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Reviews for Rise of a Kage

By : russianrocket
  • From LordDeadpool on July 22, 2009
    Dude Please update this
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  • From on February 09, 2008
    update damn it
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  • From on January 11, 2008
    come on update....its been over a year
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  • From on January 11, 2008
    update damn it
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  • From pats on October 14, 2007
    whoa....there is no way hinata is going to love gaara after this....the torture man....the torture.....i hope the konoha nins arrive in time!! anyways, i wonder why gaara chose hinata in the first place?? my best guess would be that she was at the wrong place at the wrong time!!

    anyways, nice one with the branding of 'Ai' at hinata's forehead....like gaara....gaara has a serious need for counselling....yeah yeah....

    oh yeah, great job with the fic....i likey!!
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  • From on August 30, 2007
    UPDATE DAMN IT
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  • From on August 28, 2007
    good story, update soon
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  • From on July 31, 2007
    much better with chapter 5
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  • From serenagold on May 16, 2007
    ok... what? where the hell did this chapter come from? :/
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  • From serenagold on May 15, 2007
    love the new title. ^^
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  • From Stacy on May 14, 2007
    All I can say is DAMN!! No wait.......I can say more.....well....no...just DAMN!!! This reminds me of a movie that I saw. I can't remember the name but, this guy had an obsession with this lady and so he kidnapped her and cut off her arms and legs.
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  • From on May 14, 2007
    chapter 5 SUCKS! how could you do that?
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  • From serenagold on May 14, 2007
    I would like to take a moment to critically review this thing, aside from the one phrase exclamation I did before.

    Your story is dark -- which can be a very good thing. The concepts are extremely disturbing and violent and this is a story that could really take a lot of turns from the series and go somewhere really cool. Its perfectly fine to take alot of liberties with the characters and the world, but you need to take a step back and establish your setting.

    When I first started reading this, I was completely thrown back at how out of character it all was. I mean Hinata was fine, but then Gaara came out of nowhere and was so OOC that I was thrown out of the story. It really made no sense. Also, throughout the story you've given the reader no sense of WHY all this was happening. It seemed like pointless rape without a plot. You have some intreguing elements that could really turn this into a fantastic story. The underground training caves and vast sand army that exist without the Fire Country's knowledge makes for an interesting development. I also like the added touch of the Sand having their own language. The concept of making the two countries suprise enemies in which both Naruto and Gaara would having to fight, demons bared, is also a great idea. I'd like to see you develop them futher.

    My suggestions... try going back and establishing more of a setting and time frame for when the story takes place. An evil Gaara and fearsome Sand Army might be interesting if it took place prior to the Chuunin exam where they all originally met in the story. At that time, Gaara was still quite the evil, isolated, and disturbed young man who 'might' do something like that. During that time frame, he was still very much a weapon of the Sand and such actions would seem fitting (allowing their monster to take a promenant member of the village and having his way with her as a declaration of war). Of course, if you did this, then Tsunande would not be Hokage in this story and the relationships between the characters in Konoha would be different. If you chose to put the story later on in the time frame (allowing Tsunande to be there and Naruto to have more of a connection with Hinata and having more skills), then I suggest you go back and put a bit of a back story mentioning what had happened between the village and perhaps something different that happened at the last Chunnin exams (different from the original story) that might make the relations between the Sand and Konoha, or Gaara's current personality, seem plausable. ALso, another thing that irked me in the story was how open and nonchalant Tsunande and Naruto were about talking about the Kyuubi infront of everyone. You should have atleast made it a shocking relevation to everyone that Naruto was outted as the fox infront of all his friends. More resistance and insecurtity on Naruto's part aswell. Of course, these are just suggestions. Its up to you to choose what the parameters of your story are and who plays what part.

    I hope you do take the chance to go back and develop this story further. You've definatly got some great (and truely dark) concepts playing out in this story regarding rape and degredation. However, when you mention such strong and impacting elements, there should be reprocussions. I hope you'll think on it more and if you do, I will look forward to what you put out in the future. Until then, I will have to agree with the others that in its current form, the story is subpar. (Also, think of a better title! ALthough, I haven't published anything on this site yet, so I don't know if you are able to modify such a thing.)

    Best of luck!
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  • From serenagold on May 14, 2007
    OH MY GOD.



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  • From PersephoneXJezabel on May 09, 2007
    I love it...Its very well done. The master/slave dynamic is well done. Please continue
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