Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for Chasing Naruto

By : megladon129

From ANON - KirikouChan on April 23, 2005
I must say I quite enjoy reading this fic.
You manage to keep them in character very well even though it's an AU.

Love the jokes, especially;
"Cue the dramatic music and lightning."

Keep doing whatever it is you're doing, it's working ;)

Greetz K-chan!
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From ANON - Inieda on April 23, 2005
In my honest opinion, this is the best NaruSasu fanfic I've read on this site. It's amusing watching Sasuke angst over Naruto instead of his past, and he has some interesting rivals too. ^_^ You've kept everyone in character for the most part, and I even like Sasuke in this. Normally I can't stand the whiny little brat, but he's much better here. Your spelling and grammar is excellent, I like your writing style, and I very much want to see where you take this. I am also curious to see what sort of secret that Naruto has been keeping from Sasuke, especially since he told him that he takes Horticulture when he doesn't. You'll reveal that soon, right? Keep up the good work. ^_^ Update again soon!
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From ANON - lo on April 23, 2005
I will try to give you a real review. First of all I really love hoe you are dealing with the characters. You keep them in character as well as make them your won. I really like how you have developed Naruto's character. I don't see many people who give Naruto credit for have a brain. The story is fun, and the tension you have created between the characters is great, it makes me salivate for more. I can also appreciat the little commical parts you use in your story, it make is dramatic and cute, though sometimes the placement seems a little random, but you still pull it off. Be careful not to make the the other supporting characters one dimemsional. Keep up the good work.
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From ANON - vashta on April 23, 2005
This is going to be SasuNaru right? I love that pairing, I can't see either of them with anyone else. Anyway, Naru is going to be ticked when he finds out about the deal the three of them made, maybe Sasu could come clean on their weekend out, and earn some points. How long are you planning on this being or are you going at it off the cuff? I really like it.
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From ANON - Anon on April 23, 2005
I enjoy the story so far - but there are a couple of things.

I don't really like the fact that you make Naruto THAT attractive to everyone - where everyone just falls to a puddle if he smiles .. or something along those lines. Plus.. the fact that they have a bet with each other about getting his kiss? That seems .. kinda off.

But I love the story anyway, and I do hope you continue updating! I'm a Sasu/Naru fan, so my fingers are crossed at who'll be with him in the end!

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From ANON - Anon on April 23, 2005
Oh! That dream was very symbolic! ^^ Oh yeah, poor Gaara, he still hasn't been able to kiss Naruto-kun yet! >< LONG LIVE NEJIXNARUTO!!! Ya know what would be funny though? If Naruto accidently tripped and made accidental lip-contact with Gaara, Neji, or Sasuke. XD Please update soon!
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From ANON - - on April 23, 2005
Well, I was hoping this chapter would be better than your last one (which is why I think I didn't review last chapter) ... are you stressed by homework or something? lol
I guess...I'm not liking the push and pull as much as I was in the beginning of the fic. Well, I just realized this, but I think that it's because all of a sudden there's this change in Naruto 0.o and though your version of Naruto has always been one to be non-oblivious etc etc the latest couple of chapters has him all out of proportion, to me, i.e. I guess, also, you haven't explained a lot and I really would like to know what the heck is going on! lol
First: what were their pasts? What did Naruto do to gain such undying affection?
Second: How come all of a sudden he's so sure about Sasuke's feelings for him?
Third: What's this dream sequence about?
Fourth: It feels like there's a whole new plot starting within the plot with the latest courting idea that Neji has proposed. Instead of the expected 'Sasuke and Naruto try to come to terms with feelings,' to me it's like a big big throw off ^^ not that I mind.

I guess when I read this story, I can't tell what really is going to take place. Because it seems like you have it all planned out till the end, which is definitely a good thing. I like stories that have definite endings! But I guess, at the same time, it's kind of a put-off because like there's a lot of mystery within these 8 chapters.

Trust me, I'm not saying all this because you requested that we write something constructive to you. I would've written this either way.
I like your style, I don't want you to use other people's comments to help you along with the story or to 'fix' it. Keep your style, forget angles etc etc. I don't like it lol ^^ I like the original way you were writing to be much better, much more captivating.

Use constructive critism as support ;) not to change how you write.
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From ANON - AleGnA on April 23, 2005
This is a great fic! I like how you display each character's thoughts and feelings toward Naruto. They're all so determined. I really like how you're writing this. I can't wait to see what happens between Naruto and Sasuke over the weekend and I'm curious as to what it is that Naruto's hiding from him! Keep up the good work, it's coming together nicely!
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From ANON - Anon on April 23, 2005
PLEASE HAVE SASUKE COURT NARUTO AND WIN also have more of those dreams they rock and have kiba have more witty coments and when will sakura and ino appear
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From ANON - aimee alexia on April 23, 2005
very cool chapter!! its amazing that you always update so quickly.

i know you said that you wanted helpful reviews to help you improve but i really cant think of anything to suggest - except keep up the good work.
i like the way that you always manage to encorperate everyones pov into each chapter, adding more twists and turns to the plot. like with neji. most
would have had him give up and be cut out the story by now, but the favour of a chance thing was a good idea. also the fact that naruto was lying to
sasuke about his course early, and keeping the reader in suspense as to why. it all makes me want to carry on reading which is a sign of a really
good story.

