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Reviews for Angelic Demons

By : Yurichan
  • From ANON - Brikay on November 18, 2006
    Your story is pretty cool,Yuki. I'm a Gaara/ Naruto fan so I like any fanfiction dealing with those two pairings! Will you continue writing this story? Hope so! And you should. See ya!
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  • From ANON - Shosuro on November 14, 2006
    Ok ok ok
    I like the story so far, but there are somethings that could be fixed.
    The other reviews pretty much sums it up but I also wanted to put in that your transitions from chapter to chapter is kind of off. Meaning that its sometimes confusing and you have to re-read the chapter to understand what is going on.
    You might want to go into detail how you get Naruto into these situations.
    I like that you have Naruto with Gaara and Sasuke and now NEJI!!!
    Its too good!!
    Can't wait until you update.

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  • From ANON - billy on November 14, 2006
    I know I seem to be begging a lot but continue PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE T_T
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  • From ANON - crossXXmyXXheart on November 14, 2006
    all i have to say is i love this! and ofcorse update!
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  • From ANON - billy on November 14, 2006
    PLEASE KEEP GOING(I wanna know what happens next)
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  • From ANON - Luthien Wildglen on November 13, 2006
    Alright, interesting chapter, I'll say that. However, your chapters are EXTREMELY short, and therefore it seems like you are trying to pack a lot of information into maybe… two pages at best. Although this style can be highly effective, right now it feels like I'm watching a movie in fast forward mode.

    My advice is to not be afraid to develop the characters and plotline more. Add some of the detail about a characters thoughts, appearance, and surroundings that you considered to mundane to include. I understand wanting to keep a certain amount of mystery to the fic, but you have to remember, the fic is a mystery to the reader already because we’re not in your head. Also, just because everyone knows who Gaara and Sasuke and Naruto are from the manga, doesn’t mean everyone knows your interpretation of the characters, or of their surroundings. Other than that, I say keep going. I’m pretty sure you said this is your first fic so naturally it’s going to be a learning process. My best wishes for you and your writing.


    Dryad1789@hotmail.com
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  • From ANON - Ladybug452000 on November 13, 2006
    You have my attention! now update soon
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  • From on November 12, 2006
    ^o^ You caught my attention. Seems like it'll have a good story line. I'm excited to see what awaits Naruto.
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  • From ANON - Aidis on November 12, 2006
    interesting
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  • From ANON - billy on November 12, 2006
    Very good story so far. Can you please continue
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  • From ANON - billy on November 12, 2006
    Very good story so far. Can you please reveiw
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  • From ANON - HellzAngel on November 12, 2006
    Loved this chapter, great starting point, can't wait for the next chapter. Curious about how Naruto nearlly died. Anyway, please update soon, so wanna know what happens next.
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  • From ANON - Devils-Advocate3 on November 12, 2006
    O wow I love the way you described naruto. Lol ^^ I love naruto so much. Trust me when you were describing him, Hell I was Drooling.............and..........(blush)........and maybe a little.....
    'blushing like a ripe tomato'
    (glare)a little lusting.......
    'lie'
    ....Ok, ok......maybe I was lusting.....a lot...
    'if she turns more red she will explode, like a volcano'.
    Shut up you stupid mind of mine your suppose to be on my side...
    'O well'
    ....Well I blame the author.....I mean if they didn't make naruto so....so........
    'blushing.....again'
    so damn hot.......
    'god she's day dreaming'
    no I'm not..
    'ya sure your not'
    Anyway.......back to the story (you ass).
    'You do realizes your not only getting mad at yourself, but your also talking To yourself.....'
    So ass long as I don't start answer myself, then I don't see the problem....
    -_-.......'but you are answering yourself......'
    O ya your right. ^^ Lol
    'idiot'
    Shut up. Besides I actually, I prefer the term mentally insane then to retarded..(huh).
    'ya ok whatever you say'
    Anyway I just wonted to say great story really I am so loving it. LOL ^_^ and as for sasuke? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Lol I cant wait to see what he does to naruto. ^^ yaoi!! ha ha And I wonder when gaara terns up. Ha ha ha ass well as what he says and thinks about sasuke coming on to HIS naruto! Lol (squeals) I can't wait. ^^ you must update soon ok. Update, update, update. Please update soon. Ha ha I can't wait. anyway hope to see you
    soon.......O say bye mind
    'what? why? this does not involve me’
    cause I said so. now say bye
    'fine whatever. Um ya Latter. and um see you soon I guess'
    Yay lol bye-bye
    Kisses ^_~
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  • From ANON - hehe on November 12, 2006
    droooll hehehe i cant wait for the next chap :)
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  • From ANON - Luthien Wildglen on November 11, 2006
    Alright, I like the way you portrayed Naruto. I prefer him to be older and more mature as opposed to ridiculously obnoxious and oblivious.

    However, in the interest of constructive criticism, I do have a few suggestions. First of all, you need to work on your punctuation, particularly in regards to the use of the comma. You have a lot of run-on sentences that become confusing. I would say that you either need to break the sentences down to simpler forms or you need to put commas in there from time to time.

    Secondly, your grammar could use a bit of work. Writers don’t usually realize how important grammar is, but the reality of the situation is that if you want your readers to be able to understand your writing, you need to have good grammar.

    Now, if you aren’t the best at grammar than that’s fine. All that means is that you need a beta reader, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you know of someone that can beta your work for you then I highly suggest you ask them to do it. However if you don’t know anyone there is a beta sub-category where you can post a request. If you’d like I could even beta a chapter or two for you. Regardless though, I would say to continue this fic. It’s interesting and I’d like to see where you take it. My best wishes for you and your writing.


    Dryad1789@hotmail.com
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