Reviews for Helping a friend

BY : Slurppy


  • From Dedicated_Reader on February 22, 2018

    First off, I love where you are going with this story! I've had a similar idea rolling in my head but I can't get it on paper (or a computer as the case may be).

    Secondly, I happen to be a part of a poly/triad myself with a lot of D/s and BDSM thrown in. I'd recommend checking out the website  https://www.xeromag.com/fvbdglossary.html

    It's one of the most accurate sites I've found when it comes to terms and definitions and I've been part of the lifestyle for about 10 years now! Hopefully it will help you find what you're looking for when it comes to fleshing out everyone's particular kinks. Just remember, sadism is pleasure in giving pain, not just leaving marks. They can go hand in hand, but they don't have to. The way you were describing Sakura, you may want to go more primal than pet. Pets usually (very few things are "always" in the lifestyle) want to be cared for or tended to while a primal  (myself included) will be more aggressive. Dominance fights and play fights both usually end in some rough and phenomenal sex. A primal will use teeth and claws to mark their mates and everyone enjoys it! 

    Thirdly, I can't wait to read the next chapter regardless of what you do. You've got a great story going and I'm sure the rest will be just as amazing! Good luck!



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  • From Odinson83 on February 16, 2018

    So first of all I think your writing style is pretty good in terms of the ‘detail work’ all the sensory language you use and the small details that fill in the experience that some people don’t really think about when writing because it’s so common place for them in their daily lives they don’t think to include in their characters. 

     

     

    Second, considering the girls’ kinks I think, or rather I know, that having Naruto be a Pleaser would fit in nicely. I’m not sure if this is a kink or if it is then if that’s really the name. It’s basically that he’d get sexually pleasure from granting them their fantasies/fetishes. Considering canon Naruto’s need for acknowledgment then I think this would work with his character too, giving pleasure grants him pleasure of his own so when someone wants a dom or an owner, givin then that gets him off too. At least it has in my experience. Just like Hinata’s kink ties into her want to feel useful, Naruto’s can stem from not feeling he deserves the girls and needing to justify their desire for him to himself. 

     

     

    I maybbe putting some some of my own baggage into Naruto but this is how it plays out in my Twitter RP relationships and I’m told I’m a good owner/dom. 

     

    Please include owner/pet relationship, or maid relationship with Hinata, the ‘subordinate’ partner is the one actually in control, they decide what’s okay and the dom just facilitated that, once again that’s just how my relationships have been established.

     

     

    Hope this helped in some way. 



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  • From kalaong on February 15, 2018

    Oooh, I'm looking forward to this. For some reason, it makes me think of the Korra/Asami/Mako lemon I've wanted since the end of 2014.



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  • From Scrubavore on February 14, 2018

    It was a decent chapter. The grammar could use some proofreading. The lime scene was quite tame, yet well done as well. A pure hormonal reaction that Sakura just wanted to indulge in.

    I would suggest that you make a conscious effort the next time you write to break up the paragraphs a bit. They don't come off as brick walls of text, but sometimes to convey or emphasize emotion within the narrative exposition, a single line can make an impact.

    Like this, for example,

    Also, your markers to identify a scene transition is tad bit hard to notice. I would suggest using the horizontal line feature or an abbreviation of the title aligned in the center.

    Like this, for example.


    Or that.

    H.A.F.

    Or even that.

    Now, I'm well aware that this is your story, but I would recommend that you take their romance slow or at least, introduce some conflict within it. Like doubts regarding the threesome arrangement. I think you should have Naruto bed them separately after their first romp in the sack just to explore the difference between intimacy with a single partner and a threesome.

    Just make it a journey they have to work for.

    Until your next update.



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  • From Scrubavore on February 14, 2018

    This was a good read. Really enjoyed the effort you put into exploring the characters through introspection. It was a different take from canon and you made your approach to the pairing believable.

    Favorite scene was definitely Naruto's introspection. If anyone couldn't accept your portrayal, they just don't understand Naruto's character in canon. Give credit where credit is due; a child who was ostracized lived with an optimistic hope for his future instead of wallowing in depression and or lashing out in anger.

    That would have only landed his ass in jail or a psych ward--or worse, dead--proving to the community that he was everything they believed him to be.

    He has emotional maturity in spades compared to the rest of his peers as they grew up. Did he falter at times? Yes, but he overcame it. This is the guy who represents the ideals of Asura and Hagoromo; bonds and compassion. If anyone understands emotions, its Naruto,

    The Last and Boruto has butchered his character.

    He doesn't understand love? He only had a romantic interest in Sakura because of his rivalry with Sasuke? What a load of crap. Let's just conveniently ignore his rejection of Sakura during the gokage summit.

    Retcons are so convenient.

    Naruto is a shitty dad? A bullshit portrayal to get the audience to sympathize with Boruto. Let's just ignore that both Hiruzen and Tsunade have been shown to indulge in extracurricular activities during their administrative reign.

    Regarding Kiba, is his jealousy formed from an inferiority complex or from an unreciprocated love for Hinata? Either or would make the story more interesting if you explored this element.

    Hopefully, he reconciles with Tsunade in the future.

    I look forward to reading more.



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  • From Talonsen on January 12, 2018

    The only problem I have is that Naruto is not even 1/100th as introspective as you've made him here. He is, at his core, a good natured simpleton with a talent for speaking and an almost idiot savant ability to read emotions and help people settle them. As the Naruto epilogue and the *shudder* Baruto series have shown, Naruto was shown to be a generally figure head leader who couldn't even keep enough of a schedule to keep time with his family.



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  • From Jinx on December 19, 2017

    what a great story! soo cute.really, I hope there will be another chapter. are there? anyway. thanks for sharing this great story. and sorry for my bad English

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