Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for A Stray Child

By : Mikeal

From ANON - Anon on June 10, 2008
Chapter 14: Ahaha, the bars are booby-trapped. ^^ . . . . “And you can’t, especially after having that fresh seal put on your arms.” Huh? Did that shock do something to him? õ.õ . . . . I always like that bit about Sasuke’s Curse Seal alerting him to Orochimaru’s presence. I like the “paternal tracking device” label for it. ^^
“My wife.” That sounds . . . wrong. >.< . . . . Love the difference in Tsunade’s and Orochimaru’s facial expressions to Kakashi when he suggests allowing Orochimaru to see his son. . . . I also like how Orochimaru classified the suggestion as “an interesting distracting gesture”; he’s sharp, isn’t he. ♥
So this is how Sasuke’s reacting to the Curse Seal alerting him, eh? Cool. . . . How is the Seal “pale?” . . . . Interesting how Sasuke feels a little sick. Is it the Curse Seal’s “Wake up! Your dad’s here!” adrenaline warring with the “No, go back to sleep” sedative? Cuz, that’d be kinda interesting (though probably extremely nauseating). . . . (*snicker*) Love your (un)original label for Orochimaru, Shika. It’s understated really funnily here. I like it. ^^ . . . . It was kinda funny how Sasuke said, “He’s coming through the door,” and sorta-faints. There’s a lot of humor to the situation. ^^ . . . . Um, I hate to say it, but the ending seemed a little silly to me. Kind of . . . overdone, I guess. Sorry.

Actually, it makes sense for Orochimaru to be kind of a funny parent. I hadn’t thought of it that way before, but it’s an interesting idea. ^^
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on June 10, 2008
Chapter 13: Wow. I’ll bet Itachi would just love to hear how hard Sasuke’s trying to get to him and is mad at everyone getting in the way. At least, that’s probably how Itachi’s warped mind would interpret it. . . . Naruto had no place to tell the others about the rape, even if it was out of caring and if the others feel the same way he does about it.
Orochimaru’s such a sadist. . . . (*snicker* Kakashi’s words to the ANBU forces. ^^ . . . . Hmm, that is a good question: why didn’t anyone attack him immediately? õ_ô . . . . Interesting line: “Well, that’s for him to decide, but that’s not why I came here.” For Sasuke to decide, eh?
(*snicker*) Love ‘Rochi-kun’s greeting to Tsunade. ^^ . . . . Okaaaay, the way Orochimaru put that – “I’m here to take care of . . .” – eugh. That phrase just sounds wrong with him. (*shudders violently*) XP . . . . Heheh, nicely played, ‘Rochi-kun. Go get ‘im. ^^
So Itachi knew that Fugaku wasn’t Sasuke’s dad, but he didn’t know who was. Whoops. ^^
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on June 10, 2008
Chapter 12: Love how Tsunade mocks him. He’s gotta admit: that is pretty embarrassing. ^^ The grammar of “She smirked and seen the death jolts he was giving off” is a little mixed up, though. . . . “It would seen Sasuke is even stronger . . .” You mean “seem” not “seen”. . . . Interesting, seeing Itachi growl those insults to her.
I wonder how many times Sasuke’s tried to make a break for it. . . . Love how tense Sasuke is. . . . (*sigh*) Naruto knows better than to say things like that. That’s more of the kind of mistake Sasuke would make, not Naruto. . . . “Oh just let Sasuke kill the bastard [. . .] will be calmer and more relaxed.” You know, he does have a point, Naruto. . . . Nice apology, Naruto. . . . Hmm, interesting ending.
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on June 10, 2008
Chapter 11: Ah, ‘Rochi-kun has a part in this too. Cool. I wonder what wound that is or where he got it from. . . . “Those Konoha idiots had no right taking my son from me.” I like his attitude. Strangely in this fic he’s got a point. . . . So he’s got some parental feelings for Sasuke, then? . . . . I love ‘Rochi-kun’s aggression. I wonder where Kabuto is, though. Was he one of the ones killed?
“The sky was darkening and the moon was starting to show itself.” Reminds me of that view of Itachi on the telephone pole with the moon behind him. ^_^ . . . .Yay! Nice save, guys! =D . . . . I’m surprised the Chidori didn’t just rip right through him. . . . Okay, I like the point Naruto makes to Sasuke about “being just like him,” but it’s been used a lot. I think if the point was brought in a little differently or phrased differently, it would’ve been better. . . . Love how furious Sasuke is, and how the Kyuubi “helps.”

