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Reviews for Parthenogenesis

By : TRG
  • From LadyRonin on June 18, 2008
    good to see you writing again and in good form as well. can't wait to see the next chapter.
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  • From ANON - Anon on June 17, 2008
    Chapter 10: Chapter title sure sounds ominous. ô_o
    Jeez, Shizune, make sure you get enough sleep too! õ_o . . . . “It had opened to a random page that had a little drawing on it.” I was thinking, Now, what are the odds of that happening? And I answered, Likely enough. If the Kyuubi focused on that page, it would be slightly more open on that part of the binding. =)
    “. . . asked Shizune, head dangerously large in anger.” You’re right, she has been hanging around Iruka a lot. ô_ô . . . . Yeah, I noticed that “nearly” in the scene before this one. . . . “Stale-born offspring.” I think you mean “stillborn”. . . . This is gettin’ interesting. ^_^
    XD “Only for you, obaa-chan.” . . . . AHAHAHA, Sasuke too! XDD I hadn’t seen that coming! ^^ . . . . “Because, by common standards, it is not looked very well upon someone who hits a pregnant person, Naruto-chan.” And the impact was made SO MUCH WORSE being brought out like that. Nice. ^_^ . . . . Hang on – was Naruto actually beginning to take the notion of him being pregnant seriously? I mean, if I were in his place, I’d be mad at the implication, but I wouldn’t be ready to take it seriously. . . . (*snicker*) “Naruto was just staring at her blankly.” Totally understandable. . . . “The Whirlpool Virgin Birth.” Interesting. . . . (*snort*) Naruto had got laid by a prostitute, didn’t he? XD (God, I hope so. *sweat*) . . . . Is she calling him “Naruto-chan” as payback for his common insult for her? . . . . Lol about the idea being Jiraiya’s nightmare. ^^ . . . . “Why is he so worried?” Oh, for the love of – YOU’D BE FREAKED OUT IF IT WERE YOU, SASUKE! GAWD!! . . . . I like the part where Naruto got scared at the thought of the council finding out. . . . I wonder if Tsunade’s just saying that to calm him down and is really worried about what the council will do. . . . “The Laws?” Something Naruto knows that Tsunade doesn’t? Now I’m really curious. ô_ô . . . . This is interesting. . . . Hehehe, I loooove the phrase, “but that’s neither here nor there.” ♥ . . . . Grrr, Law IV makes me mad. . . . And Law V was even worse. But the Hokage should know about these. . . . So who made the council members boss? Dude, we need some new people in office, I swear! (I’ve been saying that for a while, lately.) õ_õ . . . . I like Sasuke’s idea, but Tsunade has a good point: she’s the strongest medic nin, and Naruto’s pregnancy isn’t what people would call standard. . . . (*sigh*) Sasuke has a way of saying simple statements of things that could have dire consequences. . . . I like how this scene sets something up. They’ve got a lot ahead of them. =)
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  • From ANON - Anon on June 17, 2008
    Chapter 9: I like the title of this chapter. =D
    “Adopted family members?” Which characters would those be? . . . . Lol about Tsunade and the alcohol. I wonder if she’s hiding her flask in a scroll or something. X3 . . . . Iruka and Anko?? Wow, I’d never thought of that! I might just approve of that one! =D . . . . I like Sasuke’s study of Naruto’s physique. . . . Interesting bit about the want-kanjis and the line, “So, Gaara wanted love and Naruto wanted ramen, but what did Sasuke want?” . . . . (*snort*) Love the turn that Sasuke’s thoughts had taken. X3 . . . . A little late, aren’t you, Sasuke? I mean, now Gaara’s going to be a more active opponent. You couldn’t’ve come to this realization earlier? (Well, no, I guess not. It’s only when something’s gone or almost gone is when you realize how much you want/need it.) . . . . Heh. “Naruto seems close to the Kazekage.” Interesting. It’s the kind of line that would push Sasuke’s buttons, but I get the feeling that Neji’s not encouraging or discouraging Sasuke; he’s just stating an observation, and Sasuke can take it how he wants. =) . . . . And now we’re talking about Naruto’s children. Cool. I like the way Neji’s sending this conversation. . . . . “ ‘I could cope,’ answered the Uchiha stiffly.” I like that part. . . . Now Neji’s leaning towards encouraging. . . . (*snicker*) “Teme, don’t tell me you stood in the corner and brooded the whole time.” You got it. XD . . . . Heh, you repeated the word “two”. . . . XD They get him the same thing every year! . . . . (*snort*) “I figured you would sneak out 30 minutes into the thing.” Good call. ^^; . . . . Oh boy, eavesdropping. (*sits forward eagerly*) This could be very good, or very bad, or uncertain. =D . . . . “Gaara disappeared in a swirl of sand, only to reappear in front of Naruto.” Show-off. 9.9 . . . . Whoa, wha – ! Gaara’s just egging Sasuke on! XDD Good one! =DDD (I still hope that Sasuke will have some competition later. Maybe Sai will give him some. ♥ . . . . I hope you’ll excuse me for saying so, but they sound a little too formal when they’re talking to each other in this scene. . . . “and he hadn’t even had his proper ‘brooding’ time to come up with a course of action yet.” I actually believe that totally. I’m like that, sort of. . . . And the “secret” comes out . . . and they’re just awkward. ^^ . . . . Wow. I like that bit, when Sasuke kisses Naruto again. It was very subtle. Undramatic. I like it. ♥ ♥ . . . . I also like his parting line. It gives Naruto something to think about. Then again, it’s so frustrating that he can’t just come out and say bluntly that he likes Naruto! XD . . . . I really like the parting lines. Leaves an awesome tone of suspicion. ♥
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  • From ANON - Anon on June 17, 2008
    Chapter 8: (!) Oh yeah, the party! Gaara’s going to be there! And Sasuke hasn’t made an official move! A single kiss as you fall asleep when your drunk doesn’t quite count. Still, I wonder if Naruto will consider it as a counted move. . . . “It was a lot like his stance on alcohol. Of course, he had broken that one the other week [. . .]” Cool. Nice touch. I like that part. ♥ . . . . “They were just dreams and that they would stay that way.” How does he know? I thought he was questioning Naruto’s sexuality as well, somewhat. Is he just jumping to the worst conclusion?
    Brrrr. I just KNEW that was Gaara’s voice. (*shiver*) . . . . Ooh, I like this bit: “the black orbs tinting red as if they foresaw a coming of bloodshed.” (*sighs dreamily*) Nice. . . . I really like the paragraph about Gaara’s “bluntness”. (*sighs dreamily again*) . . . . Sasuke, you are so going to eat those words. . . . I like Gaara’s speech to Sasuke. . . . (*snicker*) “That is, everyone with a smidgeon of intelligence was staying out of his way.” 9_9 . . . . “Your thoughts are as trustworthy as a hungry snake in a coop of chickens.” I wonder if he deliberately said “snake” instead of “fox”. Because it’s usually “a fox among chickens.” Maybe that would’ve been too personal for Naruto. ô_o . . . . Naruto used the honorific, and Sasuke immediately thinks, “He wants something.” XD . . . . Lol, Naruto had nearly thrown up on Sasuke. ^^ . . . . This bit where they’re thinking that he’s throwing up his breakfast makes me wonder just how greatly his appetite is going to grow eventually. We know he eats a lot as it is; but now he’s going to be eating for five. I mean, yikes. o_o;; . . . . I wonder if Naruto really believes in ramen gods, or if it’s just a joke. (I kinda hope it’s the latterk, and he’s having fun with the idea.) . . . . Ahhh, heheheh! Sasuke’s remembering! ^_^ . . . . Love how things are slowly coming out. “Did I do anything else . . . questionable?” Love that line. . . . Ooh, I like this bit! “Sasuke looked to the sky. To all the world it appeared as if he were praying to the kami for patience. However, he was really just seeing what time it was.” Nice! 8D . . . . Oh boy, this should be fun. >w< . . . . I keep wondering if there’s a difference between ANBU and Hunters, or if Hunter is just one of the jobs of the ANBU. And I would’ve thought that S-class missions would involve hunting. . . . Lol, “SURPRISE!” XD I love it when people do that! ^^ . . . . That was a cute ending. ♥
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  • From ANON - Anon on June 17, 2008
    Chapter 7: Yay, another lesson. ♥ (These are fun.)