sorry i couldnt be more helpful, xx
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From ANON - xavier on April 23, 2005
I like the story so far but i do have so things id like to say. I'm a major yaoi fan so if your precious writing time is spent on kiba/hinata i think it would be wasted. Secondly, i love naruto/sasuke pairings so im secretly hoping that is where this story leads to. Im not quite sure about the wager. Because i have a sneaky suspicion that the guy who wins will really "lose" NAruto cause they gambled on him. Naruto is way flirtacious but he should flirt more with sasuke...thats just me though...cause there was no sasuke/naruto anything in this last chapter....anywho. I hope my ramblings helped you, probably not, but i love the fic and cant wait for the next chapter.
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From ANON - pixiequeen on April 23, 2005
"Also. I need REAL reviews on these chapters. A long string of one-liners only boosts my numbers, not my style. I need to know what you liked, what you didn�t, if you have any issues, whatever. Hearing �cute! Update!� doesn�t help me any. The whole reason I update quickly is because I�ve been getting such a great response, but if this �one-liner� mania continues, I�ll just have to start taking longer to post my chapters. I want to improve. Please, help me."

Okay here's what I enjoyed about this chapter:
- The conflict that the characters are going through, including Naruto. I like how you use more than just one type of conflict, too often fanfic writers only stick with one type of conflict and I really like the variety that this fic offers.
- The drama in this fic is just right, it suits whats happening and sustains enough to keep the reader's intrest without turning the story into a soap opera.
- The character developement is top notch.
- Great grammar and spelling.
- How you make it so that the reader can actually relate to the fiction.
- The dream brought in parts of the anime/manga

What I'd like to see that isn't there:
- A few more characters tossed in here and there, not for drama but for a releif. Like Kiba's character, he's not involved in the "fight" over Naruto, but he's involved in the story and the story wouldnt work without him there.
- Sasuke portrayed more like Sasuke in the anime.
- More descriptions of the college itself, and the classes and the teachers.

What I didn't like about this chapter in general:
- Things happened a little too fast, slowing it down will eventually build more suspense
- Lack of description. Longer descriptions about stuff, like the clouds and how the day really felt, other than it being a "Good day".
- Lack of the grey area, it seems quite black and white right now. Naruto seems a little too saintly, and Neji seems a little too "evil" and it should be a little more grey, like Naruto having some really bad faults but his heart of gold balances that out, Neji is determined to be with Naruto after Naruto told him there was no way but say he does something very pure and that'd change the readers veiw into more of a grey area.

I hoped that this helped a little.
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From ANON - MultifacetedTune on April 23, 2005
*is very, very confused* My computer is doing weird things.....not that it doesn't -normally- do weird things, but still....... ^^ Did you update yesterday, too? No, wait, I must have just fogotten to check the site for a few days..... but I would have remembered reading this yesterday...... gah!!! *goes crazy* -.- I blame it on the school projects -- I was up till 4 the other night, so maybe that is what it was........... *shrugs* Who knows? ^___~ Ja!!!
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From ANON - Sha-kun on April 23, 2005
Yay! Finally you update. I like the fact that you have Sasuke, Gaara, and Neji all vying for Naruto's attention. *grins evilly* And with the no kissing rule....that makes it a whole lot more interesting. Hmm...from the dream sequence it almost seems to me as if Kyuubi wants Naru-chan too. *grin broadens* That would be very.... interesting...umm *cough* Mind out of the gutter. Anyways, when reading a story I am normally very critical about how realistic/believable the story is and how well people portray the characters, that said you do it well. Yep. Heh. Now that I'm done rambling aren't you almost kind of regretting asking your readers to not write just one-liners? *grins* Keep up the good work!
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From ANON - MultifacetedTune on April 23, 2005
OoOoOoooo...... *drools* Vague dream + three rivals making a wager = total and complete suspense. *blink* .....ah, damn. I forgot that that was a -bad- thing.......... ^___~ Thank you so much for updating!!! *gives you chocolates...again? (I can't remember)* ...yeah, probably, but who cares? You deserve them......... ^___^ Oh, and as for the "longer review" thing: I completely understand where you're coming from, but to be perfectly honest, it's reeeeeeeeally difficult to come up with constructive criticism when a fic is as good as this one is. And no, I'm not just trying to flatter you in order to get you to update quickly......though that would be nice.......... *hint, hint* ^___~ Anywho, here is my attempt at "constructive criticism.......no, actually, it's more of a critique than anything else: very creative storyline, excellent characterization and details, wonderfully written, a nice lack of spelling and grammar problems, etc, etc, etc, you get the point, ne? ^___^ Yeah, like I said, I love this fic. If you -really- want something to "improve", you could try making the chapters a bit longer, but I personally think that the majority of them are at a good length and that if you were to try and change them you might mess them up, so you should just leave them the way they are. ^^ I'm not very helpful, am I? *pouts* Well, it's your fault, anyway, coming up with such a great idea and keeping everyone in character!!! ^___~ Okay, I've babbled enough -- as always, keep up the good work and update ASAP!!! Ja ne!!!
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