Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for A Foxes Love

By : oberlisk

From digiron91 on March 08, 2010
I love this story. The plot is really good and draws you in. Would it be possible to get emails when new chapters are posted? My email is digiron91@hotmail.com.
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From butterflies1974 on June 16, 2009
I like this story. I really like how you did Naruto! And getting at Sasuke like that in his mind is really cool. Thank you for a good story.
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From nm1716 on November 01, 2007
I like this view of Kyubbi. I can't wait to see what happens next. PLEASE UPDATE SOON.
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From ReflectionsOTR on August 18, 2007
I just had this scene stuck in my head Orochimaru has just performed this whole ritual that is supposed to break the 9 seals (of course this ritual which could have been done with a bucket of chicken blood has been modified so that the snake sannin can have an excuse to slaughter an orphanage full of blind/deaf/mute brats) when instead of some monstrously powerful demon appearing something else does...
~~~
The sannin is standing witin the protection circle within the outer containment circles watching the inner most circle avidly, waiting for the one who would grant him power beyond imagination. Months of work had been spent calculating the exact placement of the seals in order to allow him to control the creature feared most even among demon kind. As the last body falls its blood making it possible to charge the last seal to the brim with chakra a vortex that pierces the barriers of reality appears in the center of the seals. He gasps in horror as something begins to rise from within. Mist billows around it as it approaches the first boundry the purple monstrosity steps over it like it does not even exist its head swivels around looking for its next... victim. The poor man finally knows the meaning of fear when he meets its eyes and watches its mouth open up in malicious delight. "Oooh Goody I have a new friend! Won't you sing along with me! I Love You, You Love Me. We're a loving family..."
Several hours later the sannin finally passes out while rocking back and forth while clinging to his knees the circle that was supposed to protect him from harm only allowed him to become a captive audience. The demon council taking pity on the poor man quickly put him out of his misery before once again beginning the sealing process in the hope that he would never again be released...
~~~
The lightening flashes, thunder roars, the earth shakes, the winds pick up and the scent of brimstone fills the air. Finally everything falls calm. Grasscutter's master holds his breath as finally the fruition of years of research will com to be. As the smoke hangs within the innermost ring when a voice calls from his right hand side...
"Whatcha lookin at Doc?"
By instinct snakes are already flying at the perceived threat but nothing was there. Something taps him on his shoulder and he turns that way slowly only for his mind to not be bale to process what he was witness too. I giant six foot tall grey haired long eared anthropomorphic rabbit is standing there eating a large carrot.
Several hours later(as the last anvil fell on top of the piano that sat on top of Orochimaru) the council of demon lords have decided it would be easier just to seal off the human realm than to deal with that terror once more.
~~~
There was no sound no smoke not indication that anything happened, just one instant there was empty space and the next a small creature that looked like a black and white minature hairless three eyed monkey with some sort of tag hanging around his neck. The sannin approached the creature so as he may be able to read what it said. Just before he ceased to exist mind body and soul he was able to make out the words "My name is Nibbler"
Meanwhile on another plane of existence the demon council is in a panic... "He is going to eat us all!!!" It is quite unfortunate that the sealing jutsu could only be used that once...
~~~
It was unfortunate that the sannin could not make out the last few lines of the ancient scroll with the ritual to break the seals on it or he might have realised it was all a hoax. He felt he knew sealing jutsus well enough that he could improvise the remainder of it...
The ninja was absolutely exausted as he had just used most of his quite extensive chakra reserve to pierce the fabric of reality so as that he may be able to gain a source of ultimate power.
He closed his eyes momentarily to gather himself before he looked up so he may command the monster that he had summoned only to find himself face faulting. The only thing withing the innermost seal was a small red and white sphere that seemed to look familiar but he could not quite place it. Stretching out his senses he could detect nothing else around him so he careful approached the ball. When he went to pick it up he accidentally pressed the release button and heard something humming, by instinct he immediately threw the ball and ducked behind a tree. When there was no explosion he peaked around the tree only to see a small yellow rodent and no sphere. He threw a kunai because the thing was cute and he felt all his efforts of the past few years wasted only for it to embed itself into the ground and the rodent to be standing on it,
"Pika Pika?" it tilted its head to the side looking for all the world like it was asking a question.
The snake sannin noticed that it was standing in the middle of his finally marked seals that he had spent the last week constructing and quickly became enraged that this rat may have been the one responsible for ruining all of his efforts threw every kind of jutsu he could think of at the rat.
Yet some how when the smoke and steam cleared from his water and fire attacks it was completely unscathed. By then his frustration had mounted to the breaking point in which he for some reason decided that yelling at it might make him feel better, "Curse you! Damn rat why won't you just die!"
"Pika?"
Finally with the last of his strength (his mind already of broken slightly) he threw all of his remaining chakra into summoning Manda.
When the smoke cleared the snake took one look at its target before it was rolling on his back laughing. After several invectives and a lot of cursing the snake realized that the one he had granted his contract to had finally snapped past criminal insanity to clinical,
"You expect one of my greatness to sully himself in dealing with a runt like this?"
Unfortunately the said runt was finally loosing his cool decided that it would deal with the said idiot and his summon the only way he knew how.
"PI-KA-CHUUUU!!!" suddenly both of them found themselves uncontrollably twitching on the ground and falling into unconsciousness.
...several weeks later.
A certain blond haired genin is training in field outside the walls surrounding Konoha. He halts half way up a tree when he sees a flash of color he turns to look towards the ground only to see a small yellow thing pushing a red and white ball. He makes his way down when he sees the poor condition of the rodent and immediately decides to take him home...
"Hey little guy I have some ramen at home if you want or Kyubi-koi might be able to put something together if you like?"
"Pika?"
~~~
"Finally! The destroyer of civilizations will be mine to command!"
...he is unsure what to do with small six armed cute cuddly blue furry thing...
"My name is Stitch..."
~~~
He turns his back on the small frog that could not even be big enough to give to one of his summons
"HELLO MY BABY! HELLO MY HONEY! HELLO MY RAGTIME GAL!"
Yet when he turns back
"rrrrRRRbit"
His eye twitches
~~~
Before Orochimaru is even able to blink he finds himself having trouble breathing, "I will love him and hug him and pet him and squeeze him and I will call him George..."
~~~
+++

