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Reviews for Inbred

By : ClaireBear
  • From ANON - Dim Song on December 25, 2006
    nice hoping for more nar/hina plz keep it up
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  • From ANON - Angst on December 23, 2006
    So far, so good. Nice introduction. Looking at the summary and first chapter I'm very curious to see what happens in this story, it looks interesting.
    One thing, show don't tell. don't tell us Naruto is a pervert after Jiraiya's heart, but show us. Perhaps he has a collection of Jiraiya's smut or playboys that he snuck into his suitcase.
    Try to have the characters act out a behavioral trait, don't just tell us their trait. If someone is stuffy and boring you can have them talk in a monotone vopice with a blank face. Okay, I hope my review will be helpful to you.
    Please continue.
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