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Reviews for Stolen

By : Nasis
  • From on November 16, 2005
    D: Aww, come on. This summary sounds promising. Put the new one up soon, I want to make a proper review instead of begging you to put up the actual story. xD

    -Nevada-tan-
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  • From ANON - Anon on November 14, 2005
    aww I liked it......

    -Chelsey- AKA: HisBeautiful
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  • From ANON - krickets on November 13, 2005
    im not flaming i want to give you an honest review
    i LIKED the first chapter
    but you got lazy with the second and third
    One: when people are speaking please use quotation
    marks...there kinda there for a reason for one it breaks it up and
    makes it easier to read instead of just having to people
    having a conversation in the same paragraph.

    so instead of:
    Sakura giggled. I robbed him. Tsunade's eyes got even wider, then she started giggling along with Sakura. You...you robbed Kakashi? You broke into a jounin's home and took his most sacred possession? Sakura nodded and Tsunade burst out laughing. The tears were flowing freely and every so often a snort came from the Hokage. Sakura was shocked, but couldn't help laughing harder. The two women were in hysterics when the door opened and the face of a young ninja poked through. Um...Hokage? Tsunade and Sakura looked up, and started laughing so hard they couldn't breathe. The young genin decided that it could wait, and backed out into the hallway and shut the door. What was that all about? He thought to himself as he raked his silver hair back.

    this is kinda confusing it it breaks your train of thought instead of just enjoying the story
    instead you should try:
    Sakura giggled. "I robbed him."

    Tsunade's eyes got even wider, then she started giggling along with Sakura. "You...you robbed Kakashi? You broke into a jounin's home and took his most sacred possession?"

    Sakura nodded and Tsunade burst out laughing. The tears were flowing freely and every so often a snort came from the Hokage. Sakura was shocked, but couldn't help laughing harder. The two women were in hysterics when the door opened and the face of a young ninja poked through. Um...Hokage? Tsunade and Sakura looked up, and started laughing so hard they couldn't breathe. The young genin decided that it could wait, and backed out into the hallway and shut the door. What was that all about? He thought to himself as he raked his silver hair back.

    this also helps to break up your sentences or help you revise sentence structure tee hee and it also makes your posts longer...eehh not that they ARE longer they just seem to be
    Two: try using more detail and descriptive words when you are writing...which can seem like a pain i know but it really helps people get a time and setting in their mind
    describe things like arcs of light bouncing and doing whatever arcs of light do in your mind...or the way someone hair sways or you know what ever you feel like
    of course dont let descriptions distract from the main plot but there is no reason you cant use them to "flesh " out your story

    this has potential to be a great story maybe you ought to consider getting a beta writer? you never know it wont hurt and they are alot less painless then some people seem to think
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  • From ANON - Kei on November 12, 2005
    Maybe you should do a bit of a spell check. :/ And some grammar...It takes me out of the story when I see one of those two. Oh, and maybe you should consider putting "" for talking.
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  • From ANON - Anon on November 12, 2005
    I still really like it
    I just wish it were longer. Update soon!

    -Chelsey- AKA: HisBeautiful
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  • From ANON - Lanier on November 12, 2005
    heh heh that was funny. especially Kakashi's comment about being a missing nin. cant wait for more.
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  • From ANON - wynter89 on October 31, 2005
    YOU KETP MY HOPES UP. can you please write more. good luck
    may kami-sama be with you
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  • From ANON - Morwen Re on October 31, 2005
    oh my god! you are too cruel! just to let out a teaser! i declare you must write more!
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  • From ANON - Ruka on October 31, 2005
    Wow this sounds promising! Please update soon!

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  • From ANON - Zelha on October 31, 2005
    Hahaha, I can't imagine Kakashi walking around Konoha with an eyepatch...
    Come on, keep updating, I wanna know what's gonna happen with Sakura!
    KakaSaku rulz!
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  • From ANON - krickets on October 31, 2005
    If you dont continue this story i will personally castrate you....i dont care if you arnt a boy or whatever
    i want more and i WILL have more!

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  • From ANON - anon on October 31, 2005
    I hate teaser...please continue^_^
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  • From ANON - asano on October 31, 2005
    omg more please XD
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  • From ANON - Hentai Wolf on October 31, 2005
    Wow... That's actaully a great start; promises to be a good story to come.
    FYI; Kakashi takes after his dad; you'd have to hide his hair with, mayhaps, a baseball cap? Or something maybe more piratical in nature? Arr!
    *grins* However you decide to continue this story, one is definitely looking forward to it.
    *howls*
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