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Reviews for Forsaken

By : Lyndsay
  • From ANON - Anon on July 18, 2008
    Chapter 2: He’s eeeevilllll. . . . Nice detail: “feeling the warmth of the blood beginning to seep into his sandals [. . .]” Gruesome. . . . I also like the descriptions of the Mangekyou Sharingan and Tsukiyomi. I especially like the use of the “now-familiar tug, as he pulled the boy into the deep recesses of the tsukiyoumi.” Very well-done. It gives a vivid feeling to it. . . . Love the dark erotica of the scene. . . . Whoopsie: “his own cobalt eyes shining in arousal” Cobalt is kind of light/medium blue. Sasuke’s eyes are black, though some stretches may say grey, but they’re definitely not blue. . . . It’s sad how much Sasuke loves his brother . . . and Itachi’s so evil . . . :heart: (damn heart isn’t working) . . . . “And everything faded back into grey.” Wow, that’s cruel. Itachi seems to be a natural at turning pleasure into pain. He can easily convince someone that pleasure = pain. . . . Oh my god, it was on his birthday? Lord, that’s cruel. It seemed a little much; truth be told, I think it was better if it hadn’t been on his birthday; seems more comprehensible.

    ‘Kay, I thought the first part was better, but this wasn’t bad either.
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  • From ANON - Anon on July 16, 2008
    (I review as I read.)

    Chapter 1: Nice opening description. . . . I like the play of realization across Sasuke’s face. . . . I like this dark erotic description . . . and how you made Sasuke show how he’s intimidated by Itachi. . . . “Little Sasuke.” I haven’t heard that one before. I like it. . . . “Such unnecessary things as moral boundaries [. . .]” Good use of that. It makes sense. He didn’t let moral boundaries prevent him from killing his own kin, why should it stop him from having sex with it? . . . . I like this line: “Little brother, I can see the fear in your eyes.” You led up to that line really well, so it didn’t sound corny or overused or thrown out there. It was in context. . . . Itachi’s using the s~l~o~w movements to add to the intimidating effect. It’s working. It brings in a lot of anticipation and it gives the reader time to visualize what’s going on. I can very clearly picture the movements and the pauses in between. . . . Clever line: “No need to expose himself as fully as his brother was exposed.” Itachi knows the meanings of power and place, and he knows how to use and show them. . . . (!) That surprised me; they had done this before. . . . Itachi’s really good at those pointed remarks; his use of the word “weak” to Sasuke . . . he knows how to really demean Sasuke. I’m impressed. . . . I also like how Sasuke reacts to it. Not in shame, but in anger. He holds onto that anger as a booster. He’s also probably trying not to give Itachi his consent to make him feel inferior. (Yeah, quoting Eleanor Roosevelt there.) . . . . Hang on. You mentioned earlier that Itachi and Sasuke messed around when they were younger. But now: “Years of Orochimaru’s companionship had taken away from any chance of that kind of innocence remaining.” Did that mean that while ‘Rochi-kun was in the Akatsuki, he messed around with Itachi and maybe taught him a few things? . . . . Say, how old are they in this fic? . . . . What I find a bit unusual about this story is that it’s going v~e~r~y s~l~o~w~l~y. A lot of rape scenes are fast and rough, and other times they’re almost slow, but not as slow as this. This way it gets dragged out and the reader can feel all the anticipation and fear. (It’s not realistic, but who wants that when we can enjoy this, lol.) . . . . Something else I like about this story is how it’s completely from Itachi’s POV. And yet, we get a reasonable image of how Sasuke’s feeling. I like how this story’s able to do that without switching POVs. . . . It’s scary how Itachi remembers “the last time [they] were together like this.” What’s scary about it is how he’s using that to get to Sasuke. It’s hard to deny truth that you’ve witnessed firsthand. . . . I wonder what made Sasuke give in, finally. . . . Ah, the Mangekyou. While Itachi was using it, it was a little hard for me to understand, but that changed once he stopped using it and Sasuke was brought back to reality. He used more of a comfort as a weapon. Whatever it was that Sasuke was experiencing and for how long, it might’ve been more pleasant than reality; that was the seduction. And once he gave his consent to the seduction, he was brought back to reality, and discovers with a shock the truth of it all. Another betrayal. . . . (*shiver*) That line about Orochimaru scared me.

