Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for Satiate

By : macy

From ANON - Emina on December 08, 2005
I just wanted to say I loved how you started this, it really sounds like it'll be a great fanfic already.

But, I want to comment on one thing; about the NaruSasu thing.

I thought, just by reading chapter one, it'll be SasuNaru, not the other way around.

With Naruto being the one asking and Sasuke seeming like the older one, even with the thinking of 'He doesn't look older then twenty' comment.

I *really* hope it'll be SasuNaru, because I dunno... I think it would *fit* better, y'know?

But, then again, it's your fic, you can go whatever you want ^^

I'm just putting my two-cents in.

All-in-all, I love this story already. So keep it up and update soon ^^
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From ANON - liankitty on December 08, 2005
This was definately interesting; doing the scene from both Naruto's and Sasuke's POV was a nice touch as it allowed us to see what both characters were thinking at the time. I like the idea that this is going to be more lighthearted; I like angst but I see so much of it that I'm becoming immune to every characters sob stories. It'd be nice if Naruto is only four or five years older than Sasuke; then he's a young elite executive even if (if he has his original personality) he's bright and happy-go-lucky.
Please don't answer reviews like you did at chapter 2, just answer them at the end of the next chapter or something. I got excited thinking there was a whole nother chapter but it was a lie...
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From ANON - Anon on December 08, 2005
hmm...long debates in the review board. very, very, very, very interesting. i guess i agree with yaoilover12 that review boards are no place for other reviewers to bash another one just for their opinions. it's one thing to disagree, but some people take it too far. and a person should be able to post without fear of getting attacked by a writer's rabid horde of fans. regarding the story itself: i don't really care for AU, but i didn't mind this one. i've seen worse, and this is one of the better ones out there. but even though i disagree with yaoilover12, i'm not going to try to bash him/her. that's just rude, since it's obvious their constructive criticism was used by macy, and may even make the fic better. which is more than i can say for some people. macy, not bad btw. i love narusasu. i just hope naruto isn't too much older than sasuke, since i'm too used to seeing them in the same age group (but i think it's kewl to have naruto be older).
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From ANON - yaoilover12 on December 07, 2005
Well, I do have to agree I have a habit of starting debates in review boards. But hey, I guess that's good for you macy, since that means you'll get more reviews :) However, I'm actually kind of sorry I posted in the first place...but not because I'm offended with what those strikingly brilliant reviewers like omg have to say. And I'm glad it sounds like you're working on improving some of the errors I saw in the first chapter. Also, I never expected you to be as good as some of the writers in the fanfiction world; however, I was trying to point out the reason that I don't think this story will be as good is because of those aforementioned things I didn't like. In no way did I suggest that just because your writing style is not up to par with others, does that make you a bad writer. Even if some fics aren't as good as others, they can still be very good in their own right. Anyway, I'm of the opinion that the whole reason for posting should be to offer the writer more constructive criticism than a simple "Update soon" or "That fic sucks." Unfortunately, now it seems that people are more trying to engage me in a debate (often nasty and personal, since they don't have any good arguments) instead of concentrating on your story and how to make it better. The point of posting is not to defend why a fic is already good, but to offer advice on how to make it better. And attacking another reviewer simply does not accomplish that. Yet because I posted, people now have their hackles all up and their teeth bared (not that I care). And I feel that's really unfair to you macy. It really is. You're a good-enough writer that you deserve honest feedback like mine, instead of a huge, nasty fight in your review board. So, in my last post, I will simply say that I'm glad it sounds like you've taken some of my criticism into consideration, and that you'll improve on the OOC to make it more in-character, that it sounds like you recognize and acknowledge the inherent dangers of writing an AU fic, and that you enjoyed reading my review. My whole intent was not to bash (otherwise, I would've just stooped to the level of OMG and said 'fuck you'), but to tell you what I liked and didn't like in the hopes that you'll do better next chapter -- which, of course, I'm looking forward to...
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From ANON - Shadedfaith on December 07, 2005
Oh my, seems like you've started quite a beast in the review boards. Hn, anyway, you did a good job on writing in 2nd person point of view. Sadly, I have to say that I don't usually read 2nd pov because it has never appealed to me much over 3rd. Err... but that's another story that has nothing to do with this, la la la.

