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Reviews for After the pain

By : Legilmyth

From riversan on March 23, 2011
After a long while I checked this story again, and a new chapter!! I hope you have time to update because this complex plot is starting to come together!
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From ANON - duze on March 17, 2011
OMG - most epic book ever even if its not done yet! i just spent the last 22Hrs reading it from beginning to end. and i have to say that i have never been so drawn into a story in years. I think I felt every range of emotion from out rage at the kyubbi's fan girls to absolute tears at the loneliness and sadness facing naruto with the loss of his son. the white chakra twist was brilliant and the fear in, of, and for kakashi is almost to the point where i felt like it was going to overpower my heart and id just break down into panic (love that guy), the love that has been slowly growing between naruto and temari is just so beautiful i cant even start to describe how it makes me feel. its almost as if it started to fill a void in my heart i didn't even know i had. i cant wait to see how kakashi either recovers or passes on but it seems with every new turn of events the two love birds who try and ignore there own love and needs are continually getting closer and i just cant wait to see how it all turns out i can just feel greatness seeping out of the pages. who or what ever your muse is is a god send because this is truly EPIC. praise be to the writer and any and all musing aids that be i will be checking back i think daily to see if another chapter of this great story because i desperately want to know how it unfolds and ultimately ends.

your ever appreciative and god smacked reader

Duze

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From statnin on January 20, 2011
Fair enough. atleast note that ur critisim is for constructive purposes. im 20. nd male ;) ejoyed the splash but ill catch ya later
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From SSShitstorm on January 20, 2011
"I'm not an old women like you"

And just how old ARE you? I seriously doubt I'm much older, but with your "outstanding" grasp of the English language I'm starting to doubt you made it past third grade. How is that even a legitimate excuse?

And you don't HAVE to MEET a female ninja to know they're supposed to be able to stand on their own two feet after a crisis. It's what they're TRAINED for. If a chick crumbles under pressure or mental stress than she's not much of a ninja. I always admired Temari for being so objective and non-nonchalant about everything, much unlike the rest of the female cast. Compared to Sakura, Hinata, or Ino she definitely stands out. (Not insulting any of them, just pointing out they're more emotional)

I'm not insulting the author. This is a very well-written work and I think she's doing her best with the plot and characters involved, but I DO criticize her choice in characters for a plot like this.
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From statnin on January 19, 2011
Oo a biter. This is perfect. Your keen for a fight and im bored, my bat. I've never met a female ninja. I'm not an old women like you. Do u call urself prawn cos of wat u smell like after spending so much time on the streets getting 'inspiration'
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From SSShitstorm on January 19, 2011
Something leads me to believe that Leaf has no idea what strong independent NINJA woman, like TEMARI, are like. Just because she has Naruto to rely on doesn't mean she's just going to curl up in a fetal position and loose the ability to think and act on her own terms. There's a difference between RELIANCE and DEPENDENCE.

Dear god, get back to the kitchen you 1950's Stepford Wife and make your chainsmoking husband and neglected children dinner
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From statnin on January 19, 2011
Prawn is a Deuche
I love this story and I think you have made it perfectly understandable to how Temari is reacting because of the fact that she has always had to look out for herself and now that she has Naruto loooking out for her she doesnt have to be such a ""fuck it all" matriarchal badass" and considering that she was the one who got fucked over I doubt that she would be like "ahh fuck it".
Update this ASAP dammit ;P
Love, an After the pain fan
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From SSShitstorm on January 19, 2011
I've been reading this for a few years now, since before I've had an account, and I can honestly say that I'm confused. I can't tell if the author is just using this story as a thinly veiled soapbox for her own political beliefs or is making an honest attempt to write something decent about a controversial subject.

One thing I'd like to point out though, is that this plot would have gone along much, MUCH smoother with a female character OTHER than Temari, because while everyone has different interpretations of certain characters, it is COMPLETELY and UTTERLY out of character for Temari to keep a rape baby. She's been pinned as the "fuck it all" matriarchal badass. She was raised in "Old Sunagakure" where it was nearly as bad as Mist, and training nowithstanding, it's just so out of character for her to treat something like an unplanned pregnancy in such an emotional, subjective manner that it's almost painful to read.

I liked this at first, I really did. But what this fiction really did was rape Temari's character.

Love, a loyal Temari fan.
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From ANON - a true fan on January 18, 2011
love the story. its one of the rare few on this site that actually focuses on storyline and development instead of sex from the first chapter onwards. you are a true storywriter
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From ANON - JoshB on January 17, 2011
Hey great update. I missed reading this story but, I guess what they say is true. In due time you will get what you seek. That was a great chapter but I am curious on something though. The white chakra is it from Temari or the father of the child.... Hope you get another chapter out soon.
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From ANON - Silven on January 14, 2011
Hello Legilmyth,

I know this is my first review but I couldn't bring myself to slow down enough to type one before. Your story is incredible, and it has me wanting to continue. I have to admit that reading the scene with Kakashi in the hospital like that made me sad. He was my favorite character in the original series and how he is being put through the pain he is in makes me feel like that might be one of the more depressing scenes to come. Anyhow, can't wait to continue, I wonder how your going to continue this powerful plot you've created.

Waiting patiently,
Silven
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From Deseroth on October 15, 2010
You are a really great author and your stories are truly amazing.
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From Zarrthtion on October 08, 2010
PLZZZZZZZZZZZ write more this story is wonderful and i really want to kno how Kyuubi will react to finding out about Temari's white charka
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From theklvkid2 on October 06, 2010
Tee hee! That was a short interval between reviews. There was only a single chapter left to read before I caught up with the posted material.

