Click Here!

Reviews for My new Family

By : SasukeB
  • From ANON - pwnd! on November 27, 2006
    u have way too many spelling erros n-eways like ur story can't wait till u update!
    Report Review

  • From ANON - gay guy on January 26, 2006
    email=myinsane_asylum@hotmail.com

    if you dont write more i will cry
    Report Review

  • From ANON - exrxr (not signed in) on November 05, 2005
    i've read through all of your reviews and it seems that there are a mixed bunch of views on your fic. some love it and want you to continue but some say that you really need to work on your fic before publishing it.

    for me, i would say that you should:

    1. put your fic on hold.

    2. find a beta.

    3. work with your beta to check over your errors (in all past and future work).

    by "find a beta" and "work with your beta to check over your errors" i mean to find someone that speaks in an english environment everyday. you could sorta say finding yourself an editor that can check your work, catch and change your errors, and point to you the problem areas you have with your english writing skills.

    i've only read the first paragraph of your fist chapter and i've come to the conclusion that your english is not.....hm.....how should i say this??? 'not really written in english'?? i get the feeling that you're thinking in japanese and then trying to word your japanese sentence into english directly. translating from one language to another directly doesn't make sense as each language has their own way of expressing something. in other words, your meaning is lost somewhere and you have ideas worded in a mixed sense.

    i know because i grew up in an english and chinese environment (english at school, chinese at home). there are just some words or how a sentence is phrased in one language that just isn't possible to be translated into the other without losing its whole meaning in the process.

    so yeah, you could say that i agree with all of the critisims that you have been getting. you do really need to work on your fic more and fix up previous errors (that's the only way you can learn). also, try to think your story out aloud in english *hint*
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Neko-chan on August 11, 2005
    SADIST IN THE HOUSE! o.0; woah! Ok yeah i wopuld definately agree that he needs to work his problems out...Yikes....It's wierd, you make Naruto look sort of like a beaten lover, but he still loves Sasuke...I am glad that you decided to get Sasuke to go to some sort of therapy.(*snicker* I'm only laughing because i go to one too, but for waaaaaaaay different reasons.) And it's a good idea that you let the readers know it was solely for the sake of writing or whatever it may be(i'm going with writting...) before you got to the slightly creepy parts. Very good story.(You scared the shit outt of me when Naruto went home after having his "last talk" with Shikamaru!!>< xD)
    Report Review

  • From ANON - crapstory on May 31, 2005
    by the way, your story is crap
    Report Review

  • From ANON - you suck on May 31, 2005
    you really really suck
    Report Review

  • From ANON - The Empress on May 04, 2005
    Hey, when are you going to update. I wanna know what's gonna happen next. =( I can't wait to see what happens next. =) This story is great. ^_^
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Licorice on May 01, 2005
    "Lol, you are talking about my English when you wrote,” Your writing seems to be very poorly written." It should be ‘your work seems to be very poorly written, and furthermore, is should not be, " Naruto ran until he made it home, he opened the door and walked in." It should be, “Naruto ran until he made it home, he opened the door, and walked in." You have no place to talk about my writing. And by the way , I have had sex before and I have done everything that I wrote, so I know that is can happen, will I was not spank, but everything else! So there !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol lol lol lol P.S. you made me do this."

    Ah where to start?

    I am not going to call your writing work, because it is not work. It is as if you randomly strung together sentences and hoped it would become a plot.

    Also, why are you telling me your own grammar mistakes? correct your story before telling me dumass.

    I have every right to talk about your writing any way i want, this is mostly due to the freedom of speech.

    will I was not spank
    Report Review

  • From ANON - KiraDouji on April 20, 2005
    Seriously dude, get some help >>;

    - Kira
    Report Review

  • From SasukeB on April 20, 2005
    Lol, you are talking about my English when you wrote,” Your writing seems to be very poorly written." It should be ‘your work seems to be very poorly written, and furthermore, is should not be, " Naruto ran until he made it home, he opened the door and walked in." It should be, “Naruto ran until he made it home, he opened the door, and walked in." You have no place to talk about my writing. And by the way , I have had sex before and I have done everything that I wrote, so I know that is can happen, will I was not spank, but everything else! So there !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol lol lol lol P.S. you made me do this.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - licorice on April 20, 2005
    Your writing seems to be very poorly written, it has many grammatical and spelling errors. Note how i used a comma in that last sentence. It is used to link together two short sentences e.g.

    Naruto ran until he made it home. He opened the door and walked in.

    Could become

    Naruto ran until he made it home, he opened the door and walked in.


    This way you can avoid short, seven letter sentences


    Next of all, you seem to constantly switch between the past and present tense e.g.


    Naruto ran until he made it home. He opened the door and walked in.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^ This is in the past tense^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    “Sasuke I’m back!” he yelled with a smile on his face, as he tries to remove the key from the lock.
    ^^^^^^^^^This is also in the past tense^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^This is in the present tense^^^^^

    Why have (god help you) switched between two different tenses in the middle of a sentence?

    At the very most often, you should do this between paragraphs, not between lines and most certainly not in the middle of a sentence. I have a 7 year old brother who knows this, are you less than 7 years of age?
    The way your lemon scenes are written you might think so. It seems like you have been looking at porno magazines for guidance, without actually having any idea of how people have sex.

    Apparently you are a 10 year old who can’t type, spell or even find a decent plot.

    Report Review

  • From ANON - Absolute-- on April 20, 2005
    Wow. This is going pretty quick. *chuckles* It's not bad, though. You may have already heard this, but there were some grammar errors...It was easy enough to read, however, so it's all good. ^^
    *Skips off to the next chapter*
    Report Review

  • From ANON - KiraDouji on April 20, 2005
    さね。。　でも私も日本人じゃないしやさしくないでもいいですね？

    ーきらちゃん
    Report Review

  • From Tremalkinger on April 20, 2005
    *honto
    Report Review

  • From Tremalkinger on April 20, 2005
    Uwaa.. choto hidoi na.

    Shikashi honoto da.
    Report Review

T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!