What’s this about losing your temper? I didn’t see anything wrong. õ.ô
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on June 05, 2008
Chapter 10: Therefore, Sasuke is a hermaphrodite. Is that right? . . . . I can’t imagine how Sakura would react to hearing this.
Umm, the line: “The others came in looking very interested in what was going to be said”; I think “looking very interested” sounds a little too threatening or nosy. “Looking puzzled” or even “curious” would probably sound less so.
(*snort*) Nice one, Naruto. You totally deserved that punch. X3 Also, Miklusca? This is the second time you’ve mentioned “large white eyes.” I don’t understand the white part. – Oh wait. Never mind, I think I just got it. You mean like in the anime/manga style when a character gets pissed or freaked out, right? (*sweat*) . . . . (*snort*) Nice line, Kakashi. What prompted that? ^^; . . . . Okay, you keep saying “a Uchiha.” ‘Scuse me for being a grammar nazi, but it would sound better if you said “an Uchiha.” . . . . “Similar features?” I’d say he looks closer to Sai than to Orochimaru. But it’s an interesting idea that Orochimaru’s his dad. . . . And, uh, why would Orochimaru let the fact that Sasuke’s his son stop him from taking over his body? I would’ve thought that would’ve been more of an incentive for him. . . . Jeez, Naruto, there’s a time and place for double-meanings; this is not one of them. ò.ó . . . . (*gasp*) Ò.Ó I can’t believe Naruto said that! I would’ve thought a LOT better of him, rivalry or not! . . . . Wow, I love Sasuke’s line, and how right then an ANBU member comes in with an alert. . . . Man, this is going to be rough for everyone, isn’t it? ó.ò
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on June 05, 2008
Chapter 9: (*gasp*) He senses Itachi! o.o . . . . Love Sasuke’s prayer and how Kakashi notices the panic. . . . Err, whoopsie: “then something was defiantly up.” I think you mean “definitely” not “defiantly”. (*sweat*) . . . . Hmm, curious. Why would Sasuke sense Itachi’s chakra, but Kakashi wouldn’t? ô_o
Not bullshit, Naruto. It’s none of your business.
Wow. Yikes. That must be rough for Sasuke. . . . So who IS the mysterious person?! (As you can see, I’m loving the drama. *flail*flail*) . . . . Whoa . . . you’re kidding. I didn’t see that coming! O.O (Though I probably should’ve. -_-;) Anyway, if word about that gets out, the village is going to go crazy on Sasuke. This should be kept private (though it probably won’t be too bad if Naruto knew, of course ♥).
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on June 05, 2008
Chapter 8: That would be disturbing, hearing Sasuke screaming like that. . . . Kyuubi seems pretty wise here. Wait. Kyuubi’s a girl? . . . Okay. . . . Physically . . . what does that mean? õ.o
Err, wasn’t Sasuke’s dad called “Fugaku”? . . . . Heh. “The Uchiha clan gets weirder and weirder every time I read something about their history.” One could say that, yes.
Oh, for god’s sake, Naruto, it was not your place to do that! Calling Kakashi and Sakura up and going with Sasuke? If Tsunade didn’t talk over the phone, it means she wants it kept private! ò.ó . . . . Okay, Naruto, that’s cheating, saying that she wanted the rest of the team to come as well. (*shakes head, rolling eyes*)
Ohhhhh shit. He’s here. o_o
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on June 05, 2008
Chapter 7: “Bloody rag around his navel?” What. . . ? . . . . Whoa, whoa, hang on. It’s 2:30 AM. What is Shikamaru doing there at that hour? õ.ô . . . . Nightmares induced from all the trauma he’s been through?
Yup, looks like it. . . . Oh mannnn. (*groan*) That’s sick. . . . Jeezus! Õ.Õ
I like Sasuke’s reaction when he woke up. . . . Nice interaction between the two. . . . I like how quietly Naruto backs off whenever Sasuke freaks out on him. I liked Naruto’s suggestion and then how Sasuke just freaks like that. And Naruto was all like, “Okay . . . okay . . . chill . . .”

Not going really slow to me at all. I’ve seen much slower, and they’ve all been really good. Actually, I think the slower the better. (So long as the story does finish and that the author doesn’t leave us hanging. ^^;)
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on June 05, 2008
Chapter 6: So what’s the problem with Hyuuga, not giving back Sasuke’s house? And does Neji not agree or something? . . . . That question I just asked came from Neji speaking in Sasuke’s defense earlier. How do the rest of the group feel about Sasuke, I wonder. . . . Yeesh, talking about playing with fire, Neji. õ.õ . . . . For once, Sakura’s taking Naruto’s side versus Sasuke’s side. . . . Well-said, Kiba. ^_^ (I guess that answers my question up there. 9_9) . . . . I take it back. Kiba, you should NEVER ask anyone that kind of question. ò_ó . . . . See? Hinata agrees with me. (Thank you, Hinata, dear. ♥) . . . . And Gaara. Thank you, too, man. ♥ (And Miklusca? You wrote their lines really well. I could totally hear them saying it. ^_^) . . . . Heh. Trust Lee to try optimism. ^^ . . . . (*snort*) And Naruto joins in. . . . Poor guy. Too much for him to deal with right now. He probably needs some quiet time. . . . Wait. “Been born a freak?” What does that mean? õ.õ . . . . Sasuke didn’t close his door? Weird. Interesting last line to leave off with.
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on June 04, 2008
Chapter 5: Ooh, I like this sentence! “Itachi took a drink from his water bag and cracked his tired neck muscles.” Nice. I can totally visualize it. =D . . . . So why the heck does Itachi think that Sasuke can get pregnant? Is he just nuts that way or what? ô.o . . . . (*stiffens*) Ooh, I love how you abruptly brought in the fact that Itachi’s turned on. Somehow it was very subtle and not too random.
Oh boy, another flashback. =) . . . . “Faceable?” I don’t understand it in this context. õ.õ . . . . Whoa, that’s creepy. I love the visual description. . . . “It’s all right, it’s just me.” Oh boy, that is scary. (*shiver*shiver*shiver*) . . . . Yeah, Itachi’s nuts alright. . . . Yeesh, now he’s threatening to kill their mom. Poor Sasuke. ;_; . . . . (*after reading Itachi’s reaction to Sasuke’s “death-ray glare”*) I perversely wonder whether Itachi enjoys it more when Sasuke’s limp and unresistant or struggling. . . . Sooo Sasuke’s already going through some puberty? He’s maturing physically but not mentally? . . . . While I usually hate rape . . . this is rather erotic. I mean . . . wow. And I like how you’re showing that even though Sasuke’s body is responding, he still doesn’t like or want it. . . . Boy, that’s sad. ó.ò

