Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for Once more into the breach

By : Zendura

From Conroy on May 13, 2009
Just curious, are you planning on pairing Tsukiyo with a male Haku? I'm just curious, that's all.
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From ANON - MERLiN on October 11, 2007
it's really good. Just a few things, you're apostaphes are getting screwed up, and theres a lot of cross-outs, but other than that, great story. Keep up the good work.
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From kerrde06 on September 24, 2007
Okay, I just got done reading all four chapters of this story and I can't even begin to say how much I love it but I'll try. Usually I am not a big fan of Naruto fics on this site since they seem to all have major problems. I for some reason can only read Naruto fics where Naruto is the main character or at least shares the role of main character and for some reason it is hard to find Naruto centered stories on this site. Naruto fics on this site usually are not about Naruto, are yaoi, or are entirely smut based. First off, I hate yaoi with a passion. Secondly I enjoy a good smut scene when they are used to show a deep emotional bond/love between two individuals (like your story) but I think think it ruins the story when the whole story centers around the smut. I have yet to find any fault with your story besides hardly being able to wait for the next chapter. I like the way you are going with Tsukiyo's character and her story line but I would like to see a little more of Naruto. Chapter four in my opinion was a good mix between giving time to Tsukiyo and time to Naruto. I realise you are just beginning this story and you need time to build up Tsukiyo's character but I hope once you get further along in the story that you add a little more focus on Naruto. Plus I enjoy reading any Naruto/Kyuubi interaction you write, wheater it is smut or just them talking together. As for Tsukiyo's team selection, I don't really have a preference but if I had to choose I would go with her being on team 8 with Kurenai as her sensei and Kiba and Hinata as her teammates. I would like to see Kakashi as her sensei but Kakashi needs to teach Sasuke since they both have the sharingan and I would just not like to see Tsukiyo and Sasuke on the same team since I don't like Sasuke. I also think you should keep the Ino-Shika-Cho trio together since their specialties compliment each other so well. I also think Sakura needs to stay on Sasuke's team unless you plan to change her infatuation with the teme. That left Tsukiyo with either Kiba, Hinata, or Shino for her team. I chose Kiba and Hinata because Kiba in my opinion is the loudmouth while Hinata is the quiet shy one. The Two in my opinion balance each other out. That then leaves Shino on Sakura and Sasuke's team which isn't so bad since Shino doesn't seem to be the type of person to care who's team he is on and he usually will make due. I chose Kurenai as Tsukiyo's sensei since Kakashi was not available and I think Tsukiyo would enjoy having a stong female for a sensei. Now for my prediction for the Tsukiyo/? pairing. First off you already said Sasuke is out of the running. I can't see Neji with Tsukiyo since he seems more of the kind of guy for Tenten. Kiba in my opinion would fit better with Hinata. I guess you could stick Tsukiyo with Shino but he just doesn't seem like a good fit. I would either say she will end up with either Lee or Gara but I am leaning more towards Gara. All this reasoning is assuming you don't plan to make this a Tsukiyo/some female pairing. The reason I am mainly going with Tsukiyo/Gara is because he too is a demon container and could understand the kind of life Tsukiyo had before being adopted. Sorry for rambling on and I look forward to the next update. I hope its soon.
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From deedeesan32 on September 13, 2007
i really like this story and i cant wait to read the next chapter but quick question um did tsuki see any of this it would be xrated for a 7 yr old lol anyways i hope u get the next chapter out quick
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From on September 07, 2007
A very innovative story. The change to the time travel Naruto stories you did is definitely a thumbs up in my opinion. In all honesty, the simple go back in time plotline was getting old. However, you refreshed that style in a way that actually sounds more real. Only thing I'm wondering is if you'll fall into the mistake most authors seem to make. With back in time stories, naruto or whoever it is tends to get a little too godlike for my tastes. However, it is too early to judge with only four chapters so I'll be optimistic. As for Tsuki's team? Well if you're keeping it the rookie nine only I would have to narrow it down to five people since the Ino-Shika-Cho trio is kinda like a tradition thing. As for how they try to balance teams, I'd say Tsuki, Hinata/Sakura (leaning more towards Hinata), and Kiba. Which would leave Sasuke, Shino , and Hinata/Sakura

Anyways, liking the detail. Keep up the great work, can't wait for the next chapter. May your muse never die!
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From ANON - Maranda on September 01, 2007
sasuke and sakura? the story cant go right if its not them unless you changeing it..
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From RavenShantor on August 31, 2007
This is a very good story and I am truly looking forward to seeing what happens, keep up the good work.

I think you may have written yourself into a corner judging by a couple of the reviews I've read. The thing about Alternate Realities such as this one is that if you change one thing to give the story a "unique" angle then people tend to want you to change other things to fit with their veiws of how things should be. Example: FemNaruto paired with either Male HInata or Male Haku. Personally I have no objections to either of these I think it would be interesting to see how things would work if she was paired with someone else entirely say like Kiba, Shino or Choji.

As for her Team....... I've really got no ideas at this point. I'd have to see what the others are like in this world before I could think of who would make for a good team.
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From zeroharm on August 30, 2007
man, have to say I like this one almost as much as asldm. The premise is original and interesting and I think its a safe bet the characters will become more and more unique as the story goes on. Keep up the updates but please don't neglect asldm :-).
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From morgoroth on August 30, 2007
shouldnt it be inoichi yamanaka? and wats up with the f instead of ' ?
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From serenagold on August 30, 2007
This is a much different story than I expected and I'm absolutely loveing the adorabliness of it all. Am I reading it right that Ryoko and Naruto are planning a jitsu that will allow them an escape from Tsukiyo's body? I can't wait for them to get together. They'll make such an awesome couple.! ^^
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From HumanInfiltrator on August 30, 2007
This is good, keep at it please!
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From ANON - surprised on August 26, 2007
Its interesting to see a wonderful potential to here and await your nest update. for the pairing it would probably be best to have Haku as the pairing as his personality-and potential humor for others thinking hes a girl,like thinking femNaru being a attracted to girls(which if found out about the rape may be understandable to them)- which would help femNaru get over the trauma and starts to like him.
Though I wonder if femNaru would have the same problem as Naruto over his control(Chakra) and whether she would train with Jiraiya-especially after the incident(the road to recovery is a long and arduous journey) or with Tsunade.
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From ANON - D on August 25, 2007
Well since this is an alternate universe with a female Naruto, why not have a male Hinata (although you'd have to think of a name, maybe Hikaru?). As for Neji and Hanabi leave them their original genders. As for the male Hinata's problems with the Hyuuga clan, by being male he would be the heir automatically (that's the way it worked usually in those type of times). He would be judged and treated far harsher due to being male and expected to surpass Neji (so instead of matches between Hinata and Hanabi it would be with Neji instead). There would be more tht you would need to think about concerning how the pesonality would change a bit and how the clan reacts to him (Neji would probably be even angrier at him due to the fact that a weakling such as the male Hinata will one day be clan head). I would say to leave the abduction attempt on Hinata the same though. But it is your story and you make the final call, not me, I can only suggest things.
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From ANON - CommGonn on August 23, 2007
very nice story, hope to see updates fast :D
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From Kilrath on August 19, 2007
i find myself almost entranced by your writing style and i do hope that this story gets favorable reviews and you contine it along with "A Sad Life Deserves More" they are both excellent stories keep up the awsome work
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