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Reviews for Untrusting

By : OceanBlue
  • From ANON - Izzy on December 15, 2006
    i want it to be sasuke!!!!!! sounds like is could be shino because of the bug but... i want it to be sasuke!!!!! hehe, i love agest with lots of fluff, and i love just fluff the best X3 plzzzz make it sasuke plzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!
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  • From ANON - ochiba on December 15, 2006
    I think it's a cool concept! A bit rushed though. I'd recommend changing the last line about the question of Naruto's unwillingless. Because of the drugs he doesn't remember anything, he was never given a chance to consent, he was drugged and kidnapped, and his demon was blocked... That's rape... and pretty hardcore. It'll take some imagination strong muscle (which I'm sure you have ^_^) to convince the readers that Naruto can honestly forgive his rapist much less become a willing participant in a future lemon. This is where it sounded like your fic is going with the last line, so please forgive if I've guessed wrongly. Again, questioning Naruto's willingness at the end leads to this assumption, and it seems a bit naive to think for a moment Naruto would have any doubts.
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  • From ANON - Bookworm51485 on December 15, 2006
    For a first fic it's not bad. Better than a lot of other first attempts I've seen. Your spelling/grammar is pretty good, but I'd still recommend finding a beta to catch some of the errors you might miss and also maybe to be someone you bounce ideas off of and who can help you keep your storyline realistic.

    And in response specifically to the last part, if he was unconcious then yes it was rape. There's no willing or not willing if there's no choice given. And the presence or absence of bleeding shouldn't be used to decide whether or not rape occurred or not. There are people who've bled during concensual sex and I'm sure there have been those who haven't bled during noncensensual sex.
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