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Reviews for The Sweetest Victory

By : mischiefmaker
  • From Sugary on August 20, 2007
    OOOHH!! I can't wait to see what they are going to do to Sasuke!! I just spent about an hour reading this fic and it's really good. I laughed really hard too. Butt-Crack of dawn? That's genius. Continue plz!
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  • From ANON - Jade on August 20, 2007
    I love this! Please update again soon :)
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  • From ANON - Luv on August 20, 2007
    Cool !!! I wanna know what's going to happen next... I love the threesome naruxsasuxsaku.
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  • From on August 20, 2007
    Oh, I twitched so bad when I saw that this fic was updated. I almost couldn't believe it. *blushes* Actually I found myself holding my breath intermittently throughout the reading; I think I was afraid the update would disappear or the chapter would end too soon or something like that. I will declare that I never feel the need for pitchforks after an update--it's the months in between that could sway me towards taking up arms, but really, if a fic is good enough for me to keep me coming back again and again, then I don't care how spaced out the updates are.

    *waves good fic flag*

    On another note, seeing as this is a review, there were a couple of spots that read rough or confused me. First spot--Sasuke says: “Get off!” Sasuke demanded as he jerked his arm out of Naruto’s grasp. “I'm not done here yet.” to which Sakura responds: “I don't see how I could help you with that,” she said flatly.

    Something here has completely gone over my head--or rather, I don't feel like the Freudian slip in Sasuke's line of speech is strong enough to warrant Sakura's lewd response. Plus the separation of these two lines of dialogue by Naruto's inner monologue makes it not read very smoothly and makes it harder to grasp...more confusing...at least for me.

    Second spot--this is more of a writerly thing. Line is: [Sasuke turned and disappeared in a flurry of leaves, but not before Naruto saw the look of disgust on his face.] I think the word disgust is too interpretative. Describe the look more in detail without actually giving a name to it (except for in Naruto's own thoughts). Maintaining ambiguity of the look allows for Sakura's later declaration that she thought Sasuke looked jealous more believable, plus it would be great if the reader, after having read the description of the look, doubts Naruto's immediate assumption that it is a look of disgust. Also, I think there's some interesting character issues that could be tapped a little more. What I mean by this is why *does* Naruto immediately jump to the conclusion that it's a look of disgust? Some hidden self-esteem issues possibly?

    Third spot--quote: "with the odd mixture of lingering irritation and growing relief"--I can't visualize this. It has no impact for me. I'm not really sure what you're going for with this line. Help me out? Also remember the value of "show, don't tell" There's a couple other spots like this.

    Fourth spot--quote: “You’re stumbling all over yourself. Not that I blame you. If I knew for a fact Sasuke wanted me, I don’t think I could keep from thinking about it either.”

    Hmm, well, he supposed she had a point there, but still. “And not me, Sakura-chan?” he asked teasingly.

    “Pfft, I already know you’re a walking ball of hormones,” she waved him off, nose wrinkled.

    Something in the dismissiveness of her response kicked him right in the gut..."

    What does the "And not me" line refer to exactly. I think what you are trying to say is that Naruto wants to know if Sakura would stumble over herself if Naruto told her that he has the hots for her. But I'm not sure. Something isn't coming across for me...

    Now with that said, there are some other places that I could complain about, but I want to talk about what I like!! I love the line "His armpits had never been cleaner." That is really, really great, not only because it's funny, but because it relays how annoyed Naruto is. Very nice.

    I like the details about Sakura. How she chews her lower lip when she's thinking or nervous. How she has a special smirk that she flashes Naruto when she outmaneuvers him. How she has that flaring temper under her nervousness and timidity. Very, very good. (i'dlovetoseeyoudosimilarthingsforsasukeandnaruto)

    That after Sasuke doesn't flee, after Sakura yells at Sasuke, after Naruto is reasonable, Sasuke disappears into a whirl of leaves. There was something about that scene when Sakura has her arm linked with Naruto's and Sasuke flashes that look that is just good. Really taps into something.

    I love the line "Maybe I should go shag him rotten every now and then to loosen him up.” LOVE IT! Shag rotten, shag rotten, shag rotten. It just sounds fun (n a pr0n kind of way kukuku). It deserves a button or something. Or instructions for Uchiha management. To Keep Uchiha In Prime Functioning Order, Shag Rotten At Least Three Times Weekly. lol

    ...drat...I have to go do life stuff. But here is a review for you to mesh over. Hopefully I balanced critique with praise well. Now for some fangirl rambling: *ahem* Love your story!! I really, really do. I can't wait for the next update!! Mischief-maker, you make beautiful mischief and I can't wait to see more of it! Squee!! Love this story 4ever. I'm always checking it. I'm so happy, happy, happy! You rule! Squee!!

    With that I bid you adieu until next time.

    Sincerely yours

    mydarkerside







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  • From ANON - yuri-san on August 20, 2007
    *___*

    OMFG YES!!!ONE11!!SHIFTELEVENTYONE!!

    sasusakunaruthreesomenowyesplz?

    ... xD;

    But seriously, that was lovely, and filled me with happy feelings (the angst and akwardness kinda shoved a fork in my heart, but it's supposed to do that ^^;) and brightened my dreary day. ^3^
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  • From ANON - MeLaiya on August 20, 2007
    ITS ABOUT DAMN TIME!!! OMG, I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THIS AND ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITES!!! Glad you finally decided to update, now if you could please make this a continuous thing Id be forever grateful. Keep up the good work and for the love of all things Yaoi PLEASE update soon.
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  • From ANON - Himitsu on June 13, 2007
    I love this story! ^_^ Please put up the next chapter, I absolutely can't wait! Keep it up!
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  • From ANON - dragondancer on May 26, 2007
    id like to see the next chapter
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  • From ANON - Jiro on May 14, 2007
    Oh my God. Please, PLEASE tell me you're going to update this eventually. Dear lord, this is hot, funny, well written, and... oddly in character. I HAVE to know what happens! Gah *pulls hair* Sasuke totally deserves that. Wah! I want to read more!
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  • From CasualOtaku on April 29, 2007
    Wow, I've moved from laughing my head off to worrying right along with Naruto. I know it's been a while since you wrote this story but I'm really really hoping you continue. It's nice to see a bi story where Sakura isn't portrayed as some helpless little thing that just bends to her teamates will. Although I shudder to think how Sasuke is going to top that last one. ^_^
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  • From Badenwill on April 06, 2007
    well done and well writen,
    Would have liked to see it completed but oh well
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  • From ANON - anonymous on February 25, 2007
    when is this story gonna be updated? i want to read more!
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  • From ANON - Tsukamei on February 14, 2007
    This story is really interesting and I can't wait for it to update!
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  • From ANON - A passerby on February 11, 2007
    My my... this is great. I don't think I've ever read a better Naruto fanfic. It's surprisingly in character, hilarious, and a very 'smooth' read.

    I hope you continue soon :]
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  • From ANON - rachael on January 08, 2007
    OMG, OMG, OMG. Mischief maker, you have made beautiful mischief and I am desperate to see what you are going to do!! That chapter was really intense. I love your characterization of Naruto as crude and brassy--it fits him so well. Gah. For the most part my brain is mush I liked that last so much. Please update!
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