Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for Always With You

By : Sean

From Dynamo on September 11, 2007
I love this story!!
hope you write another one!
Report Review
From Coldstone on May 26, 2007
Well. This was the first Naruto Story I was reading here. And I must say it was really good in my opinion. I liked it very much. My favourite Pairing is Naruto/Hinata. But the other were good also.

And your own techniques sound very good to me. Neko's Weaponry seems not overpowered to me (well, but maybe I'm just used to much more powerful weaponry).

Can't wait for your sequel story.

Keep up the good work.
Report Review
From 1upmushroom on May 14, 2007
Okay...

This story was.. I hate to say it.. But it wasn't good. It had tons of nice fluff, but thats ALL it had. Plot? Yeah, there was one.. But.. Dear lord was it amateur. It seemed like every other paragraph there was these two chapter pauses to explain stuff or show off new abilities and joke awkwardly about characters shacking up, or explain, again, to characters who don't yet know about Naruto's sealed demon. The action was okay, for what little there was. I hate using this 'term' but Gaara's OC girlfriend was a mary sue.. (Not 100% I know for certain what a mary sue is, mind you.) Like zomg she never had a family, but thats coo, she has overpowered weapons! Hurray! Sorry for using sarcasm in a review, I know it's bad taste..

Anyway, I do hope you'll try again. Good fluff. Try to work on the dialogue and plot, get the cheese out. More detail in the combat, and more blood, blood, violence and death is always good. It's part of what separates the original import from the slashed up kiddie versions you see on 4kids TV, bleccchhhh!! This is AFF.net, let out your inner carnage-crazed monster!

Constructively yours,
TEOATG&B,
P.S. Chiao! :D
Report Review
From Loki176 on May 14, 2007
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH so awsome!!!!!!!!!!!! Sort of patiently waiting for next chap so excited ^_^ exelent story so far want to read more MORE!!!!!! hehehehe ^_^
Report Review
From Nameramthgin on May 12, 2007
Ok, dim, I have to say this. Normally, I would write me reveiw of the newest chapter in a silly and sarcastic manner while hiding my approval of it within my words. Unfortunately, as much as I would like to, I cannot write some funny little joke for this chapter.(At least not yet, I am sure my OCD will force me to do it later.) I am only going to tell yuo this because I beleive you would want me to do so. Your last chapter, while it has great potential, was a severe dissapointment. I want to know what happened to you on this one man, you dropped the ball. The overall flow was broken and unfocused. The attention to detail was completely lost. Overall the quality just was not present. Compared to your other chapters this is a complete and utter shock to me. This chapter does not even come close to comparing with your previous chapters. My honest opinion is you should do a rewrite of the last chapter to bring it on par with the rest of the story. I know you can do much better then this so dont let me down.

*back at the bomb shelter*
"wow" dim said as he settled back heavily into his chair. "I cant beleive namer sent me a flame..." slowly he turned in his seat to survey the room around him. All around the room were the unconcious forms of his reviewers. They had intended to kill him but in a clever ploy dim used his massive amount of hentai to distract them. They were all passed out from massive blood loss due to nosebleeds. Suddenly movement caught his eye. Out of the shadows in the corner of the room Nameramthgin appeared

