The others are partially right, your formatting sucks and making it hard to read. Content is really good.

I loved chapter 2 with Narut/ko not being a submissive sex toy but also still being a professional ninja AND taking charge in bed. That's something really nice and refreshing to see.

I do hope for more chapters, and it's really promising.

But somehow I want Hinata in this, and I literally hate her in any story, because she's such a bad character for a written story (compared to a visual Manga/Anime).

So, apparently this site doesn't have a message system, so I couldn't send this directly, but I made a post on the forum with a quick re-spacing edit to show you what I was talking about last time. This is what I mean by the whole new line/paragraph bit:

http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/topic/66639-changes-in-identity-spacing-fix/

Decent plot, but a little hard to read with all the big blocks of text. Generally speaking, each time a character begins speaking, you should be starting a new line/paragraph. This also serves to space things out more, and makes things easier on the eyes.

I get that this is probably your first story and all, but if you crack open a regular novel or, heck, even most stories on this site, you'll notice how they all do this; that's because it's a basic rule for writing dialogue. I get that most every day writing doesn't use dialogue, so it might not have come up, but it's there. A story could have the greatest plot in the world, but if its a pain trying to read it, no one's gonna pick up the book.

Ugh, dammit. One person talking per chapter! You can disregard all other grammar rules (though it won't do you any favors), but this one you have to follow! Always!

Please correct your disclaimer.

Your disclaimer doesn't have all the parts we need to see. It can be worded however you like, as long as you include the name of the specific fandom (and not just the characters) and clearly say that you make no money/profit.

You must use the actual name of the fandom. Just naming the owners/creators of the fandom, or saying that you don't own only the characters is not enough. It's also not enough to say that this is just for fun or entertainment. You have to clearly say that you make no money/profit.

What happens if the disclaimer isn't fixed? We allow seven (7) days for the story to be corrected. After that, we hide it, and it will stay hidden until it's corrected or until it's been thirty (30) days since we hid it. At that point, we do delete the story. If we do hide your story, you can always access it through your Control Panel in your archive profile even while it's hidden. If we do hide your story, and you've fixed it, you can contact the ToS team with the name of your story, your username and the fandom where the story is located to have your story made visible again. You can contact us by email at TOS_team@adult-fanfiction.org. Just one thing: Re-uploads of hidden stories are deleted immediately with no additional warning given.

Here's a link to the Terms of Service:

http://www.adult-fanfiction.org/tos.php</p>

This link is to the FAQ about disclaimers, with some examples:

http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=3560

We also suggest taking a few minutes to read the Content Guidelines:

http://www.adult-fanfiction.org/guidelines.php

You can remove this review once your disclaimer is corrected.

Thank you,

Pippychick, AFF Archive Moderator

and on a nearby rooftop hinata hyuga was found passed out..............

Surprisingly interested in where you plan to take this. Also wish people who only write comments about how a story is rubbish or crap would shut up. If it isn't your cup of tea don't read it.

Wow.

This is garbage, I miss the days when I didn't need to wait about two fucking weeks to find something somewhat passable and not this shit.

fuck this trash