    (*snort*) Typical boys. Sakura must be going crazy. . . . Jeesh. “An imploding jutsu would explode back at the user, sometimes resulting in their death.” I like that part. =) . . . . “He couldn’t even do a simple shadow clone right today.” Wuh-oh. ô_ô . . . . Okay, I’m a little picky on Kakashi, but I think he’d show just a little more concern. . . . I’m surprised that Sakura didn’t have anything to say in this scene. . . . “And those guns he called arms.” They don’t have guns in the ninja-verse. Kishimoto said he was picky about that part. . . . I don’t blame Naruto for being freaked out. It’s like one of the easiest things for him to do. Having trouble with it would definitely be a bad sign. . . . *Pffbt!* X3 “time-honored old game of catch-the-falling-dobe.” XDD That’s great. . . . Awww, that’s sweet: “Give it a break for today. Maybe you’re just tired.” That’s actually not too OOC. I can see him saying that at this age. . . . Heh. Sasuke disappeared. (*cough*shy*cough*)
    Oooooh, wet dream!! X3 . . . . You know, I like how vaguely you wrote the description of the dream. It’s not over-elaborate, and it’s a natural kind of dream. I can picture having that dream perfectly. Good job. (*thumbs up*) . . . . Love how he finally admits to himself that he’s gay. He just can’t help those images and urges and feelings. =D . . . . Sakue, eh? Well, if you must, Sasuke. (*shrug*)
    Heh. I like the bit about Gai getting his old team back together from time to time. ^_^ . . . . Uh-oh. This could end badly. õ_o . . . . LOL A LOT ABOUT DRUNK DUDES MISTAKING NEJI FOR A GIRL AND TRYING TO PICK HIM UP!! XDDD . . . . Sasuke’s drinking alone. Uh-oh. That’ll just make his negative feelings worse. . . . Jeez, and I had thought I’d seen Gai at his most poetic before reading this! ô_o . . . . Heh. And Neji’s probably wondering, “Why do I have to do this. . . ?” ^^ . . . . “Mightier-than-thou voice.” Totally. That’s hitting the nail on the head. ^_^ . . . . Hah! Sasuke just said it bluntly. I can totally hear it drunkenly . . . (*smile fades*) Uh-oh. If Neji develops feelings for Naruto, (*gulp*) this could be rough. õ_õ; . . . . Well, maybe not. . . . Wait – “ ‘Naruto asked you if you were gay?’ Another shake of the Uchiha’s head.” (*looks back at chapter 1*) Okay, technically he didn’t ask if Sasuke was gay. But he brought up the question, kind of. õ_ô . . . . “Hyuuga wasn’t considered a genius for nothing.” I would’ve thought that the real answer would’ve occurred to him before asking if Naruto tried to set Sasuke up with a gay guy. To me, that’s the question you ask if the others all failed, including the one about Sasuke having feelings for Naruto. . . . (*snort*) Love Sasuke’s “affirmative” to Neji’s last guess. ^^ (*giggle*) . . . . Lemme guess: Sasuke’s going to end up in Naruto’s house and bed. . . . Love the content smile. ^_^ . . . . Love Naruto’s response! “ ‘Dude, you are so wasted!’ he laughed [. . .]” ^^ For some reason, I really love that image and sound. ♥ . . . . XD “You sure are weird when you’re drunk.” Hilarious! XD . . . . OH MY – ! The misheard words! From “I’ve got a stick up my ass” to “You want a dick up your ass.” LMAOOOO, SERIOUSLY!! XDD . . . . This scene should be done in a doujinshi, seriously. The imagery is killing me and the dialogue is hilarious. X’D . . . . (((Aww, my prediction was wrong, darn it. Oh well. I like surprises.))) . . . . “You know, teme, you have a sense of humor when you’re drunk.” I like that, because, very subtly, he does. It’s not so much that he thinks a lot of things are funny or even that he’s acting funny (though he is), but it’s because he’s a lot looser. Good job. ♥ . . . . You know, you’re portraying a drunk Sasuke very well. He’s just loose enough, and I like how his thoughts are kind of wandering and not following a specific track easily. Here’s the image I get of his thoughts following a track when he’s sober: ------------------- And here’s the image I get of his thoughts when he’s drunk: ---~~¬~__/¬~~~~--¬~- Good job, I approve. ^_^ . . . . Heh, kissy-kissy. ♥ . . . . Oooh, nice break of the kiss! He fell unconscious! Cle-ver! =DD . . . . I wonder if Sasuke will remember and think he dreamt it all. . . . Awww, Naruto tucked Sasuke in. ♥ . . . . Oh. So the Kyuubi can hear Naruto’s thoughts.
    Poor girl. ó_ò . . . . I would say “Awwww” at the bear-hug part, but I’m a little suspicious of Tsunade’s intentions. . . . Hah! Knew it. (Poor Shizune.) . . . . Err, I’m having a little trouble believing this part. I can see Tsunade joining in, since it’s not political nonsense. (But maybe that’s just me.)
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  • From ANON - Anon on June 17, 2008
    Chapter 6: They have Murphy’s Law there? . . . . Hah! Love the part: “[. . .] to impregnate my host with a child, well, children.” It makes the reader stop and go, “Huh – what? There’s more than one?! O_O” ^_^ . . . . Four? Holy crap. . . . Heh. So typical of a powerful (and moreover proud) demon: “This wasn’t supposed to happen! . . . Ah, but perhaps I can use this to my advantage. (*evil chuckle*)” . . . . Interesting. The kids might have Sasuke’s genes, and he hadn’t spent any sperm. Wow. . . . Interesting plan from the Kyuubi, using the villagers’ strong feelings for their clans and Sasuke’s protectiveness. This should be very interesting. . . . I’m wondering how Naruto’s going to give birth. . . . I love how paranoid the Kyuubi is about a human law. I mean, try to imagine that from a haughty demon’s POV: “I am above such mundane and weak human concepts they call laws.” (Murphy’s law strikes the demon several times. “. . . This . . . is frightening. (*tremble*)” XDD