Ok silly-ness aside, I am half tempted to ask you to make up your mind with the story as it almost seems like you have merged two or three stories together to make it.

Point one, the scene with the learning shadow clones and the forbidden scroll and Mizuki-sensei was when he graduated from the academy (and this was age 11 or 12)... only you have him still in school after this as well as having Kyubbi joining his class. I can justify this by saying that this is an AU/AR where the shinobi have more education (probably because the hidden countries are more peaceful or some such) and that teams are not formed unless there is a need for them. Becoming genin might still be a mark for adulthood but if there were not enough missions (resulting in too many ninja) then Naruto would need money from somewhere to survive. If this were the case maybe instead of welfare checks or some such Naruto gets payments from a family trust fund or some such (because without pay for missions there would be no way that he would be able to continue school)...

Point two is there a purpose of Kyu-ni? I mean couldn't the same be done with just having Kyubbi and some advanced shadow clones? It is almost to the point that I am thinking that the two are really one and just some accident when Kyubbi was doing an experiment with seals or something.

Point three the flow of the story is disjointed, some things happen to fast, others don't have enough detail, while others seem to be added on after the fact. You have some decent ideas but can you just build on to what you already have and develop your characters a little more. For instance Kyubbi did something to Sasuke's emotions how does that change his personality compared to cannon? Naruto has developed feeling of the fox lord what about him besides the physical does he like? What about Naruto does Kyubbi like? Maybe it is something as simple as a warm feeling when Naruto gives a real smile instead of his mask or maybe it is the burst of cunning that the boy uses that allows him to survive when otherwise he might not have made it even with the fox's help. Or maybe he notices the boys determination to get something right when he applies himself.

Next you gave the warning of Anthro yet you barely scratched the potential surface what else can he do with his tails? Does Kyu ever have fun in a more fox-like form? Will Naruto also be able to shift. With animals and demons scent is a very important part of mating as is petting and touching and what not... would you make scene where Naruto explore Kyubi more thoroughly?

I can continue these all day but then again you may never even read them...

I sort of had an idea of a crossover where Naruto ends up in one of the Final Fantasy worlds (8 and 10 works best) would Kyubi become a summon or GF? And how would the 9 tail react to being out of his cage and being able to interact with his host? Would any Summoning contracts Naruto holds change because of the world? What would the FF characters think about an individual who can take various elements and merge them to make hundreds of unique attacks and what would a shinobi do if he could add things like gravity, holy, flare and ultima to hand seals. It may have already been done but I thought that considering the genres you have written in it may interest you.

Feel free to bounce any new ideas off of me if you want,
~Reflections
HarrisDaniel@hotmail.com
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From Kuromei on August 12, 2007
Veeery, veeery interesting. =3 I can't wait ofr more! X3
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From DeviousLilDevil on June 19, 2007
that was too cute. i look foward to your next update
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From HumanInfiltrator on June 19, 2007
Lemon next?
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From kati on June 15, 2007
wow! you update really fast! ^^ great chapter but i'm a bit confused...things are a little hazy, i can't quite understand what you were writing because of grammar errors...maybe its just me. i could BETA this for you if you like.
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From Sagenwarrior on June 14, 2007
interesting fic. I luv the pairing hope to see more sooN!
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From kati on June 13, 2007
Awwww...it wasn't crap, it was really sweet! ^^
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From DeviousLilDevil on June 12, 2007
awww, so sweet. i eagerly look foward to the next update.
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From kati on June 10, 2007
I love your story, but you have a lot of grammer and spelling errors, maybe you could get a BETA? I love the locket idea! Its so sweet!
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From wildkit on June 09, 2007
This story is awesome.
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From ANON - Anon on June 08, 2007
This story is awesome! Please continue!!
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From DeviousLilDevil on June 07, 2007
been a while since i've seen a naruxkyuu pairing, looking foward to reading more.
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