Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for Chasing Naruto

By : megladon129

From ANON - Sabrina on April 25, 2005
*waves NaruSasu forever!!" sign high* Feweeeee! Such an intense and foreshadowing chapter!! Love it. I kind of think you've made sasuke a bit too standoffish and hesitant. the sasuke we know and love would have gone for it the other people be damned by now. I would love if Sasuke could strip for Naruto in a later chapter to Ginuwine's "Pony". *drools a bit at the image* All so I would like a bit gaasasu sasugaa in there please!! *puppy eyes* I feel that you are doing suvh a great job so far. Some spelling and grammar errors hear and ther, choppy speech at times but other than that the fic is the boom!

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From ANON - Kigen on April 25, 2005
I know how you feel about needing motivation in writing stories. But anyways, what will happen to Naruto and Sasuke in the weekend? I hope that you will continue.
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From SasukeB on April 24, 2005
Ok, I really like your story. It is really good. Umm� But I do not like it when writers use the word �destroy� in the place of kill. It just sounds funny. I get that you do not want to keep saying the same word over, but you should have said �take them out� or �abolish them.�
I really like your use of foreshadowing. Ok umm� that�s about it bye

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From ANON - eltrut (123) on April 24, 2005
You know what? I was waiting for an AU fic like this to come around...I don't know, for some reason, I also thought it would be cool for the original story to come and play for a bit (like, I dunno, Sasuke goes ninja on a mugger or something/Is attacked by enemy ninja...and the old bloodline clans are myths and hated/feared...hehe) but never mind. My muse is acting up again *hits muse with book*. Naruto's dream was a very interesting scene indeed...If I had to guess as to whom he's going to beat up, I'd have to say Sasuke...Only because, thats who he fights with most in the manga (and most AU fics tend to follow the story of the original somehow). But I'm all for the SasuNaru pairing (that's why I'm reading this, of course) so I'm going to hope that it will be Gaara or Neji...whose asses he also kicked...and then changed their way of thinking (just like he did for Neji in your story:D), especially for Gaara...but not Sasuke yet...Hrmm...Well, since I'm on a roll, I think you write *very* well, and I can't really find anything to pick on , 'cept that I'd like to see more of Naruto's POV (not going to go into all this secret stuff Naruto is up to...grrr, I wanna know!), cause I like the way you've written his character. It doesn't seem OOC at all (a fanfic writer's worst nightmare) because, as we've seen in the manga, Naruto is capable of thinking ahead (hehe). The animals you chose to symbolize them with were all good, (the snake and bird for Sasuke and Neji were a given, o'course) and what was Gaara's demon? Shakaku? A racoon? Hehe. Anywho, sorry for being all over the place with this!
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From ANON - - on April 24, 2005
Thought I'd let you know about plagiarism going on. But I see someone has already written to you :P
I also think that other people shouldn't write replies to other peoples reviews in their review. Write something about the fic, damnit.
I gave my opinions to you, and they are solely for you :) I'm sorry if my review came as a put-off towards your writing style, but that was my judgement. If anything, I want YOU to be the one to answer my questions about YOUR story, and not others.

:P Anyway, can't wait for you to update and clarify the next happenings. I really want to see what happens when Sasuke and Naruto go to Naruto's home. I'm guessing it's an orphanage? Since he talks about kids, and also, there's been mention of only his Aunt as his family. So that should be very interesting. Very Naruto-esque.

I'm really a fan of your writing :) Do update.
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From ANON - YaoiLover on April 24, 2005
Beautiful. Thats the word i use to describe this. You have an awesome writing style, and the plot is fantastic. I love the fact that you've pitted 3 guys against lovely naruto. (especially gaara..yum..)

Keep up the good work, and i look forward to more of your work.
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From ANON - k on April 24, 2005
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but someone is plagiarizing this story.

Author: SasuNaru Fan
Story: The New Demon in Kahona
http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=544183271

excerpt:
-----------
�Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun!!�

A chill raced down Sasuke�s spine while Naruto calmly glanced over his shoulder. �Looks like Sakura found us.Oh and she brought Ino with her."