    Chapter 6: Haha, he got his punch in finally! XD . . . . Hey, uh, I know we’ve heard Sasuke call Naruto “dobe” before . . . but I thought it was just a one-time thing. He seemed to have stuck to “usuratonkachi” after that. Just wondering why the use of “dobe” so much in this fic. . . . (*snort*) The “un-asexual thoughts.” ^^ . . . . “But you led us here, dobe.” Ah, now Naruto’s going to learn about the sleepwalking. . . . (*snicker*) “Sasuke shrugged. Made me feel better.” XD . . . . “but he figured that if he used [the word “dobe”] every time the blonde was acting stupid, it would quickly wear-out the word.” Too late. It’s way beyond worn out if you ask me. (Which I’m sure you didn’t. *sweat*) . . . . “[. . .] and he had a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that this was going to come back to haunt him later.” Doesn’t need a genius to figure that one out. An unknown seal goes off when you touch it; yeah it’ll haunt you. . . . Deny it all you want, Sasuke: you’ve got it bad for him.
    Lol, love the “old married couple” cliché. ^^ . . . . “I will also assign a team of ANBU to watch over him to ensure nothing bad happens.” I wonder if he’ll sense them. If so, he’s not going to be thrilled about them following him. . . . I don’t think Tsunade would wait. She can do intense research on her own. She did for Lee when she was going to work on his spine. Actually, given the choices of doing Hokage paperwork and researching intense medical stuff, I think Tsunade would immediately start doing the latter, since that’s her field, and just let the paperwork climb until she’s done. ^_^ So, uh, to be bluntly honest (sorry about this), I don’t agree with the ending of the chapter. (*wince*) Sorry. T_T
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  • From ANON - Anon on June 13, 2008
    Chapter 5: XD Love the beginning. I have no clue what’s going on, but it’s funny. XD (Hang on, this chapter doesn’t have a title.) . . . . I like that bit, about how Sasuke was referring out loud to a conversation earlier. . . . I like this kind of depressed mood they’ve got. Heh, and then I like Naruto’s joke about Orochimaru getting a tan. XD And then I like how he ends it by saying, “By leaving us for him, you put us in danger.” Good line. . . . How sad and ironic that Sasuke didn’t get his chance to defeat Orochimaru and he got dragged back with limbs broken anyway. . . . I really like the part about how Naruto being a Jinchuuriki explained so much, and yet there was one thing that it didn’t explain. I liked that part. ♥ . . . . Heh. Did Sasuke forget about the Kyuubi’s interference? I guess if he’s tired, that would make sense. And really he offered to come just so somebody else wouldn’t come. He kinda forgot about the risk. Clever. Very subtle. . . . Oooh, cool. Just a bit of seduction. Kyuubi gets right down to it, doesn’t he?
    Heh, what a surprise. ^_^ Lol, “Whatcha *yawn* doin’ on the floor, Sasuke?” Cute. X3 . . . . XDD “a jutsu he had copied from some opponent or another.” XDD Love how “whatever, who cares” that sentence was. ^^ . . . . There’s something really funny and kind of random about the line, “puppy-dog eyes don’t work on an asexual.” =) . . . . Lemme guess: ramen stands?
    Guess not. ô_ô . . . . I like how Sasuke feels relaxed after hanging out. Like, “this isn’t so bad.” =) . . . . WTF? “Naruto had already climbed headfirst under the covers with his feet on the pillows” . . . the hell? õ_ô Why? . . . . Awww. . . . Those traps. Sasuke, if you don’t make a move, Gaara’s going to make a move. And if you hadn’t trusted Neji, how can you be so blasé about Gaara?
    Uh-oh. Now what? Where’d Naruto go off to? . . . . Love all the “might’ve noticed” parts. . . . . Nice effect when Sasuke steps on the seal. (I’m reading the Anita Blake series, so I like that part.) =D . . . . Oooh-hoo-hoo, (*chuckles excitedly*) “The Uchiha . . . this changes everything.” =DD