"We need to talk" he said in a very unsettling tone. Slowly he reached into his trenchcoat and produced a small stack of papers.
"What is that?" dim asked cautiously...
"This is your latest chapter, you need to fix it." he said in the same tone as before.
"wait, how did you survive me hentai?" dim asked "Seriously, I have some pretty nasty and harcore stuff in there. I mean really nasty. In fact, I am pretty sure alot of it is banned in most civilised countries of the world, how did you resist it?"
"Dim, compared to me Jiraya is like a saint. If he is the king of perverts then I am the god of them. Now fix your chapter."
"And what if I dont?" dim asked, his voice laced with defiance.
"Simple, I wont kill you. That would be to easy. No, what I do will make your mother cry." With those words Nameramthgin faded back into the shadows and out of sight.
"Man, that guy really need to get out more. Maybe if he had some freinds he wouldn`t waste his whole life reading smut." Dim said to himeself. Suddenly groans could be heard all around the room. Turning, dim sweatdropped, "hehe, guess its time to wake up" he said to himeself with a shudder.
Report Review
From Nameramthgin on May 06, 2007
awww, comon dim. what kind of excuses are those? Me and ghost are gonna have to throw a pity party for you are something.
"hey, Ill go call the wambulance!" Ghost shouted in the backround.
"Hey, what about us?" Shouted a chorus of nameless pervets.
at this, Nameramthgin sweatdropped. "Guess we gonna make it a pity parade... Okay! listen up, I will get the beer, you over there! you get some balloons. You over their get chips, and you go hire the clowns, and you.................."
Report Review
From Nameramthgin on May 01, 2007
"shiiiiiiiiTiiiiiiiiiiiimateeeeeeee......" was the sound heard as Namer sailed through the air. He landed with a thud and a splash further up the river. slowly, he sat up.
"grrr...dam piranahs...... dam those two..... they call that help......"
suddenly a signal could be seen in the sky, flashing across the clouds.....
"OMG, thats the chapter signal. That means a new chapter has been written. sweet. I shall reveiw and send flames galor! Mwuhahahahahahahahah."
suddenly Nameramthgin pulled out a large scroll and bit itno his thumb as he unfurled it....
"SUMMONING JUTSU :oMEGA SMUT READER OF DOOOOOOOOOM"
With those words a larger cumputer poofed into exsistance and seemed to hover in mid air before slowly falling toward the water. Too late did namer reolise that his computer was in fact not hovering, the whole world had gone into slow motion. [This is a phenomenon that pccurs right before something really bad happens. This is to give the audience enough time to peice together the really bad thing that is about to happen while the person it is happening to has time to reflect an their life. weeeeeee.] Namers eyes followed the slow decent of his computer, the whole time he was thinking, 'Maybe I should have gotten out of the river before I summoned this damn thing....." He was then electricuted by the 1200 watt power supply inside of his computer.

Note to all: HEY, I AM NOT A PERVERT!!!!!!!!!. In case you did not know I have read thousands of stories on AFF and fanfiction. right now I have over 400 bookmarked into different catagories. If I could I would own every copy of icha icha. So, just to clarify, I am not a pervert...... I AM SUPER KING PERVERT MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Report Review
From GhostwriterMO on April 30, 2007
GhostwriterMO found himself up a tree limb dangling over the river with several
pirana biting at him "Why me Kami?" he groaned. A bolt of lightning flashed with
a crack of thunder. "Yeah, yeah I know, why not?" shaking his head. "Ask a retorical
question." "A-are you-u okay?" says a voice like a dove. Ghost looks to the left of him and
sees a beautiful girl with indigo hair and full moon pearl eyes looking at him.
"Not really..." a pirana jumps at him causing him to lift his legs out of the way.
"I could use some...HEEELLLPP!" Ghost shouts as a pirana gets lucky and bites him in the butt.
"Naruto-kun please hurry!" the pretty girl crys. A blonde headed teen in a
orange and black jumpsuit comes running zipping his fly."Coming. Can't even get
a break to take a leak." Ghost sweat drops. "I'm fish food."
"Hey Hinata what's happening." Hinata points the other teen hang from the tree with a
pirana stuck to his butt. "Hi can I ask for some help. WITH THE FREAKING FISH TRYING
TO EAT ME?" Naruto pulls out several shurikens from his pouch. "No sweat." He
throws the shuriken with amazing dead-eye accuracy that they go through all the fish.
However..."AAAGGGGHHHH!!!!" Ghost screams as the shuriken going through the pirana
on his butt replaces the now dead fish. "This day can't get any worse...Can it?"
Elsewhere
Namer woke up finding himself on dry land yet he also found himself hanging upside down
by his legs. "Hmm, Kisame what do you think of this strange looking fruit?" comes from a
cold voice. "I don't think it's a fruit Itachi, it looks more like a pinata to me. Want
to see whats inside?" "Why not we have time to kill."
Elsewhere
Dim Song was working on another great chapter to his story before looking for his friends.
"KUKUKUKU" a fimiliar cold laugh sends a chill down his back. "Just who I was looking for."
Orachimaru pulls himself out from inside a tree looking at Dim Song like the cat that ate
the canary. "We need to have a little talk. KUKUKUKUKU"
Report Review
From GhostwriterMO on April 28, 2007
GhostwriterMO walks up to the river and looks around. Looking for Dim Song and Nameranthgin.
"Kami,why am I doing this again?" he scratchs his chin in thought. A flash of lightning and a rumble of thunder echos. "Okay, okay just asking a question jeez!"
"RASENGAN!" could be heard even louder then the thunder. As what appeared to be a person bounced down river.
"O..kay! I think I just found Name' that or Guy challenged Kakashi to water skiing again."
Pulling out his cell phone. "Lets see XOX-O69X (Not really!). Hey Dim Song I found Name'..."
"How did you get up river? GhostwriterMO forms a giant sweatdrop. "In a...row boat?" shaking his head. "Never mind. He's down here...huh?" GhostwriterMO's face drains of color.
"What do you mean....PIRANAS!!! HOLD ON NAME'!" Droping the phone he pulls out the traditional giant hammer from somewhere in his pocket.
"BANZAI!!!" Jumps in the water swimming after Name'. Not noticing the pirana near by watching and licking his fishy lips. (IMITATION IS THE SINCERITIST FORM OF FLATTERY. p.s. keep up the great work.)
Report Review
From Nameramthgin on April 27, 2007
*cough*...*sputter* *cough*..... help....*cough*.......*sputer*....... ...........................

