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Reviews for When Mercury Mixes With Jade

By : elaynabrooks
  • From Geda on February 28, 2007
    This story has really grabbed my attention and I enjoy it very much. Please continue to write it.
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  • From ShadowsFallenAngel on February 22, 2007
    shannaro!!! update damnit!!!!!!!
    this story is so addicting. i love it (makes me wish i could write like that dangit, sorry i suffer from writers block. ...off topic....) shino is so sweet and i like the whole secret cave and aunt thing unusual but interesting.
    i beg here and now for the next chapter soon

    please *puppy pout*
    kodama~
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  • From Rianestorm on February 21, 2007
    Hey, I've been reading this since you first posted it (I just *really* suck at remembering to review) and I jus wanted to tell you it's awesome. People just don't write for Shino enough, I love him ^^

    So good job!! Update soon!
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  • From sileath on February 20, 2007
    Very nicely written. The impact of the resurfacing memories is a nice touch too.
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  • From Casey on February 07, 2007
    I've actually been meaning to read this (the title and pairing caught my attention when I saw it in the docket) but I've been so crazy-busy with my last semester of university that I've kind of abandoned all my old internet haunts. Anyway, I do really like the story--and you're right, we do have similar styles.

    Don't worry about being "too descriptive." If you like giving detailed descriptions, keep working them into your stories. Writing isn't about a "right way" v. a "wrong way," it's more about finding your own way of doing things and getting it to work. I like short, staccato sentences and lots of dialogue with few tags (because if I do it right, you should know who's talking). I write how I think, which is pretty fractured but I think that lends itself to more organic writing, making the story sound more "real."

    As far as anything constructive, I'd just say that you should probably introduce the conflict earlier on in the story. For PWPs, like "Creatures" it's easier to do away with the expected story format (intro, crescendo, climax, decrescendo, resolution) because you're pretty much just reading/writing for the smut (hehehehe). A story like this one seems more epic in nature, and while epics can take a while to develop, you need to keep your reader really, intensely interested in your story. Even if it isn't the main conflict, introduce -something- that will motivate your readers to want to -keep- reading.

    You'll also want to keep an eye on how many characters you introduce (canon or original) because they can become hard to keep track of. I have a story on FF.net under a different pen name that I've pretty much abandoned simply because I had too many characters to write for and it was detracting from the story I wanted to tell.

    I can't wait for you to update again (get a move on, Geek Squad!) I know how frustrating it is when your laptop goes down--My old laptop, Toshi, went belly up on me last year in the middle of a long night of research paper-writing and the one I have now fried its hard drive for no apparent reason on a Monday morning about a half hour before class. Good times, good times. I'm already having problems with it AGAIN because the power cord is being an obstinate brat and seems to keep the battery charged only when it feels like it, which isn't very often.

    So I'll shut up now and patiently (who am I kidding?) wait for more. :D

    PS: Thanks for the review on 'Creatures.' As far as the "Sabaku no Gaara" thing is concerned; I don't think that's his real last name. I just think he'd be the kind of person who would sign his letters "Gaara of the Desert" instead of just "Gaara" or "Kazakage." Boy has a reputation to uphold, y'know? ;)
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