I hope you don't pay great mind to the harsh!critiques you get -- I mean, sure, critique is good, but sometimes they're... um... well, they're just not critique that can help you. Once again, I'd address the factor of AU-ness vs OCC and all that crap... blah blah blah, you get the point. The main point I've probably been wanting to get to is that: Yes, Uchiha Sasuke would probably whore himself. Yaoilover12, you should go read some Orochimaru/Sasuke stuff. Very well considered whoring-ness, if I may say so. Plus, you know, Kishimoto-sensei/san/sama/whateverfangirlswanttocallhim? has made a few mistakes throughout the Naruto manga, yo. Haha, and you know what? Why yes, yes I have read/watched/obsessed over Naruto and this is what I think. Oh, the shock. You are one, not all, so do not gather me with and to you.

What else... what else. Can't think of anything because my attention span can only last so far... la la. Please, be a little more considerate and DO NOT compare one writer's works to another. Yes, I know Gelfling's works are absolutely wonderful [read: sexual] and Reflections is alright in its own unique way, but you DO NOT compare and consequently put down another author by saying they will never reach the potential or "standards" of any other writer. You can not be the judge of that. Argh. I can not stress enough how your condescending tone irks me! It's very rude.

Aside from all that, I'm glad to see another Naru/Sasu writer out in the deep, dark wild XD. Like yo, keep up the good work!
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From on December 07, 2005
Haha! When I first read the fic, I was like "WOOT! Can't wait for the next chapter!" And then I saw your update and was, like, "YAY! She updated!" Then I saw the chapter, and was, like, "DAMN! Only review responses!" Haha, well anyway, not that anyone would care. *cough* XD

Anyway, I really liked it even though it was short. ^_~ I didn't think there was a lot of problems, but then that could just be me. I like your writing style, and I'll absolutely worship you if you keep it as NaruSasu, but that's your choice. I love AU stories, both writing and reading them. It gives you a lot of free room and liberties to work with when you write AU fics. OOC of different degrees is usually to be expected of AU stories, so you shouldn't worry yourself over it. I wouldn't say your characters were OOC anyway.

So, write more and post soon. I wanna read more. ^_^
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From ANON - oOKeairaOo on December 07, 2005
I didn't even realize there had been a debate on the review boards. Personally, I think that writing an AU gives you a certain amount of freedom with the characters. Yes, they might still have the same basic personalities, but growing up in completely different worlds and under completely different circumstances will change a lot. For example, Sasuke changed drastically after the murder of his family, for obvious reasons. It's fairly easy to assume that he wouldn't be the angsty little thing that he is if Itachi hadn't gone loopy and killed his family. Also, the part that you quoted just now indicates that he's after Itachi, and as Sasuke's already proven that he'll do anything to kill Itachi, it's not a far stretch to think that he might whore himself out if it was the only possible way. And seeing as how he's about to starve to death, and has been given plenty of evidence that he could earn a living by selling his body, it seems like something that Sasuke would conceivably do, even outside of an AU setting.

In other words, unless you just completely do a 180 with the characters' personalities, I don't think it's possible to be OOC in an AU. And I'm one who's usually very picky about keeping characters IN character. ^^; Maybe I just like the idea of Sasuke as a whore?