    Oh yeah, this one was a good one. Well-written and paced.
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  • From Hotnspicyfox on October 18, 2007
    This story is just amazing. Pants-tinglingly amazing.
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  • From ANON - rantinglunatic on October 23, 2006
    BURN! XD sorry, but it had to be said! i loved the happy birthday line! i'm probably going to quote that.... awesome story by the way!
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  • From ANON - Sekre on October 18, 2006
    Interesting so far ^^
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  • From ANON - Misa on October 17, 2006
    Oh, I liked both chapters quite a lot ^^. Really neat well-written Uchihacest. It's not ~that~ common, but I simply adore it :3
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  • From ANON - blisblop on October 17, 2006
    What a prick.So how "powerful" is his container that he has to crawl after the boy to torment him over and over,"pot calling the kettle black" I'd say?Foolish man!The sex is good,the descriptions of Sasuke are sweet.Couldn't you give Sasuke some little revenge on this fool who can't even see the worth of what he had?He will never have it again ,he only has one brother and he isn't who he was either,tricking a child,even if you are a child is easy,being loved truly and desired also and by a child is sooooo rare.....like I said ,the mans an idiot.I am not flaming by the way,I just have an emotional responce to this fic and that is one of the points of writing i guess?
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  • From ANON - Uchihagurl925 on October 03, 2006
    Dude, no matter how many times I read this, it always manages to make me sweat. Soooooo uberly good. Dude. So, write more to the story and we'll all be able to enjoy the next part. Hehe.

    I kill you/ You kill me/ We're all on a killing spree with a great big BOOM and a kick from me to you/ Oh look I just killed you, too

    Uchiha out!
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  • From ANON - ~ME~ on September 25, 2006
    Ooooh, that was dark and delicious.
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  • From ANON - Hestia on September 13, 2006
    Oh good--feel free to just change it into a longer story with multiple chapters if you want also--it's a good one! I look forward to the new section!

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  • From promise2003 on September 13, 2006
    You had me at your Author Notes when talking about the magnificence of Uchihacest. :) A really good one-shot. I liked it a lot.
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  • From ANON - tallia on September 02, 2006
    ^^ heh. i feel bad for sasuke but... that was hot. nice job.
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  • From ANON - BrucesGirl on August 29, 2006
    So many hits and only 3 reviews. Ugh. Don't you just hate freeloaders? ;) Hey, I loved this oneshot. I'm not much on Uchihacest but I love psychological mind fucks, and this definitely qualifies as one. I might suggest that you look up some psychological torture devices and maybe incorporate those into the next story you write. It would make the bad guy very hateable and make the story erotic at the same time.

    Great job! If I had a favorites list, this would be on it. Bravo!
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  • From sris on August 23, 2006
    Yay for uchihacest. *waving small uchihacest flags* That was HOT! Itachi being such a bastard and breaking Sasuke. Good for him ^__^ I'd like to read more from you, but I don't like SasuNaru or pairings with Sasu (except uchihacest yay!) or Naru... I like your writing style.
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  • From antagonist on August 22, 2006
    wah... i do believe i will never think the same way about the word "broken" ever again... honest to god... sasuke sounded almost like a horse. XD ... haha. not exactly an uchihacest fan... (*hides behind SasuNaru banner*) ... but it's not my fault that ItaSasu tends to be hot, ne?

    i don't think i've ever seen so many Aa's in my LIFE.

    Aa... well. nicely done. just a few spelling errors and misused words here and there. nothing a good once over can't fix.
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