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Reviews for The Rule of Uchiha

By : snowren
  • From ANON - tala ishtar on June 28, 2010
    this is great i hope that you update it soon i want to see what happens.
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  • From MiraMira on December 18, 2008
    WHAT?! HOW DARE OROCHIMARU SAY THERE WASN’T ANYTHING SPECIAL ABOUT NARUTO!!! Gya! Grrrr, stupid snake-bastard thinking he’s all that and a bag of yaoi doujinshi just because of his position in court. Naru-chan’s ADORABLE even without his perfect personality! Ugh, just goes to show what crappy taste the pale snake-freak has. Hmph. Anyways, I love slave fics almost as much as I love Naru-chan, which, let me assure you, is quite a bit ^-^ heheh. I can’t wait for the next chapter *hint hint*

    Um, well you said we could point out grammar mistakes and such and I’m a bit of a Grammar Nazi…so…here I go.

    In the sentence “He had explained to his brother with shaking fists and broken furnitures that he does not wish for a slave. He had no such desire for useless sexual tools, for his only lust lies in the battlefield, under the blue skies and bloody earth” “furnitures” is not a word, “furniture” can be applied to one piece of furniture or a collection of pieces. Also, novels and other written works are generally put in the past tense, so while “had” is correct, “he does not wish” should be “he did not wish” and “lust lies” should be “lust laid.” Also, “for” in “for his only lust” isn’t needed…it makes it a bit too melodramatic and takes away from the character you’re building in Sasuke in my opinion….I’m sorry! I always hate leaving corrections in my reviews, it’s just that all the tense changes are making me feel dizzy…though that could just be because I have a crazy fever right now….yeah, ok, I guess the later’s more likely XP

    Anyway, would you mind if I beta’ed this story for you? Please let me know whether you’d be interested or not. My email’s keitaros_kero_neko at yahoo dot com.

    May the yaoi muse be with you!
    Miranda

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  • From dragon04 on September 03, 2008
    PLEASE UPDATE SOON. I like to see what happen next.
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  • From cutiegrrl875 on August 25, 2007
    i LOVE this story!!!
    so far its pretty AMAZING!!
    but yeah i REALLY hope u update soon!!!!
    ...REALLY soon!!!
    I LOVE SASUXNARU!!! =)
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  • From beekayz on August 01, 2007
    This is starting out so good! Keep up the amazing work! =)
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  • From on July 22, 2007
    ack!I like how well written this is :] keep up the good work and update!
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  • From ForgottenPrincess on July 19, 2007
    i love slave fics and there as so few good ones. I can not wait to find out what Sasuke will do with his prize.
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  • From ANON - Ashlee on July 14, 2007
    OH no >.
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  • From ANON - Anon on July 14, 2007
    Great story so far. Please continue!!
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  • From hisoka on July 14, 2007
    wait wasnt his fantasy about blood and killing?i dont get it but im willing and anctious to read on and find out.continue
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  • From TheGingerLady on July 14, 2007
    Woah! I totaLY DIG this fic! I hope you update soon! ^^
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  • From ANON - Damp on July 13, 2007
    I can´t even begin to contemplate what Sasuke´s going to do with Naruto. Although, because this ends in love I guess it´s going to end well...right?

    -Damp *You have your work cut out for you, seeing as, to me, this is a commom type storyline.*
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  • From TenshiYoukai on July 13, 2007
    I am very much liking this story and am glad that you have put up the second chapter so soon. I like the fact that Sasuke doesn't want a slave but is compelled to get Naruto anyway. I enjoyed the way you wrote it.

    So, You asked to have typos pointed out to you.

    "At the centre of the courtyard, stood Orochimaru the head of royal guards and several figures covered with thin, silky cloaks that masked their face and entire body."

    In this sentence the comma's should be after 'Orochimaru' and 'guards' because the phrase "the head of the royal guards" describes who Orochimaru is. The comma after courtyard doesn't need to be there because the introductory clause is short enough to not confuse the reader. Also the word centre is wrong, it should be center. The word Centre is mostly used as a formal name for places and isn't really a word.

    After the phrase "nineteenth birthday." You should take out the close quote and move the next line of dialog up, getting rid of the extra line and joining the two parts of the dialog together. It should be together because it has all been said by one person.


    The phrase "No even daring to look" Did you mean to have it start with "Not"?

    Surprisingly, you have very few typos. Sorry If I seem nit-picky with the grammar, I hate to read such a wonderful story and find grammar mistakes in it. I am very much looking forward to the next installment. This has the makings of a wonderful slave fiction!!
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  • From Chria on July 13, 2007
    Wow, this is interesting! I love how Sasuke's obsession with color turns him on. Please continue. :D
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  • From ursweetheartless on July 13, 2007
    mmm, second chapter, nice update.

    i hope sasuke doesnt make poor naruto bleed too much...
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