Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for The Canalized River

By : susanna

From ANON - Anon on March 10, 2008
Chapter 24: Oh yeah, I forgot they were already being followed. Love the suspense! ^_^ . . . . “So now he had truly led them into danger.” Good line. And good trace leading up to it. . . . Oh boy, oh boy. I wonder how this meeting’s going to go. . . . Whoa. This is new. Itachi’s got some other agenda on his mind? . . . . I like your description of Itachi’s voice; that’s totally dead-on. =) I also like Sasuke’s suddenly conflicted feelings. . . . “How boring?” õ_o I dunno, seemed a little awkward. . . . “For the strong there is no [. . .] own capacity.” Harry Potter Alert. XD . . . . Uh-oh, the temptation! . . . . This’d be a cool scene, the high granite structure and thrones. . . . Interesting metaphor about “only hurting yourself.” . . . O.O “And Itachi could not.” That caught me by surprise! I wasn’t expecting that. Cool! . . . . “The fear of the fear of the pain.” In other words, “You have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Nice. . . . Whoa, cool! The way Naruto brought Sasuke out of that! Great transition! =D . . . . This is funny: “The latter of course was easier now with Naruto [. . .] time they were lost.” Those sentences remind me of his thoughts in the Land of Waves; he was thinking similar thoughts and then Naruto goofed it up with walking right in. XD . . . . Ohhh, please be careful with that, Naruto. >.< I like Sasuke’s advice, by the way. ^^ . . . . Alright! Combined powers break the spell! =D . . . Ohhhh damn. Love all the “he did not expect” lines. Great ending! It’s keeping me on my toes! =D
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From ANON - Anon on March 10, 2008
Chapter 23: Love the way you phrased Naruto’s feelings on Sasuke’s behavior, what he can cope with and what he can’t cope with. . . . Cool idea about chakra feeding on optimism. (Can’t remember, did you mention that earlier? Either way, I like it. ^_^) . . . . Love how Naruto’s noticing the change in pattern of Hebi’s movements. . . . (?) Who’s coming?
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From ANON - Anon on March 06, 2008
Chapter 22: Ah, and now we turn to Suigetsu. Take it away, waterboy! ^_^
Heh, this should be interesting. If Sasuke gets close enough to see him, then there’s no way he can hide from Naruto. ^^ (Unless he’s scrying or something.) . . . . “Fairly well.” I guess one could put it that way. (Let’s see if he gets the boot in the face this time. >:D) . . . . They changed clothes? *_* I wanna see that! =D . . . . Sasuke’s taking things for granted again. . . . That bit about “Even when he is really acting heroically [. . .]” Does Sasuke think that because Naruto said something like, “A person who can’t save their friends has no chance of becoming Hokage?” . . . . Whoa, this was awesome: “Well, most people want to be loved.” “I don’t.” Very short, but it explains a lot. Everyone wants to be loved, but he probably associates love with pain. And while he says that “pain makes you stronger,” he doesn’t want to suffer because of love. Interesting little paradox there. . . . Huh. That’s interesting. I never noticed that that was really the only time Naruto said that out loud to Sasuke. That’ll have me musing all night again. ^^ . . . . And finally Suigetsu starts to talk. . . . Holy . . . shit. (Sorry.) That’s quite some story. o_o . . . . Er, I thought the last bit about Sasuke embracing Suigetsu was kinda . . . off. I dunno, maybe he could’ve communicated understanding and value a different way. . . ? ô_o

At first, I liked the idea of Team Hebi as “the wild card,” but I did not understand it very much until I looked it up on the Internet. Now it makes a lot more sense to me. ^_^
((And I also see that my own clarification was completely unnecessary now. Beg pardon. ^_^;))
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From ANON - Anon on March 06, 2008
Chapter 21: Poor Naruto. I can understand his pain. . . . Oh boy, I’m curious about what it could be in this story! =D . . . . Ohhh, into his body. Cool! . . . . I thought Naruto wasn’t even a day old. I think the manga said something about his umbilical cord just having been cut; I always assumed that he was, at the very most, only hours old. . . . Love it when Naruto backpedals and catches that about the Yondaime. ^^ I also love it how he’s not totally surprised, but he has iffy feelings right now. . . . I wouldn’t call it “soulless” sex. . . . Huh. They weren’t married. That’s interesting. Makes sense, too. . . . I wonder how she died. Broken heart, maybe? That’d be a shame, not even living for her son. . . . Love the feeling of irony during Naruto’s conversation with the Kyuubi. . . . Also love the line, “Each of us can only be free at the price of the other’s destruction.” This whole story seems like a metaphor (wrongish word) of the balance of life/existence itself. It’s cool. =D . . . Pssh. Some deal. There’s always the possibility that Sasuke will just shoot him down. I wonder if they should’ve gone into details on the deal. This way, Naruto can’t use the key at all if he wants to honor the deal. On the other hand, if they discussed it, the Kyuubi might not’ve lent his sense of smell at all. But I guess that last line makes it interesting. He doesn’t know that that could change.