Suddenly a leaf ninja walks up and says "Hmmmm..... have you tried standing up? the water is only a foot and a half deep......."

"Oh.....hehehe, my bad. And who might you be?"
"Oh. m-my n-name is h-hinata....." she replied in a low tone.
"Well, Hinata, It is very nice to meet you.." I replied in a seductive tone.
"HET TEME............"
"Oh, hi naruto, wait, why do you look so mad.... wait, is that what I think it is..... oh god no, wait, lets talk about thi-"
"RASENGAN"..............
......of in the distance dimsong looked back downstream. "Hmmmmm, could of swore I heard a scream...... oh well, back to work, gotta save namer..." And he continued to row the life boat to go find help.

Truthe was he made it about 150 feet upstream and around the bend in about a day. Turns out it is really hard to go upstream against the current in a rowboat. Wonder when he will figure it out.
Report Review
From Nameramthgin on April 25, 2007
Mwuhahahahahahahahahahqahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahn *cough* good update. Sorry I didnt say anything about the last chap ter. Truth is it was so horrible I could not even create a proper sentence to describe my hatred for its very exsistace. .......... Joking. I was busy movin.... OMG.... I just reolised,..... I have alot of storys to catch up on.......... I am almost frightened...... send help. And update soon!
Report Review
From GhostwriterMO on April 24, 2007
Rightous. That was great. I love the trick he did to Rock Lee, and I know that Neji minus seal equals= one hyperactive Hyuuga (lucky Tenten or poor Tenten?) Plus Hinata is going to be proud. I love the idea of the Oasis is a giant seal minefield with Naruto as the seeing eye dog. As always keep up the fantastic work.
Report Review
From BlazinAtsuma on April 23, 2007
Wow glad to see the Ryakugan being used for something that really helped one of his friends.. Now Neji is a free bird who finally was uncaged for the first time... I have a question how did you come up with the doujutsu
Report Review
From DuUrden on April 22, 2007
hey man great story i just finished reading the chapters you have written. and i agree with you naruto/hinata just seem perfect for eachother. and i like how you are changing the story line and making it more interesting. i think you have most of there personalities down pretty good. even the ones who don't get much attention like tenten and hanibi.
Report Review
From GhostwriterMO on April 21, 2007
Yo I love your new chapter, keep up the great work. I can't wait till Naruto sees "eye to eye" with Itachi, maybe a darkness seal or of the exploding kind...you know an "eye for an eye." I know pretty bad and gruesome but then again I think Kisame should be turned into sushi. I hope I'm giving you some good ideas cause I love your story and hope you keep on writing it till you finish it. So till next time you got the "write stuff." I know I need new material.
Report Review