Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for My collection of Naruto / ? pairings

By : pieterscheeringa

From ANON - Takerial on September 24, 2005
I said there was another one as well, not too far back actually. And it's quite easy to do a search for Anko, THAT'S WHY THE SEARCH BUTTON IS THERE! if you are going to make a claim like that, at least have to gull to back it up, it's a thing a sensible person would do. And you think I'm no talented? Personally, I don't bother writing fanfiction, it's too much a waste of time, I bother writing actual stories, which I'm in the process of turing into books, and every person that's reviewed it (I've posted it on about 10 different websites, well over 60 some people) have all said it was hard to stop reading. SO YES I do know what I'm doing. I also understand story structure to a T, no I wasn't expecting stories on here to be good anyways, but even for this place, it sucks. Yes most people practice by writing fanfiction, but he sucks for even that. I could have written a better story than this when I was 12 and just starting at Rp chat, which is what I did before any serious writing. Besides, coming on here and posting that kinda crap about how it's pretty good and blah blah blah, is pure crap. That's the reason why ever kid here seems to think they can write, sorry, but it takes a certain skill to be a writer, not just the want to be a writer.

I would have been nicer, but he just pissed me off that he'd be stupid enough to make a claim like that, without trying to back it up, it's not hard, it's quite easy really. Would I bother going through all of these pages to find out just that? No, I would use the fucking search button at the top of the screen that makes things like that incredibly easy to check out. Few people on here have what it takes to be a writer, and I enjoy reading their stories. But it's incredibly hard to find those stories because these types of kids think they should try writing fanfic like these, hell, he's probably not even legal for this type of stuff anyways. WANT MY POINTS ON THIS STORY?

1. Lack a hell of a lot of fluency: a very key point to good story. You could have a good plot, good characters structure, good detail, etc, but if you lack this part, it all goes to hell. You can do without one of the others, and still be an ok story, but without fluency, it just sucks no matter how you look at it.

2. Lack of character developement: like most people, you went with the, it's fanfic so I don't really need this, it's already done, so that's easy. NO NO NO NO NO! If you were to write a story similar to the one being done, then maybe. But you are writing one that seriously alters what the story is about, and need to redefine the characters to fit said story by having them go through some changes and the sort, you don't even have this, they just, sorta change for no fucking reason. BAD!

3. Detail Detail Detail Detail!: Hell, even my summaries have more detail than your oneshot story. If you are doing that, it's not that hard to expand on detail, afterall, it's one of things that is noticed first in a story. Think about it, which do you like better, knowing it's a dog, or knowing it's a red dog with a black collar on it, that resembles a wolf. The latter, we can picture it better, and that's why find stories good, it's easy to picture and get absorbed in.

4. Typing Issues: I dunno why it's this way, do you just type it directly into the window and then post it or something?
It has typing errors here and there. I notice this amongst a lot of One Shot stories, so I'm figuring it seems most people who write them seem to just type it directly into the window, NO! Use word or something, it has spell check, people like it better when they don't have to cipher what you were trying to say. Luckily, you don't have too many for most stories on here, but try to have none.

That's all I'm touching on for now. To put it bluntly, you don't have the requirement needed for a writer, and no one but a writer could really tell if someone has that skill, it's hard to explain.

Btw, any other idiots that wish to question my comments, simply direct them to my e-mail, where I will get into great detail on why you are an idiot for doubting my reviews.
Report Review
From ANON - Dante Ishimato on September 23, 2005
A little sketchy in some places, but otherwise it's pretty good. I've read some of your FF fanfictions and I do like Kyuubi no Kitsune. Anyways... I think you should continue, and just try to improve whenever and whatever you can. Practice is the BEST way to improve.

Also... I think I should really say this, sorry Demon God if you don't like this, but there are some reall assholes that have previously reviewed this.

Takerial... who the fuck do you think you are?

I do agree that most of the stories on this site are crap. And this story appeals to a small margine of people... but you are not important. You are no more important than any person on this site. I have to say you think your so badass and right all the time, but you're not. "NOW STOP WRITING! practice more, then ask my permission if you ever want to post something, I'll tell you if it sucks or not." That part made me laugh out loud. Pracitce is good. But who the hell would take that adive of 'asking permission' from a no talent hack? Seriously, if you post fanfictions on the net 9/10 you are just practicing. If I had to say something about what your character comes off as... one word. B... I... T... C... H. That's that.

and something else towards everyone that is bitching at Demon God for saying that he had the first Naruto/Anko fiction. HE'S ALLOWED TO MAKE MISTAKES! Maybe he didn't read Enjoy life or Anko 101, did you ever think of that? what a bunch of retards. Two out of over 1000 is in fact, pretty easy to miss. Man... sorry demon god but these worthless reviewers really got on my nerve...

later...
Report Review
From ANON - Yenom on September 23, 2005
You could make a bunch of one shot I guess, I would rather you write the scenes you have to edit out of you FF.net story. You know place the entire story here to with those scenes added, or if you don't want to do that Give it the same name with say ":Extra Scenes" after. Thats my hope since you have Kyuubi being so Hot and sexual with naruto, plus all the women you add to that.
Report Review
From ANON - Takerial on September 23, 2005
Just like almost everyone else on here, at least about 99% of the stories, are horrible. Especially since most are yaoi, which I personally don't care for. And know, just because it's a male female pairing does that excuse your actions. You suck at writing, almost everyone here sucks at writing, you should all go away until you learn how to write. And on, being curious does not excuse you, Shame on you.

And to answer your question, this is not the first anko naruto pairing, there are two others I believe, both better written than this. One oneshot, and one chapter, which is currently unfinished.

And you can't write sex scenes either, are you like 14 or something? And if the chuunin exams were 2 and half years ago, Naruto should be around 16 so you know. NOW STOP WRITING! practice more, then ask my permission if you ever want to post something, I'll tell you if it sucks or not.
Report Review
From ANON - N1NJ4 on September 22, 2005
By the way I think I�m the first one who ever wrote a sex scene between Naruto and Anko.

Like hell you did i did way before and if you think i'm lying then check out Anko 101.
Report Review
From ANON - X-outlaw on September 22, 2005
More stories would be great. Naruto/(Female)Haku would be great. Or maybe TayuyaNarutoKin rape fic, if you can find away for the sound girls to trap Naruto.
Report Review
From ANON - blisblop on September 22, 2005
It had more spunk,literally and metephoriclly than most fan fics.How does Natuto fucKing her hit her clit?There is the curve of the pelvic bone between the clit and vag opening,I am not saying its impossible but the guy either has to try to drag over it when pulled out pretty far and drag across the clit then change his angle to go into the vag(think of a bow going up and down the arch of violin strings,they don't lie flat,neither does a girl) or the girl on top has the guy all the way in her then grinds herself , hips tilted forward on the guys pelvic bone,having a girl do this is pretty damn good,she can get fairly violent in her movements and the guys won't ,ouch,get accidently bent.
I like this,the lack of some erotic responces(shivers,growls ect) make it abit flat but everything else is more than welcome.Why make her a virgin?Girls have to learn how to come just like guys but the equipment is much hardes to master.So its weird,but you have her practicing forhand.I like that alot.
I wish I could help you,I'll just have to do it in reveiws I guess.
Report Review