I have no clue what “Wild Car Hebi” is. On the other hand, they probably meant Wild CarD Hebi, which kinda makes more sense. ^_~
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From ANON - Anon on March 06, 2008
Chapter 20: Don’t have much to say, except that it was done very well. I love the part when Sasuke says “Yes” to Suigetsu’s sort-of-sarcastic suggestion. ^^ . . . . The Konoha team is smart to stay together like that. Safety in numbers. I wonder if they’ll still be sleeping in separate rooms after Naruto took off. . . . Guess not. Oh, well, maybe. . . . That’s a funny way to describe Karin. I doubt she would harm/molest Juugo, though. And why all the other guys? So she doesn’t harm/molest them either? And I really hate to say it, but it was a sudden switch of characterization of her from what you had so far. I mean, I guess since we’ve seen her “nicer” side in this story, I wasn’t expecting the more, um, “crazy” (for MUCH want of a better word, heheh) side. . . . I also like the lines about “doing anything foolish.” ^^ . . . . Sasuke’s younger than all of them? Makes sense. I never really thought of the ages of characters. I’ll have to think about them now that they’ve been pointed out to me. . . . “That must be the young people?” (*confused*) . . . . He’s blushing? O.O . . . . Hah. Love how Suigetsu continues that line. Face it, Sasuke: you’re CAUGHT. ^^ . . . . That’s cute, “You could only be in love with one at a time, couldn’t you?” Not necessarily, Sasuke. And there is such a thing as lust. . . . Love how Suigetsu’s expression affects Sasuke. . . . “Idiots at least have some intelligence.” Interesting. Someone could spend a long time pondering that. . . . “Sasuke actually had to think a bit [. . .]” What’s to think about? She has natural pink hair! That alone is enough to recognize her! Ah -- Karin just repeated me. XD . . . . Um, I think “violet” is too dark. They should be “white,” but for the sake of distinguishing, I think you want “lavender.” ^^ . . . . Oh boy! Sasuke’s gonna be in for a surprise! XDD But I can’t remember if she actually told the boys to protect each other or her; I thought it was just her body language. Boy, he sure doesn’t like her much, does he? . . . Nice work, Karin. =) I hope Sakura’s on guard; it would look bad if she walked in without being suspicious of Karin. . . . Love her reaction when she saw Sasuke; made total sense. And why’s Sasuke sitting on a table? ô_o . . . . Erm, “guest” doesn’t seem like quite the right term. Not sure what else could be used, though. . . . O.O AHAHAHAHA, sorry, but: “idly playing with his sword, which he was holding between his legs.” XDDDD Sorry, but MAJOR innuendo there! Was that on purpose?! XDDD . . . . Probably very true about the way Karin fights, although she did kick Suigetsu in the face once. >D . . . . (*snort*) Smooth, Suigetsu. . . . Boy, that was harsh of Sasuke to say that! õ_o . . . . Sasuke’s not giving off a very strong impression that he’s in charge. He’s probably aware of that. . . . Sasuke admits he cares for Naruto? . . . . It seems kinda weird, having Suigetsu do the talking. I thought he lacked tact in the manga. . . . “Impolite.” After calling her “an annoying bitch.” Right. . . . Umm, I dunno, Sakura came off as a little too weak in this chapter. I guess since it was mostly from Sasuke’s point of view, that would make sense. And how would not embracing her be more awkward? ô_o

Hey . . . I thought you said the chapters would get shorter? (*amused*) ;D
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From ANON - Anon on March 05, 2008
Chapter 19: “He’s not that cruel.” With Sasuke, it’s hard to say sometimes. : . . . . Hmm, so Naruto’s learning how to use charisma, eh? Cool. . . . Beer? Not sake? (I know, I know -- picky, picky. *sweat*) . . . . (*snicker*) Never thought of the countries as having football teams, but if the villages aren’t ninja villages, why not? ^^ . . . . Uh-oh. Gotta watch this guy, he looks suspicious. ¬_¬ . . . . I’m with him when he says Naruto’s a bit too careless. . . . Oh, cool! A friend of Jiraiya’s! . . . maybe. ¬_¬
Oh, I don’t know, I thought it was interesting having a short chapter.
