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Reviews for Explosion

By : Lyndsay
  • From ANON - Anon on August 29, 2008
    WARNING: Mostly criticism below, but no flaming. Not my intent to make anyone feel bad.

    (I review as I read.)

    Okay, first of all, does Sasuke really call Itachi “aniki?” I’ve always heard “nii-san” (not counting other fanfiction). ____ “Firm Uchiha mask still in place.” Might want to elaborate on that; I know what you’re talking about, but maybe you should put some more into it about Why it’s an Uchiha mask. From first glance, it sounds more like a physical type of mask he’s wearing, not metaphorical. ____ I read somewhere that it’s rude to call your little brother “otouto” directly. It’s usually a reference when you’re talking to someone else about your little brother. ____ “Itachi [. . .] turned his head to gaze at his brother a moment, dark eyes narrowing only slightly in curiosity at how his brother was reacting to the cold and promise of something spectacular.” Has Sasuke never seen fireworks before? That indicates that he’s really young. Surely he’s seen fireworks by age 3. And even if he doesn’t remember that exact time, the memory would’ve been converted to knowledge as to what fireworks look like. ____ “How do they get there?” That’s a more reasonable question. ____ (*snort*) Itachi’s answer made me laugh; he’s probably saying it to manipulate Sasuke, but an alternative is that he has no clue how they get up there. X'D ____ I like this line: “The older boy [. . .] wondered at how his younger brother could possibly be worried about something as insignificant as the pain of a few exploding chemicals.” Like he himself never had a curious childhood (then again, maybe he hadn’t—he grew up so fast). Also, that’s purely the product of not explaining it to Sasuke. (By the way, it seems a little OOC to me; in the manga, he seemed to be a lot more patient.) ____ Interesting how Itachi’s considering his words; he’s not considering them so he can pass on knowledge, rather he’s considering them so he’ll know what’ll affect Sasuke the most. ____ I have mixed feelings on how the kiss felt to Sasuke. They both strike me as young, and I doubt Sasuke has gone through puberty yet. If that’s what a kiss would feel like to some people, how is he feeling it if he’s still . . . not activated in the sexual hormones? On the other hand, he could be feeling that way because of Itachi’s words to him. The power of suggestion. ____ So, Itachi has done this with him before. Doesn’t Sasuke ever feel uneasy about it? Even if he believes Itachi about it making him stronger and puts up with it for that, doesn’t his body still tell him that it’s uncomfortable? ____ “No matter how young or naïve or innocent his brother was . . . every body was likely to react to stimulus eventually . . .” Maybe. But puberty does matter. If he hasn’t gone through puberty, then it’s not going to feel right to him. Obviously, he has. But his questions in the story indicate that he’s either very young (too young to have gone through puberty) or dumb; unless he’s secretly been raised by Itachi to be a victim, he wouldn’t be so accepting of the answers or the actions. ____ “I can feel it [. . .] like something building . . .” That’s an interesting line, and it could be very good material for use in another story. But there are too many inconsistencies in this one for it to make much sense. Sorry. ____ I liked Itachi’s response to it, though. ____ Then again, it’s interesting to hear about the excitement of “I felt the explosion.” It would be wondrous for a first time.

    (*checking the review*) Wow . . . sorry for all the criticism. I try to keep my reviews positive but honest. I’m sorry I didn’t have more positive comments to say.
    I think this story is vague on the age of the characters; we know Itachi is five years older than Sasuke, but we don’t know if this is an AU or not (another vague point), so that age difference could be different. If it’s not an AU, then Sasuke seems a little young to go through puberty and feel those things (I dunno, is it possible for a child to have an orgasm if he hasn’t gone through puberty?), and he also should be old enough to have seen fireworks. He might have that question about how they get up in the sky, but he’d know that Itachi’s lying to him about that “as strong as father is” bit.
    So, I feel like this story could use some work and revisions and clarifications. Sorry. (*hangs head*)
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  • From ChibiBerry on October 12, 2007
    i, um, it just sort of feels sad to me, but anyways i liked it very much, good job!
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  • From sweetciel on September 26, 2007
    *eyes unfocued as blood from nose drips onto keyboard*
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  • From Kikyousama18 on July 22, 2007
    Awww...chibi!Sasuke is absolute love!!
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  • From ANON - Kuro Tenka on July 10, 2007
    Sick, but I liked it. ~ Kuro
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  • From Rosebud on July 09, 2007
    Sasuke is so innocent and Itachi is so bad for taking advantage of that... heheh, I love it! Very Nice! ^^
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  • From ANON - Anon on July 09, 2007
    twisted
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  • From Sapphirexkat2 on July 09, 2007
    that was sexy. great job. poor Sasuke; he's so damn innocent, so I don't blame Itachi for, umm, yeah. please write more!
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