    Wheee, now I’m excited! >w< . . . . No, I’m not confused, just excited! ^_^

    1) Hmmm, tough one. (*drums fingers on table, thinking*) . . . I’m not great with names and their meanings, and I don’t want to spend forever on this (I’ll probably mention other ideas after future reviews, cuz I have ADD), but just now the female name Akiko popped into my head. I don’t know why, it just did.

    2) This question has bothered me too for-like-ever. I’ll have to get back to you on that.
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  • From ANON - Anon on June 13, 2008
    Chapter 4: To your A/N: True, but better safe than sorry.

    Nice first few sentences. ^^ . . . . I love that cute foxy smile Naruto has. Makes me want to hug him. ¢¾ . . . . (*snicker*) Naruto¡¯s talk about blasphemy to the ramen gods. XD . . . . Uh-oh, I think the Kazekage¡¯s going to have certain feelings for Naruto. (*nudge*nudge*) . . . . Trust Sasuke to hold a grudge for years. . . . I like how Naruto tried the angry protests before it just kind of deflated and then he said ¡°So did you.¡± I think that would get through more than if he had been able to protest heatedly.
    ¡°The two kept missing each other¡¯s glances.¡± How entertaining, and at the same time, infuriating. ^_^ . . . . (*snicker*) I like the bit about what the scroll¡¯s about and Gaara¡¯s response. . . . Uh-oh, Sasuke and Gaara alone in the room. This could end badly. (*sweat*) . . . . Why doesn¡¯t Sasuke just tell Gaara that it was the Hokage¡¯s orders that he go with him? . . . . Wow, Gaara¡¯s alert. . . . ¡°Great, thought Sasuke, How do I respond to that? If I say I¡¯m not in denial, then I¡¯m in denial about something. I see no way I could win.¡± Heh. Gotcha there, didn¡¯t he? ^_^ . . . . Gaara¡¯s going about this very honestly. It¡¯s interesting. He¡¯s not just going to leap in, and he¡¯s giving Sasuke a good headstart. Then again, knowing Sasuke, it might not amount to much, considering how slow he is about the touchy-feely stuff. ^^ . . . . ¡°He had a lot to think about.¡± Get some sleep first, though!

