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Reviews for Wrong Number

By : Zrina
  • From marquesgue1 on February 01, 2007
    Wow - I think you're brilliant!!! I loved the first chapter it was fantastic and Naruto was sexy as hell on that phone call - but when he found out it was Sasuke on the 1st hp I was like O_O kIBA IS SO EVIL HEHE but I loved it. And now the 2nd chp was really nicely done as well, I liked the way you wrote Sasuke's POV and his thoughts just screamed of 'Sasuke'. Anywya, it was great so I'll shut up now.

    Hope you update soon!

    Ja!
    xXxx
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  • From roely on February 01, 2007
    i do hope you write some more! i like this twist to the Naruto world!
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  • From Godsx on February 01, 2007
    That was good! Sasuke sitting there and thinking of naruto's words also trying to deny it was nice - and the part where he thinks of naruto's size.
    Also it was interesting when he thought that naruto was a happy, sunny person with a perfect past.
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  • From ANON - macy on February 01, 2007
    ooh..i wasn't expecting the chapter to end this way. interesting. i got to say, my favorite scene was Sasuke's pouting cock. That was pure genius =D
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  • From ANON - dana on February 01, 2007
    even though i always am looking for an update of the soundof dreams i don't mind an interuption for a very good reason. i consider this bombin story a very good reason. i can't wait for your next update of either story.
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  • From Touya06 on February 01, 2007
    This is really good so far.

    Good moment:
    Sasuke's hitch in his breathing when Naruto was confessing to 'him.' *Loved it!!!*

    Keep it up. I look forward to more.

    Ja!
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  • From ANON - seraphym on January 31, 2007
    I love this story! So good! You're able to get inside both of their heads so well. I can't wait to read the rest of the story! Please update soon!!!!
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  • From VRon8899 on January 31, 2007
    mmm. I love this story, I hope you keep it up!!!!! Or I will very sad -tear- :_____(
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  • From ANON - eater of cupcakes on January 31, 2007
    wow! that was awesome!! i was glued to my screen, desperately hoping it wouldn't end, but sadly it did.....so hurry up and update!!...please...your work is too good to havta wait.
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  • From BishounenKrazed on January 31, 2007
    yet another fabulous chapter. i'm really digging this story! keep up the great work!!
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  • From on January 31, 2007
    What to say? What to say? I like it--a lot. Your writing is just so lively and captivating and really draws me in.

    I can offer some constructive criticism, I suppose. I thought that Sasuke's back story felt a little forced. Actually the whole first scene felt forced. It wasn't as lively as the first chapter or the second half of this chapter. The build up of Sasuke's emotions and contemplations pales considerably to Naruto's; he's thinking about a 'certain dream' and 'pale toned abs' while trying to sex up a girl he thinks he likes. That is very poignant and strong. However, Sasuke...I dunno if I can put my finger on it. I know I felt like the transition into Sasuke's viewpoint (and therefore chapter 2) seemed like it was missing something. The beeping and the prerecorded message was good. The reflection on not wanting to go in the shower with him was good, the making of the turkey sandwich was good. I almost wonder if you could take out the back story? Or shorten it? Or portray it with more concrete details? Hmm...I'm not sure exactly. Like I said, I can't quite put my finger on it.

    The second half, though, with the eavesdropping, was very good. Wait...I think maybe I've got it. So when you write from Naruto's viewpoint, we get inside his head, we hear him muttering to himself. We know what he's visualizing while he's on the phone. We don't get into Sasuke's head nearly so much. We really don't have a concrete sense of what Sasuke is thinking or what's floating about in that noggin of his. You hint! You do hint. But it's not as thorough as Naruto. It gives me a sense of imbalance between the two...I think you could definitely play around with this chapter...tweak it a bit here and there, add more concrete details, more of Sasuke's inner workings (though no more than you do for Naruto in the first chapter).

    Got this fresh from my writing workshop just today:

    "Writing is rewriting what you have rewritten." ~Paul Engle

    There! An official(ish) critique!

    You can update now, yes?

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  • From ladygizarme on January 31, 2007
    kyaa i love this! (knowing how i love your writing, i'm not that surprised :p) ooh kiba was so sneaky! i love how naruto kept having to try to force himself to think of sakura while he was on the phone. and then sasuke's own reactions afterwards made me giggle. i especially loved: If Uzumaki was currently entertaining thoughts of shoving his endowment up Sasuke’s ass, then perhaps he should be concerned with the size.

    heheh, indeed, sasuke...

    oh yeah, and the line about his cock pouting at the thought of sakura lol

    and when sasuke overheard naruto and kiba in the locker room, i was holding my breath too! i'm glad he got to find out more about what was going on that way, before he ended up blowing up at naruto about it being a joke or not.. and i can't wait to read the next two chapters!!
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  • From yeagerbomb on January 31, 2007
    damn! i want more! more more more!! please hurry, this is really good!!~
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  • From ANON - Jadejj on January 31, 2007
    Oh my what's next?
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  • From ANON - Doodledoof on January 31, 2007
    Hahahahaha, Kiba is one sly dude. LMAO! Anyway I'll read the next chapter as soon as I stop giggling and rolling around the floor. :DD
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