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From ANON - Anon on March 05, 2008
Chapter 18: Whoa, that one was short! It’s kinda cool.
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From ANON - Anon on March 05, 2008
Chapter 17: Alright! He’s taking off! =) . . . . (*gasp*) “He had thought this would be easy [. . .] but it was not. If he left now, he would not be able to return, and faced with this final decision he was hesitating.” I wonder if that’s what Sasuke was thinking in that scene of him looking at the photograph of his team right before he left Konoha! O.O . . . . Yes! I was right! There is a parallel to when Sasuke left! =D . . . . This is a total echo of Sasuke. . . . Um, when Sakura says “You have to put them aside while you’re on duty,” I dunno, it sounded a little awkward coming from her. o.O . . . . Huh?! Since when has Sakura believed that “Sasuke is a dream?!” o.O . . . . “I don’t want you to throw away your life!” She doesn’t seem to understand that in Naruto’s situation, that would be exactly what he’d be doing if he stays. You know, I really like this chapter! This is bringing out some perspectives that I’ve only vaguely come near but has never been made real clear to me! =D . . . . “Sasuke’s independent spirit, his courage to follow his own path [. . .]” In the manga, I believe some of that was actually Naruto’s influence rubbing off on Sasuke. . . . God, this is sad, how Sakura is just letting him go. ;_;
Hmm, so you think becoming part of the ANBU and witnessing whatever they must go through made Itachi cynical? Very possible. Yeah, totally possible that someone had a bad influence on him. He was 13 years old after all, the pivotal age for a lot of the characters. I used to wonder if there was maybe a good reason for killing the clan, but due to recent developments, I’m not so sure: from here, I’d say he fell in with the wrong crowd and never came out. It is possible for someone to turn evil, and some people do it rather quickly. Also, have you read the series Death Note? That’s got a total sociopath in it with as little empathy as Itachi seems to have. In fact, (*giggle*) he’s even a sociopathic genius! ^^ As for your last paragraph of your A/N, Sasuke has been very perceptive for most of the story, but even he misses stuff. I think that for a while after he realized that Itachi really did kill the family and tortured him (Sasuke), his mind was partially clouded with still missing the brother he once had (or thought he had) and that led to a lot of anger. It was only after the Valley of the End that he was able to accept and realize everything completely for what it was. It’s hard to totally accept someone as evil when part of you still wants him to come back. But he’s more clearheaded since he got the whole picture. (Actually, why don’t you just see my rant on LJ; I go into more detail there, I think. ^_^'')
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From ANON - Anon on March 04, 2008
Chapter 16: Love the title. ^^
Yeah, he’s not lingering because he feels guilty, I bet. . . . Yeah, Naruto had a single-minded purpose at the Valley, and it was backed by demonic power, probably making it more single-minded. . . . Um, little language suggestion (sorry about this): “He had been able to put two plus two together.” It’s no big thing, but we usually “put two and two together.” Sorry, I just had to say it. But the meaning is exactly the same. ^_^'' . . . . “[. . .] or whatever the real purpose to this massacre was.” So he thought something was missing when Itachi told him his reason, eh? That’s cool. So did I at the time. I didn’t know what it was, but the explanation “To test the limits of my capacity” seemed a little . . . incomplete. . . . There’s that old line I’ve heard in at least 2 or 3 places, though I can only remember one: “Sometimes for the greater good, sacrifices must be made.” . . . . Right-on when you say Sasuke will become a leader in war! =D . . . . Is that what Orochimaru really thought? I guess it’s possible, but for some reason, I doubt it. : But you’re totally right about the Akatsuki believing themselves to be good guys, though maybe not all of them; some of them seemed to just love the thrill of wild danger (Deidara maybe -- and he was kind of threatened to join anyway). . . . Oooh!! “I don’t consider myself one of the good guys. I have no ambition to be a hero and sacrifice myself for some people I hardly know.” That’s the perfect definition of the antihero!! =DDD
In my opinion, Sasuke doesn’t kill if he can avoid it. I think he would kill if he absolutely had to, if he saw no other option, but he goes out of his way to avoid it. My mother says, “He’s trying to end this thing with his brother. He doesn’t want to start anything in the process.” Which made total sense to me.
