Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for Waking

By : Taes

From Vague on February 29, 2008
Hey there, I was reading your story and found that you have amazing talent as an author. This is why I am taking some time to invite you over to my website Laefe E-Publishing. I’m looking for young talented authors who have it in them to make creative original works.

I know that you will automatically think that this might be a scam so to help ease your worries you can either check out my own profile on this site so you can see that I am the real deal, or you can add me to Windows Live Messenger that you can ask me any questions that may come to your mind.

Laefe is a new online epublishing and you are among the first group of authors invited over to the site. I hope that you will consider it. You can find Laefe at http://itsuwari.com/bookstore/. My name is Emilia Baptiste, you can call me Emi when we talk on msn @ waterempath@hotmail.com. All the information you will need will be on the website and anything that is not clear you can ask me.

All I ask is that you give Laefe a look and see if it might be where you would like to further progress in your quest to writing your ultimate story. Thank you for your time and I do hope to hear from you soon.

Emi Baptiste
Admin of Itsuwari.com and Laefe Epublishing.

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From ANON - blisblop on December 29, 2006
Just incredable.One of the best here, no doubt.
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From ANON - wtf on November 18, 2006
Holy Crap That Was CONFUSING O__O;;
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From ANON - Me-chan on November 16, 2006
Read it. Awesome.
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From ANON - kiizu on November 15, 2006
It is psychedelic; this reads like a mist, sort of wreathing and alluring and not quite tangible. It makes me feel as if the words are butterflies, dancing past when I try and reach out. Does that makes sense?

I like the way the bits of... verse? are woven in because there's both the effective enjambment and effect of poetry and the starker reality of prose.

You don't really say it, or at least you didn't in the chapter before this but it struck me how Naruto's become so strong. But at the same time he's older, jaded, and it's painful but it seems somehow necessary. (And then I feel that it should never be necessary to grow up.)

And Sasuke... Sasuke, disoriented, and he doesn't know, and he leaps into a fight with Naruto. And their fights are necessary, too, because they're practically defined by fighting and this situation - but there's an overwhelming feeling that this isn't something that ought to happen.

I wish I wasn't the kind that never wants fights to last long as well as being the kind who likes(?) reading angst and things because it's so awfully conflicting.

Um. I have rambled terribly, I see. In short, I love the way you write, and the UST chapter is gorgeous, really. I'll have to agree, the dead last idiot bit is so... painful, actually. Impactful.
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From ANON - kitsukikun on November 15, 2006
You know, I read this days ago, and just now got over my laziness to try and leave a coherent review... well, I'm trying at least.
In general, I love the identity crisis. =) I have those usually, but I like it in the story. maybe sasuke can be a kaleidoscope, too!!! Ah, and he presses it upon Naruto with the angel/devil dichotomy... and the continual mention of eyes. Very pretty... and heartbreaking. I can really feel Sasuke's frustration, especially as he loses to the dead last idiot... either that or I'm just anxious. =)
"just as the cloud is really only water" I think is my favorite line, especially in relation to the mistress of the smoke and fog. I wonder if it could be nice instead of saying "Smoke would claim me as hers" saying "The smoke would claim me as hers" I think your readers would still get the point, but I think it sets up a prettier metaphor. But whatever, your way is also nice.
Um the fighting and dancing, yeah. I like that, too. Rotting (gross but effective) I love the word sultry. And the marionette with no strings... Sasuke has never been more than a puppet. Except now one of the puppet masters has been killed (what of the other, I wonder... you have yet to mention anything of Itachi, right?) Ooo "blur in my mouth" that's nice. Way better than slur. Um... there's something I don't like with the line "lusciously found out" I don't think it's the preposition that bugs me this time... =) I'm just not sure about the phrase "found out" It's just kinda clumsy. dunno, you could leave it.
Um yeah, so this is probably the pooyest review ever, and not even remotely coherent. Sorry. Dunno what is wrong with my brain. I blame you, because this chapter makes me too anxious to think clearly. =)

Dood! I just caught the review above mine (I don't usually read the other reviews, it feels kinda like I'm spying or something) anyway, it totally does read like a trippy beatles song. All about newspaper taxies and look to the girl with the sun in her eyes... (and she's gone) you know, I think I've referenced Lucy twice now in my reviews of this story... but I love that song.
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From ANON - forochel on November 15, 2006
Okay. So Sasuke's confused, his narrative reads like some psychedelic Beatles song and I'm really really confused too.

.
.
.