Either way, love it so far, and I look forward to an update. And by the way, if you can't find a beta, I'd be happy to go over your chapters for you. I'm definitely not a better writer than you, but I'm an English major intending to one day be an editor, so I enjoy getting the practice. ^~
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From ANON - OMG on December 07, 2005
Yaoiluver12 or whatever your name is. You are being totally anal, unreasonable, and more than that, seriously rude. For real, a lot of the things you said in your reviews were totally unnecessary and are simply based on your own unbelievably biased opinion. What you did was not constuctive at all for the author and the fact that you compaired their work to other fics and said that it wouldn't ever be as good as them? That's just mean. Personally, if i was the the author, i would delete your badmouthing reviews. So, here's my opinion on it, and i mean it literally, Go fuck yourself to one of those fics that you think is so much better and keep your badmouthing reviews to yourself.
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From ANON - yaoilover12 on December 07, 2005
I suppose I should clarify on my previous review. For starters, I did realize this was an AU fic; my comments were really directed more towards how writers have to be careful about how they write these stories, since Kishimoto obviously took a lot of time developing his setting, plot, and characters, and we should respect that by making the characters in the fanfictions have more than just a physical semblance to his creations. And yes, the characters in this story so far have been OOC. Anyone who's ever read/seen the Naruto series would know there is no possibility in hell that they would ever talk/think this way. Also, my problem was not with the NaruSasu pairing; that's actually my most favorite pairing of all time, and I've even kind of come to dislike SasuNaru. I have a problem more with their ages, since it sounds like Naruto is way older than Sasuke (he kept calling him a boy) and not just by a couple of years like in most other fanfictions with that pairing. I understand the need writers have to put their own spin on the series by adding a twist in their stories, but this was just unnecessary, and I really feel it takes away from some of the story, since in the manga it's actually Sasuke who's older. Of course, it indeed is only the first chapter, so I will give the writer the benefit of the doubt. This could be a good story; and I'm hoping that it will be developed more. I'm only pointing out that it has a real possibility of it becoming one of those fanfictions I absolutlely despise. But even if it is a sucky fic (and no matter what, it'll never be up to the standards of Gelfling's "Attraction" or Kirei Kitsue's "Reflections"), I guess the writer should continue with the story regardless, since it's obvious a few people derive some kind of enjoyment from reading this. To each his own, I suppose. Also, for Thera, how am I supposed to respond to your comments by email if you have your address hidden?
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From ANON - oOKeairaOo on December 07, 2005
I like this a lot so far, and I really hope that you keep going. My only complaint is that you seem to switch between tenses a lot, which sort of disrupts the flow of your story. Maybe get a beta to help you fix that? Other than that, you have a good writing style and a good plot idea, so I'll definitely be checking back for more. Good luck!
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From ANON - bleh on December 07, 2005
I agree with Thera! And besides, this is only chapter 1.
Why can't naruto be older than sasuke? Sasuke doesn't always have to be the bigger and more dominating one.I don't think naruto sounds very middle-aged, but you may want to clarify his actual age?This is an AU fic anyway.
Don't worry about it, i think this fic is going somewhere. Your characters aren't "screwed up". I'm sure you're be added more details in future chapters, since its just chapter 1. Very little spelling mistakes, and so your fic is easy and nice to read =) Umm.. i should stop rambling.
I like the plot, keep updating!
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From ANON - Thera on December 07, 2005
I'm going to tell you that I kind of disagree with Yaoilover12.

The characters are not ooc, for now at least, and this is an AU, but apparantly this person didn't think about that yet...

But I have to agree, that his/her opinion on this matter could be true: it could work out crapily, so add some background stuff for Naruto and Sasuke in, like you could have Sasuke think about his brother and stuff.

As last, to Yaoilover12: What's wrong with having one character older then another character, while they aren't in the series? Or do you find the idea of NaruSasu instead of Sasunaru icky? And well, to be honest, Naruto is a bigger pervert in the series then he is in this story, at least, if macy doesn't decide to make him a decennia older...(please awnser this by e-mail, YL12, because we wouldn't want to pollute the review-board with our discussion, now would we?
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From ANON - - on December 07, 2005
niiice Salaryman Naruto makes me drool :D Dunno how much I like Sasuke prostituting himself...but I don't care much for Sasuke anyway. Nice story going on though, and yeah you're right lol it is more of a teaser, but it'll be ok if you update the story with a new chapter ;) lol :P But seriously, it's an eye-catching plot lol...I wanna see what happens next.
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From ANON - losthimagain on December 07, 2005
Hummmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!! Vary intersting can wait to see where it goes!!!!!!!!!!!!

-The Update Monster
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From ANON - yaoilover12 on December 07, 2005
I don't really like the idea behind this fic. Naruto is older than Sasuke??? Somehow, that just doesn't sound right. If you are going to make the characters completely OOC, then don't even bother to use their names. When you do, it almost seems like you're disrespecting Kishimoto's work, since you're basically taking his very well thought-out characters and turning them into your own screwed-up creations. For one, Sasuke is not a whore, and your Naruto sounds like a middle-aged perverted old man. What is up with that? The writers that keep their stories similar to the original plotline (or at the very least, have their stories take place in the right setting and time frame) and are very in tune with the characters' psyches are usually the ones whose stories are the best. There are very few exceptions to this rule, and your story is not one of them. You didn't even try to make Sasuke or Naruto retain even a resemblance of their original characterizations; it's like you're just riding on the reputation of the Naruto series in order to have people read your work. You could have made a better fic by just making up your own characters. Of course, I'm not saying that you should give up completely. Your story does have some good points, i.e. minimal spelling errors, a decent writing style, etc. But you seriously need to change the way you approach writing fanfictions.
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