    (something wrong with the formatting, dammit. >.< . . )
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  • From ANON - Anon on June 13, 2008
    Chapter 3: Ooh, curious beginning! =D . . . . I like it. I like his scorn for humans with occasional incredulity. . . . The way he talks makes me think that he and Orochimaru would go great together. (Yes, I have read The Sound of Dreams by Zrina, and that’s what planted the suggestion at all in my mind; I’m just reflecting back on it.) . . . . Kind of a funny thought, a supposedly all-powerful demon studying human research on genetics. =) I wonder if he’s a little embarrassed. . . . So, what is a hanyou, exactly? I know it has something to do with demons, but I’m not sure exactly what it is. Half-demon? Still, I like the way you’ve portrayed the Kyuubi’s disgust to what he has to resort to in his desperation. . . . Cool, I like the bit about “when the pregnancy symptoms strike.” And this brings us Naruto’s to-be partner in the story. Cuz with parthenogenesis, he wouldn’t necessarily need a mate. But now he does; he needs support. I like that idea. =DD . . . . Gaara, I can understand. Neji, I’m guessing he’s going to gain a crush on Naruto later or something. And maybe Gaara as well. . . . Ohhh, interesting. Now he’s looking into psychology as well as genetics. Cool. He’s going to try to find some way to urge Naruto to seduce Sasuke, isn’t he? Hehehe. . . . I like the bit saying, “I knew I could affect my carrier’s hormones, making him happy or sad, enthralled or depressed, bold or shy, sexually aroused or not.” Usually I only hear about the latter two options in fanfiction. I like how you brought in the rest of the variety as well. =) . . . . JEEZ, and that was just a prologue to the chapter! Yikes! o_o; By the way, can the Kyuubi hear what’s going on in the outside world? Or does he read Naruto’s mind? (How does he know about the mission to Sand?)

    Chapter 3: Heh. Love their argument. Sasuke’s all, “It’s not like I have a choice.” Such a liar. ♥ . . . . Erm, “weak teme” didn’t make much sense to me. . . . (*snort*) “I don’t see what could go wrong.” The line you should never say. . . . “he didn’t feel like bothering with the blond’s loud attitude right then.” Maybe he should’ve thought of that before baiting Naruto. . . . I saw that word: “straddle”. That’s always an alert-word among AFF. XD . . . . LMAO!! “What’s got your panties in a bundle?” This is the first time I’ve heard that said to Sasuke in a fanfiction! And it’s so appropriate, too! (*cracks up*) Oh god. =D
    What – seriously? Did Sasuke really know those boxers were in there? Even if he didn’t, that’s a hilarious touch. XDD . . . . Yeesh, the smallest book is 1½ inches? Yikes. . . . Heh. That job for Shizune sounds almost like homework. But really Tsunade’s cheating. Clever. ^^

    I liked this chapter!
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  • From ANON - Anon on June 13, 2008
    Chapter 2: Yay, more science info. Thanks, it makes this very fun. ♥ . . . . Say, are you majoring in Science or something?

