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Reviews for Once Upon a Time

By : gypsybaby21
  • From LunayaWolf on May 23, 2008
    OOOHH I love these types of stories, most of all I love the drunken Sakura that you've created. The humor is great I love the jokes and naughtiness. However there was a great build up to the bedroom scene but that scene its self was really rushed. Slow it down a bit and get slightly more descriptive of their emotions and most importantly their reactions. I was really surprised to see updates Im glad that you decided to continue with the story I hope there is more to come and soon. Sakura still needs to get laid!
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  • From venia on May 06, 2008
    *drooool*
    ....
    huh? oh, right...ehm..very good job! >///< Can't wait for next chapter...(hell yeah!!>D)
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  • From Amysama on May 06, 2008
    I'm always a team seven fan! It's a cute story idea you have started. I don't like to critique others plots, because after all it's your story. I know you said that you write and post at the same time, but I really do think you'd benefit from a beta. There are just a few grammatical errors and position jumping. Nothing that I couldn't get over. The only thing that struck me as wrong is the Sake.. it's usually warm and in small cups.(unless you get really technical) But ANYWAY... I'll try to keep up with this story.

    ja ne

    Amy
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  • From XFactor on May 06, 2008
    It's not bad. Obviously you could use a bit more work. As you read some better erotica and incorporate it into your writing, it'll get better. It's not bad, but it's kind of obvious you got tired of writing towards the end and rushed things to finish.

    That happens to the best of us
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  • From LunayaWolf on April 10, 2008
    LOL hahahahahaha. I absolutely LOVE the humor in it. In my opinion its perfectly ok to use other sources to pull from (that line from Buffy was righteous!) This is an amazing beginning to your story I cant wait for the lemons, keep the light heartedness going its what gives your story its uniqueness. I hope that you do continue this it will be a great story. :)
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  • From roxnroll on November 26, 2007
    Very cute. Will you continue this?
    Rox
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  • From chilepie on November 21, 2007
    This is just too funny. I'm so in love with drunk Sakura. Bad Naruto for taking her so serious when she's wasted though. He knows she's going to be hella pissed when she sobers up. I'm still cracking up over her calling Kakashi papa bear.
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  • From edelta88 on November 19, 2007
    Drunk Sakura=Awsome on a stick
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  • From ANON - Anon on November 19, 2007
    Finally a new chapter but I want MORE!!!!! especially wwith the WOLE TEAM if you know what I mean!!! OOhhI rymed!!!
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  • From yeagerbomb on September 29, 2007
    um, okay. this looked decent, it really did. i wasn't so garbled with errors it was unreadable. and i have definately forced myself at least half-way through a good number of those. i really like naruxsasuxsaku, so i decided to read this. i like the idea of 4-shots or whatever, and i would like to see more. i didn't see any problems with the honoraries or anything like that, except i prefer 'dobe' to 'dead-last'. they mean the same thing, but dobe just seems easier to me. but lots of people use the english translation. also, naruto doesn't normally refer to sasuke as an idiot, but a bastard or 'teme'. naruto is usually the idiot.
    ANYWAY!! i liked drunk sakura, it was funny. her boys was perfect, and the way she shot lee down was priceless. i really would like to see more.~
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  • From roxnroll on September 15, 2007
    That was really cute. Keep going.
    Rox
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  • From ANON - Anon on September 12, 2007
    awwww and it was getting good too!!!! I really want more!!!!!!!
    Please send more my way!!!!!1
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  • From MrsCake on September 11, 2007
    So far it's a great beginning!

    Oh, oh! I like the Buffy reference. That's the episode where Buffy wakes up drunk and dances into the kitchen singing, "Macho, Macho, Man!"
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  • From fangirlqueen on September 11, 2007
    lol i really love how sakura is when she's drunk. i kinda feel bad for lee but whatever this isint his story so :P
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