I hadn�t noticed. Sasuke grit his teeth. Being hounded by his fan club was NOT going to improve his already sour day."Great."

�You are not leaving me to deal with them alone.�

Naruto gave him a cheeky smile. �Hey, they�re your harem. Just let them service you and be on their way.�

�...You have no sense of decency, do you?�

�Nope. None at all.�

The hair on the back of Sasuke�s neck began to tingle as he sensed the females behind him. Regardless of how sweetly they may be smiling right now, he could still sense their real appearances: drooling, clawing, maniacally grinning she-demons swarming en-masse behind him. A prickle of desperation seized him.

�Get me out of this, and I�ll buy you ramen.�

Instantly coming to attention, Naruto turned back to Sasuke and smiled evilly. �Make it a years supply worth, and you have yourself a deal.�

�A YEAR!!!!?!?!???? No way in hell!�

�Ja ne! Have fun with the feeding frenzy!� Naruto started to walk off to the other side of the room."Sasuke-kuuuuun� floating about him.

Gritting his teeth, Sasuke tightened his grip on Naruto�s arm. �A week�s worth of ramen. Final offer.�

Naruto thought about that for a long moment, his hand stroking his chin. Sasuke had to use almost all of his self control to keep from reaching up and strangling him. Damn you, Naruto! Just do it!

Reaching a decision, Naruto cast a sunny smile on Sasuke. �Deal!�

Naruto turned to face them and smiled charmingly. Sasuke lifted an eyebrow.

Ino looked shocked and Sakura gava loud."NOOOOOOOOO SASUKE CAN'T BE GAY!!!!!"

With that, Naruto turned and faced Sasuke, an expectant grin on his face. Sasuke stared up at him in glared red shariagan."I AM NOT GAY!!!" The girls gave a phew in relief.

Maybe this was a bad idea...

Naruto nudged Sasuke."Oh come on you know you are."

�I�LL KILL YOU, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!�
-------------------

There's more, but that's the most blatant passage. Just thought you might want to know.
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From ANON - Shez on April 24, 2005
No more one-liners? Damn, those are my speciality. Well now, time for some actualy effort. Ugh.

One thing I noticed was that the paragraphs were short. Like, really really really short. One-liners, many of 'em. Put some meat on those bones. *wink*

Let's see, what else... Oh, throw in some SasuNaru action, will ya? The whole fic has been like... G-rated so far. Okay, well, that's pushing it... Maybe PG-13. It's a cute fic and all, but AFF ain't for cute fics. =3 Bring on the smut, baby~! xD;

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From ANON - The Empress on April 24, 2005
I love this story. *applauds you and hands you an ice cream sundae with caramel and almonds on it* You're the coolest. ^_^ Me likes Naruto alot. =) But Me likes Gaara better. ^_____^
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From ANON - hColleen on April 24, 2005
I really like your writing style. You have a excellent feel for story flow and detail. I really like how you describe the thought processes. Your little "author comentary" type notes are not distracting (the lines like "cue the creepy music" [okay, not exact quote, but I'm working from memory here]), but actually add to the humor of the story. I like that relationships are developing slowly and logically. I look forward to seeing more :D
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From ANON - ghostninja85 on April 24, 2005
OK. You asked for some constructive criticism so I'll do my best.

I'm glad Kiba's getting a little more love. He's been a good friend of Naruto's throughout the story, and he stayed friends with him even when he found out that Naruto swung both ways.

They symbolism in Naruto's dream was very nice. I really liked how you chose to portray Neji: hawk eyes are perfect.

All in all, you're writing technique itself is very good. My only complaint is I want to see a few more characters. Where's Shikamaru and Jiraiya?

