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Reviews for Necklaces

By : typhoonjax
  • From Vague on February 25, 2008
    Hey there, I was reading your story and found that you have amazing talent as an author. This is why I am taking some time to invite you over to my website Laefe E-Publishing. I’m looking for young talented authors who have it in them to make creative original works.

    I know that you will automatically think that this might be a scam so to help ease your worries you can either check out my own profile on this site so you can see that I am the real deal, or you can add me to Windows Live Messenger that you can ask me any questions that may come to your mind.

    Laefe is a new online epublishing and you are among the first group of authors invited over to the site. I hope that you will consider it. You can find Laefe at http://itsuwari.com/bookstore/. My name is Emilia Baptiste, you can call me Emi when we talk on msn @ waterempath@hotmail.com. All the information you will need will be on the website and anything that is not clear you can ask me.

    All I ask is that you give Laefe a look and see if it might be where you would like to further progress in your quest to writing your ultimate story. Thank you for your time and I do hope to hear from you soon.

    Emi Baptiste
    Admin of Itsuwari.com and Laefe Epublishing

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  • From oohshiny on October 18, 2007
    wahhh, not enough yet!! UPDATE I DUN CARE IF YOU HATE ME REVIEW FOR THAT OR NOT JUST UPDATE PLZNESS!! and plz email me when you udate it, my address is deannathx@comcast.net
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  • From ANON - lalala on January 05, 2006
    Did Sasuke just get kicked in the face? XD
    The words "penile distress" make me giggle. I'm waiting anxiously for an update!
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  • From ANON - Hellagoddess on January 02, 2006
    Completely awesome fiction! i LOVE IT! My favorite bit so far was with naruto and the crab on the beach the 'slapping a broad hand next to it to properly address it' bit...just cracks me up every single time i read it!

    please continue with this...it's one of my favorites and i can't believe i haven't reviewed yet!

    Hellagoddess
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  • From ANON - Jena on December 26, 2005
    Hey this is really good!!!! I love Naru/Sasu, in that order, because there are too few of these stories with Naruto being seme...
    I like your imagery and how you skip back and forth between point of views. Poor Sasuke, is he really only drunk? Or was something slipped into one or all the drinks on his table? A shady place like that makes me suspect the latter. I hope Naruto hasn't lost it completely, but was I glad he saved Sasuke when he did! BTW, I read all the chapters in one sitting. You certainly draw the reader into your story!!!! Laters!!! And update soon??
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  • From ANON - Lyndsay-Marie on December 23, 2005
    **gives love** This is amazing!! I really do like the way you have portrayed Sasuke and Naruto and I CAN'T WAIT for more :) but you know what they say... good things are worth the wait!! ^.^

    ~lyndsay-marie
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  • From ANON - armitage43 on December 22, 2005
    *squeeeeeees like tjhe rampant fan girl she is* Heeeeeeeee Poor Sasuke's lil' peeny *snickers*

    Loved the chapter but I don't see the next one yet *smirks* So it will be here tomorrow then??? *snickers more 'n' ducks a thwapping for being cheeky*

    Yours

    Chii ^_~
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  • From ANON - Saiku on November 29, 2005
    oh my...
    This writing style is amazing and captivating. You have a real gift here.
    Keep up with the NaruSasu and inspiring language.
    I read every chapter faithfully and hope for the next one soon!
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  • From ANON - B. Note: * indicates italics on November 29, 2005
    Darn, I don't think that's Naruto. You're writing is so descriptive! *melts* I really felt Sasuke's need. XD

    I noticed a few things from the chapter that I would like to point out.

    Reread with me the following paragraph, and I hope that you notice how "No one left alive" stands out.

    "No one had ever told him that Kyuubi would someday affect his emotions or his mind, but who could have known? No one left alive. Nevertheless, affecting him it was, and Naruto felt he knew well the nature of that particular Beast."

    It's not a full sentece, so I was jolted when I read it. It went BAM! It really breaks the flow of your writing. Maybe you can change it to "there was no one left alive" or "they were no longer alive." Or maybe you can add a dash in there instead of adding an separate sentence.

    I also think the use of italicized words should be decreased a bit, though there are definitely places where they're perfect. My favorite use of the emphasis is when Naruto thinks, " Kyuubi was why they were *dead*, Kyuubi was why some of their *children* were dead, their lovers, their friends." I almost wanted to yell out, "YEAH, YOU MONSTER!" You really got me riled up.

    To lessen your use of italics, you can mix the emphasis with an exclamation point and still get your point across. I personally think the following sentence would sound better if the emphasis on "demon" was taken away, and you added an exclamation point instead. It would really show the force behind Naruto's voice (at least, the way I heard it in my head).

    "Of course Kyuubi was *bad*, he was a *demon*." -----> "Of course Kyuubi was *bad*, he was a demon!"


    Towards the end of the chapter, Sasuke's thoughts brushed on the 4th of July. I don't know whether there is a Japanese holiday on that day - or even if the characters in the Naruto world are supposed to be considered Japanese - but it felt really out of place. Maybe you could refer to another celebration that relates to "starbursts" and "twinkles".

    Now let's reread the following:

    "Sasuke *begging* was enough to shake the resolve of a saint, and Sasuke's date for the evening was far from. Resisting would approach futile, in the minds of *several* several.

    I was left wanting to add the word "it" to the end of the first sentence. And for the second one, the word "several" is repeated twice without ever specifiying what there was several of.


    I look forward to the next chapter!
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  • From ANON - Leasan on November 29, 2005
    Gods, that was good... Intense and moving, and sexy like hell.
    I really hope Naruto will not leave sasuke, especially now.
    You have real talent to picture drunken state, that haze and confusion.
    Great work, I hope we'll get the next update a little sooner this time :)
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  • From on November 28, 2005
    Once again, you've saved me [read: helped me procrastinate] from studying for my Biology test tomorrow XD;;.
    Ah, I suck-tte bayo, and I do believe that mysterious blondie trying to knock up Sasuke is, too.

    Dear lovely, I do adore how you write, describe, and feed me angst. It's so wonderful, and happy, and eatable. Definitely eatable. [Bio makes me loopy]. I feel so very, very bad for Naruto -- poor thing, probably going to be shit faced when he finds Sasuke as he is and was and going to be with Mysterious Blondie -- and daaaamn it; I just feel so bad for the both of them.

    None the less, you are brilliant and I believe that you'll write whatever's going to happen just fine, un.
    Please, do update soon, won't you?
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  • From ANON - lalala on November 27, 2005
    Sasuke's gonna be mad when he sobers up. I smell a misunderstanding coming...
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  • From ANON - no name for now on November 27, 2005
    Wha??? I'm confused.
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  • From ANON - Loveless on November 27, 2005
    Wow. Intense chapter. Snaps, here I was hoping Sasuke would "wait" until he and Naruto went at it, but I guess we can't always get what we want. =/

    Haha, but anyways, amazing details and the imagery...I could just see it all in my mind's eye!

    Can't wait until the next chapter!
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  • From ANON - shar on November 23, 2005
    Wow, very interesting style of writing. I enjoy your imagery and detail, and all of the voices and fantasies in everyone's minds. I like where this is going, and I like your characterizations a great deal. Can't wait for more.
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