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Reviews for A Broken Lie

By : learivera
  • From ANON - Midnyte Wolf on January 01, 2006
    *wavewave* Hello, dear!

    First off, I am so proud of you for making a stand and FINALLY posting SOMETHING here... though I must say I was anticipating more. ^^; Anyhoo, lets get this underway. As yer dear, sweet, lovely, wonderful, kind, and brilliant mother- I have my points of critique to make.

    Well, as beginning as we get here- lets talk about something that either gets me into the story or not... that's the summary. Mention something about it having a slight Iruka/Kakashi feel to it. Tell them what it's about! Without a summary... I don't have any idea what I'm about to read! And I doubt people fly into nameless stories just for the sake of reading random fanfiction.

    And as for the story, I remember this story! But like you said, it was very, very short. Almost terribly. We had this same problem with the WR story once, remember? It's turned to the same deal here, hun. We know nothing about your character. We barely know why she's there. Kakashi's short explaination wasn't a good filler-inner either. Because everything that was said near the end was either like, "Huh?" or "Who tha'..??" Personally I suggest this story to be stretched immensely. But if it's nothing but a tester or what-not... it might have done better on fanfiction.net. X3 Here, smut is anticipated mostly. But like I said in the before... at least you posted something here... it just might have played out better if it was indeed something of the respecting rating of R or NC-17.

    All in all, it was very cute and simple. However, still too much so. I only suggest we tug it out and give everyone a real show with much more detail, history, explaination, and... all that jazz. Mother's so proud! Keep up the hard work! Ta!
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