Update as soon as you can. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
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From ANON - T.K-kun on April 24, 2005
hmm.. constructive critism, ei? umm.. first off, i wished this was a
sasunaru, but with that never happening... haha.. anyways, i like
flirting. flirting is funny. there are a lot of coincidences that put people
in odd positios that is kinda "days of our lives" style. it's good and all
but, a little too dramatic. i like drama and all but it wrentches at my
feelings. is that a good thing or bad? well, i can't think of anything else
at the moment. not trying to be mean about my comment. overall, i
still think this is a great fanfic. this is like the only narusasu that i keep
up with.
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From ANON - angel ran on April 24, 2005
Wow, what an ominous dream O__O..NOOO, hope that doesn't happen! And darn Neji, i guess *he* was the one to get some "action" in this chapter..Can't wait until Sasuke's trip to Naruto's place, i'm reeeally looking forward to it! ='D But again, now you've got me so worried about the trouble those three suitors are going to bring!! ^^ Lol, funny with Hinata and Kiba though, lol, he should really know by now that Naruto notices more than he gives him credit for ^0^ Good luck writing the next chapter!! o.O Sorry that I hadn't reviewed the past 2 chappies I also read before this one, and although you probably don't notice when a specific reviewer doesn't post from time to time, figured i still owed you some major gushing over them!! ^__^;; they were also sooo fabulous!! Every time a new chapter comes out for this i get sooo hyper and excited!! (my friend was over once and I had to give her a comic to read while i glued myself to the computer to read it) That sneaky Sasuke, getting in a kiss! (not that i mind though, of course, since i'm rooting for him!) Sooo curious whether or not Naruto was really coherent!!!! Gah, again, you've got me so anxious now with that deal about kissing Naruto though...x_X ...guess i'll have to wait and see!

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From ANON - jesica on April 24, 2005
hey this story is very good, i feel that you don't need improving on your style. But thats just me. I like the way you write and I am hoping you will update soon. Good luck
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From ANON - Nora Shu[aka Hitomi] on April 24, 2005
(Ch. 8)
To explain one-word reviews; they happen when one has nothing constructive to say. At least in my case. Not that I rushed through it, not at all, or there isn't any thing better to say, but to please you, and as such please myself with a quick update, I will try to break down a few of the things about you fanfiction which I like.

First, I got no compliants at all. Which is in itself an odd occurence. I'm not the best when writing in English, but can't stand it when spelling and grammar mistakes occure too often. I have no such problem with your writing. Wonderful writing style - silly, fresh, pointed, brash, hard, cynical - and the storyline is easy to take in; nothing horrible nad overpowring, or a sad end and angst to kill the most dramatic fangirl. And that's a good thing, because it suits your writing style perfectly. Easy and flowing. Some angst involved around Naruto's secret, and some that always comes with our Sasuke[how could it not?], and that just adds appreciation to the easy flow of things.

My personal dislike it Naruto's "muscle". I like how you kept him in character with working out instead of sparing, together with keeping up Garaa's character in the same way. But wouldn't most characters have to work out to keep them in character? Though I *can* see some characters [such as Sasuke and Neji] studing to represent their personal angst.
But still, I'm not a muscle-fan, so the whole "Naruto-king-o'-the-gym" isn't a treat, but it's still part of the story, and a part that fits in well. And just to admit, I do read those parts and enjoy them non-the-less, and that says something about your writing style pulling me in. And your plot intresting me.
And that, in my eyes, really says a whole lot.

So, I jambled on, and had fun doing so. I hope my review meant something to you, because I meant everyword and would love to see quick steady weekly updates even when you are faced with one-word-reviews, because sometimes you feel like you're recycling sentiments when reviewing this long. *sighs*

This chapter was a hoot. Naruto's tumble with Neji was hilarious and so in-character to Naruto I'm suprised the anime doesn't include it. Neji was brilliant and conniving, since he's already fucked why not smirked when the rest are as fucked as you? Sasuke was a bit OOC with his whole blaring-rage, but not so much. Maybe an OOC warnning should be placed at the head of a chapter when such occures? [are you using a beta? Just a question]
Garaa was a bit spooky; but that's why we love him, and this wager is soooo gonna kick total arse. XD
Naruto's dream freaked me out. Is he going to analyze it? Will we witness his written analyzation? And his trip "home" with Sasuke... who's waiting for Naruto at home? Tsunade? Jiraya? Iruka?
I'm intrigued!!^^

Awaiting the next greedily,
Ja ne~
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