Cry of a Silent Heart

BY : memoriesofdarkness
Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Itachi/Sasuke
Dragon prints: 139
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

“Papa, look at me!”

I turn to my daughter who is practicing a new jutsu she has recently mastered. I smile at her softly. Such an angelic face. No shade of darkness in her soul… unlike mine.

I look at my wife at the other corner of the room. She senses my gaze and smiles at me. And I feel guilt and remorse piercing through my heart.

She has always loved me unconditionally… accepted the broken mess I am… But I have given nothing in return.

I know I am using her. I think she knows it too. Yet she never complains. I wish I could tell her how grateful I am… how sorry I am…

I should never have linked her life with mine. I have destroyed her… because I am destroyed myself. Not shattered, not damaged… Destroyed!

 

I can never give her what she deserves. How can I… when it already belongs to someone else. When it has always belonged… to you

 

Every time she touches me, I cannot help wishing it was you and not her. And then guilt consumes me even further.

 

I get out of the house and walk aimlessly around. I look at the academy. The first day of team 7 flashes in my mind…

I will restore my clan and destroy a certain someone

 

I guess I have fulfilled my dream… in a way…

How much I hated you then! Yet I hated myself even more. Because no matter how hard I tried… I could never stop loving you.

I loved you…

I hated you…

Twisted emotions and a constant battle with myself… slowly wearing me down… how can you be an avenger and a lover at the same time…?

 

I sit under a tree and continue with my train of thoughts…

 

They knew I hated you. They understood it. Why won’t they? I was supposed to hate you! But they never knew… that I loved you too. The part of me that loved you hated the part of me that hated you. How was anyone supposed to comprehend such twisted and crazy state of mind?

My whole life was centered on you. You were my purpose… my reason to live. No matter how warped and distorted it was… it was always you. I was just too late to figure out that I was the same to you too…

 

I close my eyes and recall that dreadful memory. The day I ceased to exist…

 

You put your forehead against mine. I felt myself freeze looking into those beautiful eyes. So many things to tell you… so little time…but I couldn’t find my voice. You spoke first.

“You don’t have to forgive me”

What was there to forgive? All this time… you suffered for a crime you had not committed. I wanted to say something… anything… yet my voice remained silent. I kept looking at you… with bewilderment… like a blind man having the first glimpse of light…

It made sense in way though. I truly had been blind… and you were the light all along.

 “No matter what you decide to do from now on… I will love you forever.”

 

A sad smile creeps up my face as I slowly return to present. Would you still love me… if you knew?

How badly I wanted to tell you at that moment… after all, it was my last chance to ever let you know how much you meant to me. But I didn’t. You were like the morning breeze… calm and refreshing… with a soul as pure as an angel’s. How could I defile you with my sinful desires…?

 

A tear appears at the corner of my eye…

 

You were gone. But you had taken all of me with you. What is left now is merely a shell of the person I used to be… and a numb consciousness. A constant reminder of how empty and meaningless I am without you.

 

You are gone. But you never left. My entire being is branded with your name… your memories… with you

 

I break my contemplation. It’s time to return to the painstaking, exhausting rituals called life.

I sigh. Somehow… just somehow… I wish I could be with you…

As I begin to force myself back to reality, your last words keep playing in my head again and again… taunting me… tormenting me…

I will love you forever

I will love you forever

I will love you forever

I will love you forever

 

And suddenly…

My eyes widen at the realization. Could it be…?

Those intense orbs… piercing through my helpless ones… baring my soul…

 

I close my eyes and release a breath… a sense of contentment slowly spreading inside my heart as tears roll down my cheeks.

 

You knew… And you had replied…

 

I will love you forever.


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