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Reviews for SURPRISE

By : writer33
  • From SirGeneralSir on July 30, 2014
    you have a lot of spelling and grammar errors, some are very simple.

    when characters are talking it should be like this

    "I see, then what would you have done?" the warlord asked his second in command.

    the chapters could have been in one and it probably would have flowed better that way.

    you are also telling me the story, im not reading it.

    *So the two of them went to bed together and he just fucked her hard* VS *As the two lovers laid in bed, Bob looked over to Tanya, he slowly began to play with her body in an attempt to arouse her*

    it wasnt a bad attempt at a story, but i think there needs to be more to it, why does Sakura want his baby? why is she using an ability that should belong to Ino.

    I tend to write a chapter at least 15 pages long, some write 5+

    keep working at it and maybe the story will evolve into something more.


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  • From ANON - Anon on September 30, 2008
    Are you kidding??

    Are you Fucking kidding??!

    WHAT ARE YOU 12?? What's up with the grammar and spelling, don't you know how to use spell-check?
    Weren't you taught to proof-read yo' shit?!

    Other than that.. not bad. Is Sakura Mental, what kind of pills was she supposed to take lmao? (By the way its: KONOHA and Sakura HARUNO - you spelt them wrong, among other shit...)
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  • From ANON - Akari on August 24, 2008
    Firstly, your human proportions? Way off. Secondly, Kohano?? Where in maps of Naruto is this?? Konoha. If you plan on writing a Naruto fic, please know where the setting is. Thank you.
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  • From thas on August 23, 2008
    harano sakura.
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  • From ANON - doo da day on January 22, 2008
    good story, hope there is more
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  • From ANON - Anon on June 04, 2007
    Wow -_- I can't even begin to find a starting point on helping you improve...Did you even take a highschool english class???

    And Naruto's "proportions" are WAY off...like, inhumanly so. -_- Not a good thing.
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  • From bloodrain01 on April 22, 2007
    not bad i have read some hhmm.
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