    Curious chapter title.
    Yeesh, calm down, Shizune, before you have an ulcer. . . . Oh, that’s clever: bribing Tsunade with sake. I hadn’t thought of that. ^_^ . . . . Little suggestion: When you refer to Tsunade as “the fifth,” it might be a good idea to capitalize “Fifth.” You know, “the Fifth.” Otherwise it might be a little confusing. No biggie, though. . . . Hmm, a break-in. Curious. I wonder why somebody broke in? Why not just check them out? . . . . “Her thoughts kept going to a certain annoying blond who had just been in her office.” Probably because he had just been there.
    I like the line, “So it was obvious to him that his sexuality didn’t matter to him, because he would still need a woman to help revive his clan.” Makes the reader wonder about the future. . . . “Sasuke had to bless his Uchiha genes – he could get any girl he wanted.” Ooh, (*shiver*) some SOB-ness. Only, while normally that aggravates me somewhat in certain fanfictions, this one didn’t sound too bad (yet). . . . Jeez, why’d you have to bring out the 70-year-old? I mean, menopause, ya know? That rules out an age-range. And why is he even looking at the older ladies? Why not the younger ones? . . . . Heh, Sakura saved him from mental-destruction. That’s a neat bit. Because stopping your thoughts from going a certain direction is one of the hardest things to do, in my opinion. . . . Hmm, what’s Tsunade up to? . . . . Okay, all this mention of the Uchiha traits reminds me more of Hyuuga Neji (you know, that repetitive joke about him?).
    “because it is imperative that the person you will be following not know that you are there.” How ironic, considering that Naruto seems to have picked up a habit of sensing Sauske’s presence, masked or not. I think I know where this story’s going to go, hehehe. . . . Haha, I like this line: “Oh, that’s why. Sasuke thought, I’d never believe her.” Cute. . . . Love that little sleeping cap Naruto wears. So cute. ♥ . . . . Yep. Knew Sasuke would use this mission as an excuse to follow up that earlier discussion they had. . . . Question: When is Sasuke supposed to sleep if he’s watching Naruto sleep at night? (It is night, isn’t it?) . . . . Wow, he can watch a guy sleep for hours? That’s persistence. Impressive. ô_ô . . . . Sleep-walking? . . . . I thought people’s eyes opened when they’re sleep-walking. . . . Whoa, that’s creepy. Sounds like he is being controlled. Hell, it sounds almost like voodoo to me! . . . . That’s really creepy, reading with his eyes closed. Brrr. . . . Ooh, clever bit about the chakra. I like that part. . . . Yeah, this does need to be reported. This is also probably why Naruto’s overtired: he’s expending energy at night. . . . Sasuke’s conclusion, “Naruto never wanted to be normal, not even when it came to sleeping,” seemed a little odd to me. . . . Wow, Sasuke watched him all night. Yeesh. And no wonder Naruto’s tired! . . . . Heh. I like how Sasuke went into “work-mode” when giving his report. . . . Hey, Sasuke knows about Naruto’s mission to Sand? Is it common for knowledge of other people’s missions to get around the other ninjas? . . . . XD I like the part saying, “We don’t want another insomniac demon-host.” I hadn’t seen that coming; it was funny. ^^ . . . . Ooh, jealousy unexpectedly rears its ugly head, hehehe. . . . Yeesh. Sasuke’s going to seriously need some sleep soon. And he’ll probably be a total grouch if he gets woken up early. ^^ . . . . “I believe I’m the best judge to know what I can and can’t handle.” [to Sasuke] You believe. (*amused*) Okay. Some people might debate about that, but it’s your decision.

    I thought the chapter was interesting. I really liked the mental image of Naruto when he was sleep-reading, and the chakra details about it. I’ve got a really good image in my mind of that scene.
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  • From ANON - Anon on June 13, 2008
    (I review as I read.)

    Chapter 1: I like the opening and ending to your disclaimer.

    Prologue: Oh HELL YEAH! You’re cluing us in on how genetics work! Awesome! Thanks! =D ♥ . . . . Wow, thanks for the lesson. I may have to refer back to this as I read the story, so thank you. ♥ ♥ ♥ (There is one part I’m confused about though: “But when male chromosomes are joined with male chromosomes, the possible outcomes become different:” It’s the examples underneath that sentence that confuse me. I don’t know what you’re indicating. But above the sentence is fine.)