Wow. I’m sorry your head hurt so badly when you wrote this. Maybe something possesses you and that’s why you write so well and why your head hurts at the same time? =) I’m liking this story a lot more now. It’s getting pretty good.
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on June 04, 2008
Chapter 4: Boy, this is rough. . . . Erm, I think the eyebrow-thing was a little much. . . . “Why? Does he think I’m pathetic or something?” Well, I hate to say it, Sasuke, but you have acted kind of pathetic around him lately. . . . I’m not exactly noticing her tone of voice either. What does it indicate? . . . . Oh. I see. I guess that’s one way to put it: state the question bluntly. . . . Still, it kind of figures that Sasuke would try to repress any sexual ideas after what Itachi did. . . . Awww. ó_ò
I wonder how things’ll fare if they live together. . . . Just answer the stupid question, Naruto, don’t give the guy a lecture. -_- . . . . I like Naruto’s question. He knew why Sasuke left, but it led into the question of “So why do you have this kind of goal?” I like it. I like the lead-in. . . . Was this one of the things you changed? Because I thought Naruto put two and two together back when he first met Itachi. (Not that I’m complaining/criticizing, mind, just an observation.) . . . . Yup. Sasuke’s scared to get close, isn’t he? . . . . Hmm. I like this conversation with the Kyuubi. I like how quietly the Kyuubi was brought into the conversation. . . . I like how Naruto just wants to go slow.

Actually, I like the subtlety of this story. It’s kinda sweet.
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on June 04, 2008
Chapter 3: (*sigh*) The villagers are really asking for it, I think. . . . Hell yeah, listen to the Hyuuga, peoples. >:D . . . . Oh my god: “Well we were just . . .” Fucking cowards. (‘Scuse me, but they made me mad.) . . . . “they don’t know anything that’s happened to you.” Like that’s ever stopped them from hissing at Naruto or Gaara. Cowards. . . . Ohhhh, so there’s more than what we know has been done to Sasuke. Hmmm . . .
Uh-oh. I think I know what’s coming. . . . Half-sibling or not, Itachi, it’s still incest. I guess he’s supposed to be a little, er, off (*taps side of head*) to put it nicely. 9.9 . . . . Uh-oh. õ.õ . . . . Jeezus, that’s got to be scary. ó.ò . . . . Whoa. O.O Itachi’s c~r~a~z~y. Did he forget that Sasuke’s a boy? O.O . . . . Yikes. That last sentence gave me chills. (*shiver*shiver*)
I like Naruto’s last line of this short scene (in the present).
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on June 04, 2008
Chapter 2: Jeez, it’s a small village! There should be more control than this! õ_õ . . . . I wouldn’t call that a “spat”. . . . Jeezus, he’s not that bad. It’s not like Sasuke’s carrying a monster inside him. So why the running and screaming? õ.ô
She’s got a point, Sasuke. Where’s the tough don’t-fuck-with-me guy I love so much? . . . . Hmm, why would Itachi come for Sasuke? . . . . Oh yeah, I forgot about that bit in the summary. . . . Holy s--! O.O Itachi’s got the hots for Sasuke?! . . . . Wow, that was a great way to end the chapter, I think. Leaves us readers something to think about.
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on June 04, 2008
(I review as I read.)

Chapter 1: Hate to start off with something . . . not-quite-positive, but it’s “lightning” not “lightening”. (*sweat*) . . . . Naruto’s private musings are interesting.
Interesting image of Sasuke just sitting there quietly on the bed. . . . Though the fact that he’s not responding due to guilt seems a little odd. I know he’s the type to mope, though.
Oh, that was nice of Tsunade.
Ah . . . he probably just didn’t want to talk in front of the people he couldn’t trust. That makes sense. . . . Sasuke seems . . . a little pathetic so far. I thought he’d be a little more ornery than this.
Report Review
From Niiro on July 11, 2007
GREAT STORY!! I swear you read my mind!! Everything happened perfectly. I was searching for a fic just like this one!! And I'm so glad you wrote it! Great job!! Loved it!!
Report Review