Wow. You about killed me there (along with Kakashi). I knew he wouldn't just die, but I still anticipated his death (as directed, by your writing) when he reached out and perspective switched, going BACK IN TIME, even. That's drastic; like in a movie or anime, when the pivotal punch or head-turn or whatever happens, all goes silent as that single short motion is replayed a couple of times for dramatic effect before the sound finally kicks in, and time resumes its normal forward march toward devastation as everything explodes. That's like what you did there, sort of. Hey, that was pretty fun to write just now! My best poetry always comes out in reviews, oddly enough (or maybe it isn't so odd - that's really the only original text that I ever spontaneously generate, after all). I should document them all, somewhere.

Anyway, enough about me. Tis a review for YOUR chapter, after all; I'm being rude. Wrong place and time.

I reacted to Tsunade's arrival on the scene by analyzing her as she inteacted with Iruka. The two of them haven't been exposed to the readers in the same room since Tsunade became less convinced that he and Kakashi were involved, I believe, so I was looking for any awkwardness or jealousy in their demeanors. I liked the way you did it. It left it all up to my imagination, because you weren't explicit about their facial expressions, and their speech wasn't very indicative of their thoughts besides the imminent emergency. Both of them were so worried about Kakashi that it just wasn't that important. But there was something there that my imagination supplied, and the scene could be different for a different reader. It was cool.

It's quite nice that you have allowed Naruto to be so affected by his connection with Temari that he didn't need the push from anyone else to begin to move forward with his life. I feel that even if nothing is found about his former girlfriend, he will eventually get over it. However, this plan of Temari's will speed things up hopefully, and allow him to both recognize and acknowledge his attraction to her while she is still in the country with him, and not already back in Suna. That singular plea of his, "Forgive me," is so poignant to me - so full of emotion. It simultaneously rends and mends his heart.

Everyone in the village is so accepting of Temari, to a suprising degree. One example is the time she met Uta, and another is Meeka's confiding in her; though I suppose that even if the two had never met, Meeka would still have done as she did. She really needed to talk to someone. I was suprised (and happy with the author) that Temari didn't feel up to a task that only Naruto could accomplish.

I enjoyed the chapter. Thank you, and till next time!

klv
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From theklvkid2 on October 06, 2010
I just finished chapter 26 and went "Oh, that's so Bronte! That's SOO Bronte!" Have you ever read "Jane Eyre"? Wonderful book. You would like it, judging by your writing style and content.

Speaking of style, I find your punctuation and spelling mix-ups to be awkward, but most of the time they can be glossed over unnoticed pretty easily. It's funny, but the phrasing and rhythm of your punctuation is extremely natural, yet highly unorthodox. You frequently put periods where there should be commas, and it bugs me if I ever read to slowly or with my face too close to the screen. The spelling mix ups are actually something that I have admitted to having as a pet peeve before: Defiantly/Definitely, Too/To, You're/Your; other things like that. But these things are not too terribly important, and seeing as you are an experienced writer, people have probably alerted you to these before. I mean no offense, I simply speak of what sticks out and distracts me from the content, which is by itself phenomenal.

Your name has long adorned my short list of notable fanfic authors, Legilmyth. I read "What the HELL is going on?" and also "Ice Rose" quite possibly a whole year ago, or something close to that. I only decided to pick up this fic of yours recently, though, because I decided that if I had enjoyed your other stories, then even a fic that spoke of rape in the summary couldn't be too bad, especially if it was over twenty chapters long. I did balk though at the mention of rape and of a Naruto/Temari pairing. I am glad that I decided to read it, though, because you have presented the characters at such ages and in such situations that the idea is not ludicrous at all. I applaud you for that. Your creativity astounds me. I love your ideas and your twists such as the white chakra... Ok. That's something that should be addressed in its own paragraph, because it drives so much of the plot. I love the breadth of your storytelling, and how it covers so many perspectives and the lives of so many different characters; in vastly different environments, too. I do feel that the characters mostly have the same voice, which is yours, and that their manners of speaking should be much more diverse, but it isn't too much of a problem. It takes a lot of role-playing to be able to do that accurately (and have the most fun), from what I have encountered among authors. I speak as an observer only, as I have little to no confidence as a writer when it comes to generating an interesting plot. I am a reader only.

The white chakra.

I love how it affects all three of the sand siblings without them knowing anything of it. I wonder if Kakashi has come into contact with Kankuro since Kankuro's close encounter with death? Also, I like your explanation of Kakashi's characteristics, though I do wonder how you will explain how those of his ilk are separate from other shinobi, and how that division came into existence. I hope we will get to watch him read more of that journal. I am very curious. I wonder whether that journal will make its way to the Hokage, or to Temari, and whether Kakashi can redeem himself to be spared or if he is eternally doomed.

We have not heard from Gaara in such a long time that I am beginning to fear for his life. Before, I thought that Kankuro was feeling a sense of loss that he was misinterpreting, but his brother could well be deceased, in my eyes, now. Only further reading will tell, so I shall read on. My next review I shall post when I catch up with everyone else, and can no longer be affected by spoilers from other readers. For now, I shall post without reading the posts of others. You shall hear from me again soon!

Thanks for the wonderful story so far!

klv
(Livejournal: the-klv-kid)

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