Reviews for Sweet Confusion

BY : Smolusagi


  • From Shortcake on July 07, 2018

    Nice piece. You definitely have some good writing started. 

    I like the way you portray Kakashi’s initial hesitation. Great description.

    Your grammar and sentence structure are generally good, but there are a few things you may want to fix. First, don’t have different characters speaking/thinking in the same paragraph because it confuses the reader. Second you overuse “the male” and “the female” instead of just he or she. If it feels like you’re overusing pronouns, try something more like “the silver haired ninja” or “the aroused shinobi”, etc.

    Also, do yourself a favor and take a bit of time on editing. Lay it aside for a bit, and read it with fresh eyes. Clarifications will jump out at you.

    Seriously, though, this is a good start; I hope you continue it.



    Report Review