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From ANON - Anon on March 04, 2008
Chapter 15: I get the feeling Naruto’s going to be rebuked again by his team(s). ¬_¬ . . . . Love this line: “He’s an Uchiha, born to rule, not to serve.” It adds mystery. And then the idea of him being at his brother’s side. I wonder how that’s going to turn out. . . . I wonder if his team witnessed Sasuke & Team Hebi. . . . Love his half-hearted joke: “I thought you would like me a bit more mature.” Sounds right for the situation. . . . Mother? Why not older sister? . . . . (!) Something I think is kind of interesting: You broke a paragraph between the lines “He had a bit of a bad conscience about it [. . .]” and “Never had his intention [. . .]” I wonder: Was that just for effect (which was good), or is that going to be significant later? Hmm. . . . Whoa, cool line: “Actually I prefer Sasuke. He still has a heart.” Makes me start wondering about Yamato. o.o . . . . Oh, I see. That’s a clever way of putting it. You’ve got catchy lines, stuff that’s quote material. =) . . . . Uh-oh. I have a bad feeling about this. . . . Little slightly off-topic question: Have you read the Harry Potter series? The topic of this conversation reminds me of some of that story. ^_^ . . . . Love this part: “Naruto did not answer. He was on his guard now.” Great emphasis. He’s on his guard against them. . . . Hmm, I would’ve thought Kakashi would be more perceptive than this. Maybe he’s lying to discourage Naruto; he could, you know. . . . Isn’t Kakashi wondering why Naruto knows this about the Shodaime? I mean, he probably can guess how Naruto found out, but wouldn’t that make him a little worried? And I wonder if Yamato and Kakashi know who Naruto’s parents are and are just covering up.
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From ANON - Anon on March 04, 2008
Chapter 14: Goody! I want to know Juugo’s story! =D
Hah! Knew it was probably Juugo. ^_^ . . . . “I am not. I have cut all bonds.” So you think, Sasuke. So you think. . . . Love this discussion. . . . Really, Suigetsu. When have you bonded with Juugo? (*amused*) . . . . Oh, so that’s why the lack of drama during Juugo’s transformation last chapter. He was probably absorbed in the fight that it snuck up on him. . . . Awww, the little birdie! :heart: . . . . I’m hearing Suigetsu a little better than I did earlier in the story. . . . I like the beginning of Juugo’s story here. And then Sasuke’s reaction. . . . Clever idea. I like it. That Juugo got “intoxicated” and it messed up his body a little. I love scientific/logical explanations. ^_^ . . . . I’m curious about the chain of people who shunted him along and how he eventually wound up with Orochimaru. . . . Whoa. (*stares*) Man. That was a great revelation about Juugo’s family. O.O And I love how it’s affected Sasuke. Not sure if he would really react that way, but you made it work. ^_^ . . . . And yet again, great line to leave off with. I like how you gave readers a few hours to think on each chapter.
Hmm, Kyuubi associated with Konoha. . . . Judging from the manga, maybe he was Madara’s favorite toy.
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From ANON - Anon on March 04, 2008
Chapter 13: Err, little whoopsie: “This is our forth break today.” I think you mean “fourth.” ^^'' . . . . Heh. Love Sasuke’s silence. And then the abrupt, “Break is over.” . . . . Good line: “You can count on that – though I still think that staying away would be the best way not to be noticed.” Yeah, right on. ^^ . . . . “It was only for an hour.” More like an hour and a DAY! XD . . . . Hmm, a little lack of drama when the Kyuubi was revealed. Six tails?!? How the hell is Naruto still alive?! O.O And how the hell did the Kyuubi get out?! O.O . . . . “Karin’s and Juugo’s faces did not show any emotion.” Dang, they’ve got nerves of steel. ô_o . . . . Interesting idea, that the Kyuubi “consisted only of chakra.” . . . . Well, if you’d only come home, Sasuke, maybe he wouldn’t be quite so uptight! õ_o Okay, this is Naruto we’re talking about, but right now Sasuke’s got a major involvement with the Kyuubi coming out. . . . How come he didn’t want to explain that to Naruto? Wouldn’t it make things easier for him if he did? . . . . That’s the quietest change I’ve ever seen Juugo go through. . . . That was funny. “Where’s Itachi?” ^^ . . . . Nice counter: “I have rather wondered why they should have been meant to die.” He’s got a point there. . . . He “tickled” the woman? (*blinks*) Okay. . . . “Fighting two enemies at once was not easy.” You mean two Akatsuki members at once, because you’ve fought WAY more than 2 guys at once while you were training with Orochimaru, Sasuke! XD . . . . Love Sasuke’s sexism. . . . Sudden ending! Is it Juugo, or did Naruto wake up?
