interesting insight about revenge being part of the moral code. But I never thought it had anything to do with the country; I thought it had to do with just the people in the country. But then I suppose they were raised that way, so that works. . . . What did you mean by saying your horror stories were worse than fiction? Does that mean scarier or (sorry) not as good? But inspiration from the newspapers and history books is interesting. If my mother ever wrote fanfiction, she’d probably be the same way; she loves history.
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From ANON - Anon on February 27, 2008
Chapter 5: Good idea about why he’s had so many chakra problems. . . . I dunno, why should he be proud? And pity them, hah! They don’t deserve it. And, err, you’re kind of mixing pride and humility in that paragraph; it doesn’t really mix too well. . . . Is he seeing their concern out of proportion? He thinks they’re scared of them, but he doesn’t know that it’s because they’re worried about their friend? Is that right? . . . . Hinata seems kind of bold. . . . Gosh, Naruto seems pessimistic. . . . Cute about the confusion of crows and ravens. I don’t know either. ^_^' . . . . I never thought of it that way, the kagebunshin not knowing they are only clones.
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From ANON - Anon on February 27, 2008
Chapter 4: Interesting beginning. (Sorry if I’m repeating myself, but it’s true.) . . . Love Naruto’s frustration. . . . Good point there: He made friends, but he still feels alienated because he is different, whether he likes it or not.
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From ANON - Anon on February 27, 2008
Chapter 3: Interesting idea about the raven. . . . Interesting story. That’s all I can say, I’m afraid.
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From ANON - Anon on February 27, 2008
Chapter 2: Cute. His thoughts about the flowers. . . . “Telling us off as if we were children,” well, he’s got a point with the way you and Karin snipe at each other, Suigetsu. XD . . . . I like the dialogue and Sasuke’s dilemma. . . . Love how Suigetsu keeps bringing up the word “Leaf,” to get Sasuke to cooperate. . . . “They were the moral of the Leaf [. . .]” I thought you said you weren’t a Leaf, Sasuke. =) . . . . Why the sudden sympathy from Suigetsu? I woulda thought he wouldn’t care that much one way or the other. But maybe I’m wrong. (*shrugs*) . . . . Also, what’s making Sasuke so talkative about his feelings? I can hear him saying the line, “I don’t need any pity. [. . .] my parents’ death.” But then he expanded on it out loud. Seems kind of odd to me. . . . Ahhhh! I see! Okay, now I see why Suigetsu’s sympathetic. He had a good point. . . . Aww, cute.
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From ANON - Anon on February 26, 2008
(I review as I read.)
Chapter 1 Nice beginning. . . . Curious. But why wouldn’t his sharp tone make Karin hurry up? I thought she was eager to please. . . . I like the dialogue. . . . Is Suigetsu the one still talking to him? . . . Good points, but I’m having a hard time hearing Suigetsu saying it. . . . Interesting ending.
Okay, I see what you meant about the language. It’s good, just kind of formal. It might make some characters seem OOC, but I’ll try to overlook that. ^_^
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From Dynamo on February 19, 2008
that was freakin awesome! im realy tired right now so i will reviem after i have gotten sleep and my head is properly back on my neck and not spinning off into oblivion
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From monrque on February 18, 2008
what a good spin on this story.

was Suigetsu talking to sakura when he asked her to join their town or some one els
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From ANON - Anon on February 18, 2008
This story was wonderful!!! Great job!!
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From dkf on February 18, 2008
Awe. ...JuugoHina? ...that's really cute.
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From Halskr on February 18, 2008
Well, as a whole, this story is very good and well written. One of the things that stands out about this story is the growth of Naruto and Sasuke. Not many authors keep in mind that the two of them are really just children with very little life experience. It is nice that the focus of the story is the developing relationship between the two without a ton of angst. It is amazing how many authors will torture one or both of these guys and still have them end up in a relationship. Creatively, you have managed to make your version of events plausible. I agree with you on someone just following Sasuke blindly into a possible trap, in regards to how Hebi reacts to Sasuke. Also, your version of the Kyuubi is well thought out. I really liked addition of Kakashi and the others at the end. In a way your story is very reminescent of the epsiode where the Third Hokage is buried and Iruka talks about the bonds people form and how they exist after someone is gone. You spent allot of time and effort in exploring the characters' relationships, feelings, and motivations, and you did it very well. As far as criticism go, there arent many. There were a couple of place where the story moved a bit to fast, and you have left off the reactions of Tsunade, Jiraya, and Konoha. With your version of events and how people in Konoha act it doesnt seem likely that Konoha would let them go easily. Judging by how you have Sakura, Kakashi, Naruto react to the dynamics of Sasuke's team. In your world, it would be very believable that Konoha would actively hunt them down and try and kill them. I know the council tries to send people after them and Tsunade and Jiraya quit and run off and join Naruto and Sasuke!!
It has been a pleasure reading your story and reviewing it. I look forward to reading more stories from you. And even if you dont find the time to keep doing stories and posting them here, I sincerely hope you continue to write.
Thanks for sharing this.
Halskr
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From LadyRonin on February 17, 2008
i love your story so and yet you like to tramuatize me with that oooooh so horrible cliffhanger (let me find out you are trying to catch up with trulywicked). this was a great chapter everything is getting cleaned up but you know me comeon i have just a couple of quick questions. did itachi pass out or die due to becoming nothing in his little world. did that have an effect on leadersama making him stonger since itachi saw him as so great in comparision to him in that world. was the garden that turned into a graveyard sasuke's happy place that was once turning to ice. i'm not clear about why kuubyi attacked konoha if before yondaime sealed him in naruto he was ust an innocent creature which had no thoughts of good or evil. and lastly in the end was it kuubyi who was going to kill the man or the man was going to kill kuubyi. now i really can't wait to see the epilouge.
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