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Reviews for The Nephilim

By : inkheart212
  • From HatakeHinata on December 26, 2008
    I want to know what the punishment is!!!!
    *blushes*
    Please update

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  • From JadedGothButterfly on October 22, 2008
    Update Soon! =)
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  • From JadedGothButterfly on September 08, 2008
    I,Also,Agree With TerraChrono,TO Some Extent. ^^

    But I AM Glad To Read A KakaHina Pairing.
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  • From JadedGothButterfly on September 08, 2008
    Cliffie!!!

    Kakashi Sure Is Hot.I Wonder Why He left The Room Like That?

    Update,Soon,Please!
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  • From Amarukoira on January 10, 2007
    ~Sworms you with smiles~
    I am sure ready for the next Chapter of this sotry!
    Your characters sure are on point and i could really see Lee freaking out about not having his weird jumpsuit at hand
    hAhAhAhAhA, that was a funny time, yup yup...~thinks to self~ I wouldn't mind see Lee without the suit in any way.
    ~Laughs Evily, while rubbing hands together~
    No, i wouldn't mind that at all.
    DAMIMIT...I WAS GOING TO BE ANON. BUT I'M ALREADY SIGHNED IN....YOU WOOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN IT WAS ME!
    DAMN ME FOR SIGNING IN....DAMN ME!

    Anyways since you know its me...uh....grea chpter...seriously it took me weeks to read it but i did and i like it...better than my lazy nasty boring piece of paper i call a fanfic...LOL...yeah....write some more sweet darling and the Lee and Gaara love child will visit you and place Naruto fic ideas under your pillow.
    MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...HA...H............HA *coughs twice* ha
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  • From ANON - dark angel-justice on January 02, 2007
    Continue Soon,with this fic cause you don't see alot Kak/Hinata pairing. And your is pretty good. Just my opion take it or leave it.


    Chow.
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  • From ANON - TerraChrono on January 02, 2007
    Uh... What's going on? Your story seems very disjointed. What's the setting? You make no note of what the meet had been about, you mention Gaara as though he would be attending what sounds like a meeting that would not have involved nin from other countries, and then you have everyone in what seems like a college setting with the mention of a courtyard, a curfew, and dorm rooms, not to mention having people (namely Kiba and Hinata) regarding the Hokage as some kind of abstract judicial force, kind of like how principals and teachers are portrayed in teen-centered fiction. Is this an Alternate Reality story (in which case you should put a story tag in your summary, usually AU), an epilogue to the events of the main storyline, or is it within the regular Naruto universe (If this story is based off of the most recent Naruto material, a spoiler disclaimer should be included for that as well)? If it IS an Alternate Reality piece (which all evidence seems to point to), then the setting and circumstances of the characters needs to be elaborated upon for the benefit of the reader. Although your grammar seems to be fine, your story is clumped into giant blocks that vaguely resemble paragraphs, and it seems the only reason you even broke those down is because each block is meant to contain a specific scene. Whenever you start a dialogue, or having the characters talking aloud, it's important to separate the sentence from the rest of the paragraph once it begins, unless the sentence is preceded by another 'dialogue' sentence from the same speaker. Here's an example: (paragraph break here) "What did you do this weekend?" He asked. "I tried calling you, but you never answered." (paragraph break here) "Sorry about that," she replied, "but I had to go south on family business." (paragraph break here) "Oh, really?" (Paragraph break here) "Yes, really." Using this dialogue structure, it's much easier for the reader to read the story because the dialogue is ordered and sequential, allowing them to easily keep track of the speaker and the listener of the dialogue. Overall, your piece suffers from a common ailment known as Inexperience. The only way you can cure this is by applying the advice you receive to chapters and pieces you write in the future. You are welcome to accept or deny anything and everything noted here, and dramatic license is on your side. If you have any questions e-mail me at the address provided, or post a queston on the review board.

    Keep up the effort.
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