    Chapter 1: Sounds like he’s asleep. . . . Yup. X3 . . . . Sleeping standing up, wow. I don’t know how people do that without falling over. ô_ô . . . . Ouch, that’s gotta hurt. >.< . . . . If you don’t mind a little suggestion: “Baa-chan, yawn, I’ve been sleeping at night [. . .]” Maybe put some type of emphasis on the yawn part like, “Baa-chan, (yawn), I’ve been sleeping at night [. . .]” or “Baa-chan,” – yawn – “I’ve been sleeping at night [. . .]” Just sounds a little less awkward in my opinion. ^^; . . . . Ahhh, suspicious stuff happening already, I think. Overtiredness. . . . I wonder if Naruto’s scared of doctors, or if he’s trying to hide something, or if he’s just being silly. I mean, if he’s serious about becoming a missing nin, that would risk his chances of becoming Hokage in the future. Isn’t that a little extreme? õ_ô . . . . Lol, “And that’s NOT a compliment!” =D I like that part. . . . “Have you considered it might be the seal?” How did she jump to that conclusion so fast? And the line, “This boy was going to [. . .] at least make the wrinkles show through her genjutsu,” is really good line. ^_^ . . . . Yeesh, that was totally overkill. I see what Jiraiya meant by nearly dying by Tsunade’s hand once. (*trembles*) . . . . I like Naruto’s argument: “I wasn’t the one that assigned me to an extended training mission with the perverted sage!” He gotcha there, Tsunade. ^_^ . . . . Oh my God, he’s going to tease her some more? After getting knocked through four walls?? What a masochist! o_o; . . . . Why’d she yell at him for calling her that? I would’ve thought she’d be used to it by now. . . . Heh. Nice abrupt entrance for Sasuke. ^_^ . . . . Interesting bit of information in these sentences: “He noticed that I was shielding my chakra? And I thought it was just luck that he could always find me [. . .]” Sudden information sneaked into the story. I like it. (Though, since they’re a person’s thoughts, I think they should be italicized. Sorry, had to mention it.) I wonder if Naruto sensing him is a skill he honed or if it came naturally. . . . “What is with all you Uchihas and your superiority complexes?” Is that a judgment based on encounters with Itachi as well as knowing Sasuke? . . . . 200 different flavors? Are there that many? My. ô_o . . . . (*snicker*) Sasuke apparently heard my thoughts there. . . . Mm. “However, showing annoyance was not something an Uchiha did.” A little contradictory, I think. He shows annoyance only too much. It’s just the people around him seem to have a problem picking up on it. . . . Nice bit: “Even he didn’t know how that had happened.” ^_^ . . . . Heh. “If there was one thing he ever didn’t need, it was help with his reputation, especially from Naruto, the social outcast of the village.” That would be rather insulting to him, wouldn’t it. ^^ . . . . Interesting. Naruto’s telling him directly about rumors that Sasuke’s gay, and Sasuke getting upset about it. A little unusual. I like it. =) . . . . I like this statement: “Yes, but for all outward appearances, you’re gay, which, if you are, good for you, if you’re not, you might want to get yourself a girlfriend.” It’s kind of a run-on sentence, but it works. I like it. ^_^ . . . . I’m surprised at how easy Naruto’s acting about not being accepted in romantic ways. But I like how you sneaked in Sasuke’s “That’s not true” thoughts, how they sneaked into his slight attraction for him. . . . Heh. And he’s just mildly (mentally) frowning about his own thoughts. ^_^ . . . . “Then I don’t suppose it really matters if I answer or not.” I’m having a hard time picturing Naruto saying that; sounds more like something Sasuke might say. . . . Interesting bit, about how Naruto really did have a little crush for Sakura, but found out he was gay anyway after that. I like the way you described it. It’s like he thought he had a crush on her, but only before he really learned what those feelings really felt like.

    Isn’t there a form of parthenogenesis with whiptail lizards? I heard something like the entire species is female.
    Anyways, so far, the story has an interesting topic. I think you’re putting just a little too much emphasis on Uchiha traits. I mean, I know there is a lot of resemblance between the clan members and it’s a fun thing to play with, but . . . yeah. (*sweat*) No biggie.
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  • From ANON - star101 on April 04, 2008
    Loving the story so far. Please update and let me know when the new chap is up.
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  • From MissMayumi on February 02, 2008
    Ahhh! I haven't heard from you in months! =[

    I dunno why you're not updating, but I really hope everything with you is going okay!

    Feel free to email me at MissMayumi500@yahoo.com

    I'd like to know if you're still alive!

    =/
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  • From Imagy on January 27, 2008
    Oh my gosh, I absolutely love this
    it's so ingeniusly hilarious
    I swear, I was tearing up with laughter for several straight chapters
    not like you could ever get this fic "straight" though
    XD
    buuuuut
    nice scenes
    loved the last one with the note taking
    and baby, that's making me want a ninja for myself, you know?
    so any ways
    update soon~!
    ;D
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  • From ultistarmon on January 04, 2008
    This is a hilariously great story and I can't wait to see more! Pretty please update soon!
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