Congratulations. ^^"

Oh, oh! But the random 'dead last idiot' thrown in cut just so, because...because... because I'm a sentimental old foppy and things.
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From ANON - x on November 15, 2006
D8!!!! Brilliant~~! Sasuke's thoughts are mixed between hatred and love and obsession...It really shows how confused he really is after orochimaru was gone. *__* Lovely~~
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From ANON - kuu_ish on November 15, 2006
Rawr.. I love your writing. You are made of love and win. -gives you presants and huggles-
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From ANON - ayonoi on November 15, 2006
Guahh, so good even if it is short. I liked how confused and jumbled Sasuke's thoughts were, his feelings torn because he isn't sure whom he is anymore oh but he sure knows how Naruto makes him feel. Love, hate, anger, regret, relief, all there for him in that whirlpool of emotion. And the grey girl can only die, and to be honest, that is okay because there is no place for her between them, that is very certain.

After I read the last chapter, I was wondering how you were going to integrate all the injuries that Naruto cleans as the original chapter of the Round Robin opens. This is really great because it ties it well. I can't wait for Naruto's side, as usual, he is the boy that I follow and feel the most for.

*huggles* You are the best, I love it when I find something from you.
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From ANON - hitsufangurl on November 13, 2006
I read it...lol, no really I've been keeping up with the updates, its different and I like it that way. REALLY COOL STORY!!! Good job and update soon!! ;o)
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From ANON - kamikazekage on November 11, 2006
Beautiful, and strangely confusing, with the Sasu-oroness, but it's to be expected, eh? I had to re-read a couple of parts (to make sure I was understanding right), but the general feel of this chapter is very gossamer,ethereal. I like it a lot!
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From ANON - kitsukikun on November 11, 2006
I'll have you know, this chapter knocked me right out of my chair. It’s a hazard, I tell you. Did you know fiction could make you sustain bodily injury? =) Actually, the chair fell right to pieces, but what are you going to do? Am I really that fat?

All exercise resolutions aside, this really was a lovely chapter. Ambiguous. I am particularly taken with the way in which you portray the curious conundrum of the pleasure/pain dichotomy. I’m a fairly new face to the world of fanfiction and the subsequent porn that ensues, but what I have read seems to read a bit like… well, if the character wants the sex, then it’s mostly about the pleasure, if not, than the author focuses on the pain. Here’s an interesting snippet where both scenarios coincide. You’ve very convincingly painted the intersection of pain and pleasure that would likely supercede such a situation. The juxtaposition of words like “terrible and pleasurable,” and the pleas “hold me, break me, bleed me bare and dry,” play no small part in the composition of an ambiguous dyad.

I also think, in conjunction with many poets before you, you’ve managed to make the ‘illicit’ ‘classy’. Though the girly porn one usually stumbles across in circles like this certainly serves a useful purpose, (or so says my undergrad thesis) I wouldn’t classify this as outright porn. Though this isn’t nearly as encoded as, for example, “Crimson is the slow smolder of the cigar end I hold,” (Carl Sandburg, I believe) it retains a sense of the erotic in the suggestion. Need I say something about ambiguity for the third time?
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From ANON - forochel on November 11, 2006
Er, yes. Damn.

SAAASUUUUKEEEEE~
T_______________T

Okay. That will be the end of my useless comments. *brainded*
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From ANON - ayonoi on November 11, 2006
Naruto's thoughts are very lucid despite all the pain that he is going through and I think the moment he decides it is time for him to put his plan in action is when it is Sasuke's real soul that looks down on him as he violates him again. I don't know if this is something that might come up in the actual RR or if it came up already, did Sasuke feel really guilty about the rape? I know it wasn't really *him* but Orochimaru inside his body but still, I think some of that might linger. I guess I must go and reread the original RR now (I have read that at least 3 times already, I love it so much!)

Also, intimacy between those two might be a little difficult at first for Naruto and Sasuke when they are together. I think Naruto will have to differentiate between Orochimaru and Sasuke despite the same body. I think probably Sasuke will be a little softer, much like Neji was (and will he ever find out who really was Naruto's first?). I have to admit I am a sucker for jealous Neji or Sasuke, those two would be very possessive of Naruto if they got with him. But then, now there is no real questions of first anyway because even if Naruto would not have slept willingly with Neji to train, the Orochimaru would have ripped it cruelly from him.

I really liked all the parts where Naruto activates the jutsu and when Naruto pulled Orochimaru out of Sasuke's body. How he went into the Kyuubi's cage where only *one* survives. Ohhh I hope it is painful >:) I also think that Kyuubi heard poor Naruto tell him not to heal his wounds. I wonder what the fox inside Naruto was thinking, what did he think about the physical abuse and the pleads of his vessel not to heal him as he needed his own blood and what happened to Orochimaru in the cage *evil grin*. Ohhh that would be so fun XD.

Little detail that liked that even when hysteria was taking Naruto over, he had the energy to feel modest as to their nakedness and lewd position. Only Naruto, thank you for keeping that part of him there.

*hugs* Thank you for this part, it makes me yearn for more but it also makes me yearn for an ending that keeps them together. It might not be a happy ending but an ending where at least, they love each other and that is knowledge enough.

I love your writing. I don't mind how long it took. Now, you can ask ANYTHING from me in written form or a doujinshi. I will give it toooo youuuuu. XD
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