Yeah, Itachi’s a raven, but his name also means “weasel,” and considering what he’s done, that’s kind of fitting. ^^ To me, Neji’s a bird, but not a raven. I used to be a strict SasuNaru/NaruSasu reader, but my mold has cracked recently and I’ve been getting more and more curious about other pairings. ^^
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From ANON - Anon on March 04, 2008
Chapter 12: Interesting metaphor of Naruto’s mind. And I like how Kyuubi says he can remember everything. . . . Hmmm, very interesting. He was killed, eh? Hmmm. . . . (Argh, I hate repeating myself, but “interesting” is the best I can do for now. -_-;) Interesting idea about Kyuubi being some type of power without necessary form. . . . WHOA!! “Konoha’s first jinchuuriki?” O.O Good one! . . . . Really good distinction between “respect” and “love.” And I just happen to be reading The Godfather by Mario Puzo in the bookstore. ^^ . . . . Man, this story is awesome! =D . . . . Good line to end with. Although I’m reviewing this after the fact, it probably left everyone reading at the time of the chapter’s publishing something to think about all night.
You don’t like the idea about the founder being evil? I dunno. I always thought: “Look at this clan! They’ve got an awesome bloodline limit, they’re smart, they’re powerful, they’re beautiful/handsome, they’re successful, they’re respected, they’re (blahblahblah) . . . The founder must’ve sold his soul for his family to be this great! And look what’s happened!! The whole clan dead by one heir, who has turned into a psycho killer, except for his brother, who’s followed the path of steroids (aka, Curse Seal XD), abandonment, attempted murder, hell-bent on revenge, etc.! Surely the guy sold his soul and this is the price!” XDD Also, we’re talking about the Uchiha clan here; complications are standard packaging. XD And we still don’t know why he’s “immortal.”
IN RESPONSE TO YOUR RESPONSE TO SPOON: Tobi’s offer? Was that something in the manga, or was that in your story? I don’t remember. (*sweat*)
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From ANON - Anon on February 29, 2008
Chapter 11: Really like the title. . . . I like the insight of Naruto’s thoughts on Sasuke. . . . Okay, I like how it suddenly cut Naruto off from everyone else, but then you went right into “changed form.” No drama. : . . . . “Things had gone really bad.” (*cough*understatement*ahem*) XD . . . . Interesting deal. . . . “Vis-a-vis?” What’s that? . . . . I wonder how honest this man is being. He’s got to be pretty powerful, though; if he’s convinced other people to work for the Akatsuki like this, he’s got to have some backup. . . . Good ending. I wonder what Naruto’s decision will be.
To the A/N: You’ve got a good point there. It’s easy to get caught up with Naruto being a fox and Sasuke being a raven in fanfiction. I’ve always been kind of iffy about Sasuke being a raven; I would’ve gone with a raptor of some type. But since then, he’s been showing a major affinity to snakes, and Tobi/Madara said something about, “Will he stay a snake or become a raven?” or something like that. So just for fun, I combined the two -- feathered/winged serpent! ^^ . . . . (*snicker*) “And I had not thought that the final confrontation between Sasuke and Itachi would come so soon.” Soon to you, maybe, but I’ve been waiting for a freakin’ YEAR! >D
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From ANON - Anon on February 28, 2008
Chapter 10: TO THE REVIEW RESPONSE IN THIS CHAPTER: I didn’t mention it last review, but I like Kakashi too; he’s one of my favorites. However, in fanfiction, I have a hard time liking him when it comes to risque or some adult situations. Unless he’s giving advice on the subject like a parent or as a reliable source (without weird details). So I really liked him in that scene.
(*snicker*) Obviously, Naruto and I are of the same oppinion: We both like Jiraiya very much, but Sasuke comes first. Even in a life-and-death situation. . . . I think the fox healing Naruto isn’t something he can use, really. I think it’s just something that happens whether he likes it or not, like a bodily function. . . . The raven. Great, more bad news. -_- . . . . I thought Naruto hadn’t gotten the hang of telling crows and ravens apart. ô_o . . . . The ravens attacked him? I don’t remember that. Or was that added? . . . . Wait. What about Henge? Isn’t that a ninjutsu technique of changing form? And I thought Sakura’s protests were kind of weak when she said, “There’s never been a ninjutsu like that.” How does she know? We see new stuff all the time! . . . . Sakura seems a little intense in this chapter. . . . Poor guy can’t help it if he’s got ADD. >D . . . . Whoa, not often that Naruto gets angry at Sakura! It makes sense, though.
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